To think new colleagues are total bitches?

[ElephantSuperhero]

I started a new job a month ago. It's in a large open plan office with about 30 of us in. I sit in a group of tables with two other women of a similar age to me (late thirties).

Both have been, to be blunt, absolute fucking bitches since I started. For the first few days I tried to make a bit of minor chit chat with them but they both answered with one word answers or in a very snappy way to me, yet are friendly and chatty with each other and to everyone else.

When I arrive at work and say hello to them they just ignore me. They ignore me when I go home and say bye to them.

In the past few days they have done this thing of discussing everyone else in the office loudly and saying how much they like them and what a brilliant person they are.

They also organised a night out for tomorrow night and loudly called across the whole office to everyone, one by one, to invite them on the night out. I was not invited.

AIBU to think they are complete bitches? Today and yesterday I just disengaged from them both and acted like they weren't there. I'll be polite if they speak to me but I will never be 'friends' with either of them after how they have behaved to me these past few weeks.

Oh, and another lady started the same day as me and they are perfectly fine with her, so it's clearly me! And they are both really good friends with the manager so there is nothing I can do about their behaviour.

I'd ask the manager for an informal chat and ask him/her if you have accidentally done something to upset/offend these women. That you've been wracking your brain to think of something and you're sure there must be something because they do x, y and z to you but are clearly lovely with everyone else.

If you present it to your manager informally as "what can I do" (even if you know you've done nothing) then your manager really should help you with this

Oh no, I feel for you. You sound like you're handling it well- if you can sustain it, just carry on- keep your head down, do the job well, don't get distracted by their awfulness.

If this is starting to really get you down, I think you should look for something else. Telesales sounds tough, it must be even harder without a supportive team around you.

P.S. You've inspired me to delete the ex office mean girl off Facebook. She was horrible to a minority of us but widely adored- had leaving drinks a couple of weeks ago and invited all staff (100 people), apart from 4 of us that she and her minions took against because we're actually good at our jobs She asked me if I'd come ifs she organised something and then didn't invite me 🙄

I had this when I was the new girl. The bitch went so far as to offer biscuits over me to other people and ignore me. I was 19 ffs. I was no threat. I quit and one other lady walked out in disgust at my treatment. Found out afterwards that the bitch had a history of doing that to people and I was the third or fourth who'd left because of her.

Now I'm older and more grumpy, I'd ignore. When they are particularly bitchy I'd look up at them, smirk and make a little note in a personal diary. Don't actually write anything down at this stage, make your shopping list or something...

And try to have a smile and a nice word for everyone else. I'm sure they all know what the two bitches are like. Make nice little throwaway comments to everyone, compliment their hair or shoes, just generally appear to be a nice, but not overly pushy person. In the end, they will look extra ridiculous.

And you can up your fame... if you like baking, bake cake. Or muffins. Leave them as a free-for-all, if you have a break room or communal table. Secretly if needs be. Be 'the cake fairy' for a few weeks then 'accidently' let someone catch you bringing in the cake. Beg them to secrecy as you just love baking so much but you can't eat all the cake yourself and you are afraid other people will stop eating the cake if they knew where it was from.

Ok none of these may work, you know your workplace but if you can not rise to it and avoid walking out crying like I did the decent people will probably come round.

Up your fame? Up your GAME... stupid iPad...

Hi OP, this sounds horrible. I've experienced similar a couple of times - one was overseas as an expat, which I understood in a way as I was regarded as a foreign worker whom they didn't want. The other was years ago when I was in my early twenties and the only other youngish woman in the team was really hideous to me. I questioned myself every day - why she'd taken this dislike to me, what could I do etc. It was a large firm of accountants and I considered asking to be moved, but was on secondment. Extremely slowly, as in over a year, we became more friendly - one night she got drunk and said that she'd been very jealous of me because of the way I look. I was both baffled and pretty annoyed about this - but as above, it was a long time ago. Women can be really very bitchy and two of them would make it much worse.

I would make an effort (but not an obvious one) to befriend others - especially the one who started just after you.

Id start a diary of events. Make it clear as fucking day that every time they are bitchy, you write in it. Fuck it, write 'workplace bullying' on the cover and let them see it. Email your manager and tell them you are now logging the workplace bullying and maybe they could have a quiet word with the team, as you will not let this go on without legal action.

I saw this happen in a school I worked in. TAs were all bitches. Was awful atmosphere for everyone.

Weird how some grown women don't grow out of it.

Make a note of examples. Does your team have a team meeting if so at the any other business bit ask what the company policy on bullying is - this should be being minuted - if your asked why say you want to know - this alone may make your colleagues re think their behaviour.

It never ceases to amaze me what absolute cunts people can be. Where on earth do these women get off on being such complete bitches??

I'd call them on it, personally. But then I'm not known for my tact and diplomacy.

I don't know if this helps, but I went to my son's sports day and a new boy's Dad came to sit next to me. He's an old boy of the school & started reminiscing about the people who were there. He'd recently gone to a school reunion & had apologised to a girl who they'd all ignored because she was bookish & they were all sporty. She is now a famous journalist with a reputation for being hard-edged.

Apparently she said a) it has toughened her up b) the boys were nothing. It was the girls who were vile. One of them invited all the sixth formers to her 18th birthday party apart from the journo girl who was told "I didn't invite you because I knew you'd have nothing to wear."

Scroll forward 10 years (not today, this is still in the past!) - birthday girl married a sportsman and was publicly humiliated in the paper's by her DH's affairs with yet another famous person.

OK, a bit of extreme comeuppance, but what goes around comes around.

