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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you say if you don't like present?

43 replies

Soleye · 07/07/2016 22:30

Name changed as very embarrassed for posting this as aware I will come across spoilt and ungrateful!

Our 5th anniversary coming up and dh told me he's having an eternity ring made for me. (Didn't know my ring size so had to ask). He then showed me a photo of the ring he's intending to get and asked me if I liked it. I didn't Blushbut said I did because I just couldn't bring myself to say anything else as I was so blown away with the gesture.

I'm not a spoilt cow but not sure it's fair to let him spend that kind of money on something I'm not mad about? WIBU to tell him I'm not mad on it and steer him to something I prefer as I'll be wearing it for evermore! Please don't judge me I'm well aware others have real problems and this isn't oneBlush

OP posts:
MonkeysWAGMug · 07/07/2016 22:33

Ok, my answer to your thread title was an immediate "no".
But your situation is a bit different. If you know for sure he definitely hasn't already bought the ring, I'd steer him round to something different.

Original poster
Soleye · 07/07/2016 22:37

Thanks Monkeys- he hasn't bought it yet. He's borrowing it for. The shop to bring home to see if I like it first. Think I may just grow to like it as not sure I'll be able to say no!

OP posts:
redexpat · 07/07/2016 22:37

Sometimes. It really depends on circumstance and who is involved.

kissmethere · 07/07/2016 22:50

I never would say if I didn't like a gift. Just thank you and be grateful. DH has bought me a few items I don't like but I haven't said.

attheendoftheday · 07/07/2016 22:55

Not after it was bought, but I would absolutely tell dp before some hinges was bought.

attheendoftheday · 07/07/2016 22:56

Some hinges = something

followTheyellowbrickRoad · 07/07/2016 22:58

I would say now pick one that you both like.

Summerwood1 · 07/07/2016 22:58

No I wouldn't. He's put in a lot of thought into it. Lovely gesture for you treasure.

Arfarfanarf · 07/07/2016 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UmbongoUnchained · 07/07/2016 22:59

I wouldn't wear something I didn't like.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/07/2016 23:20

Oh absolutely say it, after the fact is too late but not now now is your chance - grab it, you have to wear it forever!! If he is borrowing it so you can try it on "Honestly it's not as nice as the photo but I really appreciate you thinking of me, maybe we could return it and look together?"

babynail · 07/07/2016 23:22

Yes tell him, he's not a mind reader, would be horrible to let him spend a lot of money on something you don't really like. Just be honest with him.

sirfredfredgeorge · 07/07/2016 23:27

To your partner, who's not even bought it yet of course you do!

To your great aunt who you see once a year and brings you floral knitted balaclavas when you live in Timbuktu, a white lie is fine.

ArmySal · 07/07/2016 23:31

Not after the fact, but in your shoes, with prior knowledge I wouldn't like it, I would say something.

whatamockerywemake · 07/07/2016 23:33

Not only have I never, ever said I don't like a present I've been given, I''ve often lied and said I love it.

However, if I'm ever asked before a purchase, I would do what I could to ensure what was eventually brought would be something I liked!

BackforGood · 07/07/2016 23:37

From your title I was going to say no, but, if he hasn't got it yet, then I'd tell him I was blown away by his thoughtfulness / kindness, but just not that keen on {insert 'emeralds' 'rubies' or whatever } and would he mind terribly if you chose somethi g together so you got more wear out of it.
Daft to spend your money on something you don't really like.

MintyChops · 07/07/2016 23:41

Just tell him if you don't like it otherwise you won't wear it and what a waste that would be!

Salmiak · 07/07/2016 23:43

Just tell him before he buys it - especially if he's going to go into debt to pay for it!!! If it were me then I'd encourage him to buy a more budget friendly alternative

Original poster
Soleye · 08/07/2016 21:13

Thanks all. He's bought it home on approval, I've been wearing it for a couple of hours and I have to say it's growing on meGrin salmiak I love your morals but don't know any women who would tell their husband to go for a budget friendly alternative when it comes to jewellery!Grin

OP posts:
SouperSal · 08/07/2016 21:24

salmiak I love your morals but don't know any women who would tell their husband to go for a budget friendly alternative when it comes to jewellery

Really? I'm one.

DH asked if I wanted an eternity after a friend's husband bought her one when our babies were born. I don't wear my wedding or engagement rings and had no interest in more diamonds. So he bought me a kitchenaid instead. Grin

Original poster
Soleye · 08/07/2016 21:32

A kitchenaid!!! Only on mumsnetGrin I can honestly say I don't know anyone like you- but I wish I did!

OP posts:
KamMum · 08/07/2016 21:37

What Nocabbageinmyeye said

grannytomine · 08/07/2016 21:52

SouperSal, I wear my wedding ring but don't know where my engagement ring is, I could probably find it but not going to have a look as it will only worry me if I can't. I don't like jewellery and was gutted when I retired last year and my leaving present was a piece of jewellery. I could have cried as I would have liked something nice to remember 20 years in my job and now there is a piece of jewellery lying in a drawer. Such a waste of money. I wonder if they never noticed I don't wear jewellery or maybe they thought I didn't have any and it would be a wonderful surprise. Epic fail. I did appreciate the gesture and thanked them but it was gutting.

MrsKoala · 08/07/2016 22:03

I would be annoyed if dh let me buy him something expensive that he didn't like. My purpose for buying someone a present is to give them something they want and feel good about. I would expect anyone close enough for me to buy something pricey /special for would be close enough to tell me they would like something changed. I would feel happy and relieved they told me.

HerRoyalNotness · 08/07/2016 22:04

DH, absolutely I'd tell him if I didn't like it. He bought me some small diamond earrings years ago, and I can see one is slightly different size Than the other and they are teeny. I've never worn them for those and another reason. I wish he'd asked first.

For other people, unless the ask I accept presents with thanks and then put in the cupboard or pass on if I can't use it, really don't like it.