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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's just after sex?

39 replies

ktalgfdk · 05/07/2016 15:27

Chatting to someone on tinder (he "super liked" me whatever that means), keeps calling me by a pet name to do with my hair and not super chatty, mainly jokey. If I ask questions eg about his week he'll reply and then put "you?"...

He lives far away so if we were to go on a date (has semi been mentioned) it would take a lot of planning. Although I am moving nearer next month.

Aibu to think he's just after sex?! I'm really not. Would prefer someone to take an interest in me as a person. Not sure whether to just stop communicating...

OP posts:
ChicRock · 05/07/2016 15:32

I don't know about whether he's just after sex but he certainly sounds a bit lazy and not particularly interested in getting to know much about you.

TheNaze73 · 05/07/2016 15:33

Not nearly enough info here, to call this. Go with your gut instinct. Tinder does have a sex pick up reputation though

KittensandKnitting · 05/07/2016 15:34

He sounds about as engaging as a rock... Sorry but just from the snippet above I'd be surprised if this had legs.

I'd move on to the next one, and let him chase you :)

Original poster
ktalgfdk · 05/07/2016 15:35

Ok, cool. He's always quick to reply and gives fairly long answers which is ok. If I don't ask questions he replies anyway but as a statement? I don't know how to play it. Reply or leave?

OP posts:
KittensandKnitting · 05/07/2016 15:47

Is he engaging you in conversation in that he makes you feel he is interested? Just from what you said above it sounded like he wasn't doing anything to captivate your attention.

Don't say anything for a bit and see if he reaches out to you? And if you like him then go on a date you don't have to sleep with him, or even kiss him! Might be in person you want too :)

peachpudding · 05/07/2016 15:51

Back when I was young it was possible to get to know someone in real life, even go on dates with them for months before you even considered having sex. How times have changed.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/07/2016 15:55

I don't think much has changed peach you just don't have to spend all night in a club before you hook up with someone.

People wait now,if they want to.

Original poster
ktalgfdk · 05/07/2016 15:55

I know peach, I much prefer the old way of doing things if I'm honest!

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/07/2016 15:56

I'd wait a bit OP and see what happens. Good luckSmile

icelollycraving · 05/07/2016 16:00

Well I'm assuming blondey?
If it's not sounding a goer then drop it.

Original poster
ktalgfdk · 05/07/2016 16:04

Mmm yeah! I fancy him from his pictures and am intrigued to meet but equally cannot be arsed with someone who isn't super chatty at this stage. I do wonder if that's just his way though? Drop it?

OP posts:
fattyfattytoadgirl · 05/07/2016 16:08

Not sure if I could cope with Tinder if I was back on the dating scene!

What name does he call you? Is it flattering? Cheeky? I have been reading a bit about "begging" lately so I'd be on the lookout for that.

fattyfattytoadgirl · 05/07/2016 16:08

NEGGING, not begging - autocorrect!

Original poster
ktalgfdk · 05/07/2016 16:11

Haha it's "blondey" (cringe), wrong spelling and all Blush

OP posts:
fattyfattytoadgirl · 05/07/2016 16:13

I don't think that would be a neg. It's not rude or mean, I don't think.

MorticiaLiverish · 05/07/2016 16:17

Perhaps he isn't a super chatty type of person?

Personally I think that if he was just after sex he would have tried to arrange a date by now, not just 'semi mention it'.

georgiatraher · 05/07/2016 16:20

if you're keen to meet meet.
I met a guy he seemed lovely then in the weeks after date was just interested in sex. so I cut ties.
you'd be wasting very little time to meet up with him and see how you feel OR keep talking for a while.
Tinder is a numbers game. make more matches have ALL the options you can so that when one falls by the way side its no biggie

Bearbehind · 05/07/2016 16:23

The 'blondey' thing would piss me off for a start- it sounds dismissive to me.

I couldn't be bothered to get into a long distance relationship with someone who s keen to talk about themself but not ask questions in return.

fattyfattytoadgirl · 05/07/2016 16:27

If he doesn't suggest a date after the next few interactions, I'd put him on the back-burner until he steps up.

I think dating is a numbers game. Don't give too much headspace to someone until they have earned it.

I don't know if I'm just hopelessly out of touch nowadays or if men need more encouragement these days before they'll ask for a date.

OP, maybe you'd feel more comfortable joining a more formal dating agency? I think the best ones charge a fee, but then you are more likely to meet people who are serious about wanting to meet someone. Saves time and mental energy!

Look at this link for ideas:-

www.marieclaire.co.uk/blogs/suzannah-ramsdale/541693/online-dating-the-11-best-sites.html

Try the above link for ideas ^. There are also dating sites for Academic Singles, Mature Dating, whatever your status is.

TheyOnceSaid · 05/07/2016 16:33

ktalgfdk

I am a bit confused as another poster posted something very similar to this a few days ago he also called "her" "blondie" if you're not the same poster and this is just a coinidence, you are never going to know whether he likes you or just wants to use you for sex, he can tell you he is interested and wants to take things slow, then when he finally gets sex he is off.

Perhaps you should try and meet someone in RL.

2nds · 05/07/2016 16:37

Not only is he being a sexist but he can't even spell Blondie, nice.

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2016 16:39

Sorry if this sounds like a dim question, but I've never done online dating etc.

When you chat to him, is it over the phone/internet or are they all typed messages?

If it's the latter, maybe typing/text chatting makes him feel awkward?

Perhaps it would be completely different if you chatted on the phone?

Ignore me if you've already done it.

bombayflambe · 05/07/2016 16:41

I thought Tinder was a hook-up site not a dating site. Maybe he thought the same?

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2016 16:42

See 2nds has already picked up on his spelling.

If others have done that in the past, it may have really knocked his confidence.

TheyOnceSaid · 05/07/2016 16:57

bombayflambe

Tinder is a hook up site, they also say POF is a dating site but I don't believe it is.

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