Keep your dignity at all times

Ooh Vanilla did birthday girl marry the captain of the rugby team?

birthday girl married a sportsman and was publicly humiliated in the paper's by her DH's affairs with yet another famous person.

Why was she humiliated by it being in the papers? She was the victim - why should that be humiliating for her? It was her DH who had the affairs. It was him who should be humiliated by it being in the papers.

I'd worked in my position for around 4 years, there were 5 staff, we all got on great....until I announced my pregnancy, it triggered the most spiteful reactions with 2 of the ladies that were of similar age, they were both married and had been trying for a baby for 2 years and 1 year, I was in a fairly new relationship ( 15 months) and had only been trying for 2 months. they would text each other from the other whilst I was sat between them, completely ignore my responses, give me sharp one word answers etc etc, at first I thought I was imagining things, until they both left the room, leaving one of their phones behind, I heard it ring, normally I would of answered it, and spoke to her husband ( we all met socially as well), but I didn't feel I should now....then I remembered back to the texts and sideways smirks, and I thought FUCK IT, I went through her phone, and there were the most hateful texts about me you could imagine, no I dont have any guilt about looking at someones private messages, it just showed me exactly how nasty they were, I had previously struggled to conceive myself with my ex, we'd had three unsucsessful rounds of ivf, and 11 losses, and they knew that, and whilst going through that difficult time, I never treated any of my pregnant friends in that way, I could only be happy for them

I've been through this. Definitely note down what happens with times and dates.

I ended up speaking to manager, and actually so did she. Manager then mediated a meeting between us. Things got better. I cant say it make me a stronger person though, it hurt

Schadenfreude, or whatever that thing is.

How awful. The total cows.

Will there ever be a time that one of them will need something from you? Something work wise, or help or doing something for them? If not apparent now, their might be something in the future.

If so, I would look up and say "I beg your pardon?! Are you asking me something? The work colleague who you choose to ignore and bitch about? No, I won't be doing that for you" all with a smirk on my face.

If you can stay strong OP I would although I appreciate this can grind you down. I would be chirpy, happy, friendly with everyone else. I would make cakes for the whole office, I would be the person that everyone wants to be friendly with. I would not even try with them as that gives them power. And yes, I would log what they do. The Managers do not sound like Managers to me - very unprofessional to be so friendly with those on the team. Good luck with it all.

Y Y to keeping a log of the workplace bullying. Good idea Rage.

Even if the manager is friend's with them she will blatantly not be doing her job if she ignores this.

In parallel you may want to try the informal chat approach (and log that too to show how you've tried to be part of the solution).

Live up to your superhero name as I doubt you're the first person/will be the last they'll do this to.

Stay strong, I know it's tough and completely agree that you sound lovely.

Can you move to another table?

God I had this - I once went through a rough patch in my career and temped for a bit. I got a long term posting at a medical publishers and it was awful. Large office split into little sub offices - I was in one with two people who were absolutely vile to me. They had nothing to do with my job - I was a secretary to one of the bosses but they took great pleasure in making me feel shit. Talked about me blatantly, never included me in anything, organised a big night out saying "no point in inviting DailyMaui she's only a temp, probably can't afford it anyway." I was regularly belittled ("she's just a temp, she's just a secretary, she can't understand anything like that" etc) it was awful. They were sales people yet acted like they'd written the medical journals themselves - there was a lot of snobbery - I was common, poor and uneducated according to them. Oh god writing about it now has made me feel awful again. Their bullying kind of spread and I'd get badly treated by those in other cubicles too. Little barbs, "funny jibes" that were actually wounding and really hurtful. Hideous.

Luckily I made friends with the other two secretaries there - they were also belittled but because they worked in a sub office together they could mostly keep out of it. Thank god for them because I would have got seriously depressed otherwise. I was at a really low point and it was a struggle not to go home and cry every night.

Two thirds of the way through my temp posting I got a really good job back in my career and it was announced in the relevant trade magazine with my picture. I showed my actual boss to explained why I was leaving / she was quite shocked - I hadn't told anyone what I usually did for a living. Well it spread and the fucking bullies decided I WAS worthy of speaking to after all. Hypocritical bastards. I was polite and breezy but I made it very clear I had no intention of engaging with them. I wrote a long letter to my boss when I left detailing everything that had gone on. I don't know why I hadn't complained and complained when I was there - but I was in a very vulnerable place and I suppose I just didn't feel I could. God i wish I'd been strong enough to deal with them all face to face. Some people can be so horrible can't they?

I really like the suggestions of you being super friendly to everyone & feeding them muffins and buns.
Keep us posted as to the demise of the two witches

I'm going through a very similar situation at the moment too OP. It's so demoralising, stressful & upsetting. I feel exactly the way I felt when I was being bullied at secondary school.

My "crime" was getting the job the main culprit wanted but didn't actually bother to apply for Now anything I do is wrong, even sometimes just the fact I've done something is wrong, as it is when I haven't too. I can't win. I get at least one spiteful comment a day & there's lots of whispering and exclusion.

She is literally gleeful when something goes wrong for me or I make a mistake, and has great delight in sharing this with the rest of the team.

I've been keeping a log and regularly discussing with my (and her) line manager. I've been logging these conversations too as LM is doing v.little / nothing to help.

I hope your situation gets better soon OP, it's truly awful.

Unfortunately, as it sounds like a very dysfunctional workplace where the management are part of the overall bullying culture dynamic, I would probably make plans to leave.

If you think you can make a case and be listened to, then yes, do that. From what you have said though, I think you will be seen as the problem.

Life is too short to put up with nasty bitches like this, just move on and leave them to it. They will turn on each other eventually.

starfish Kind of. She wasn't at school with him.