Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate giving lifts

45 replies

Didyoumeantobesorude1 · 04/07/2016 20:28

I know I shouldn't be so mean but it makes me so cross. One couple in particular, neither of them can drive and they just ask suddenly for a lift to various events and then dominate the conversation for an hour while we get there.

OP posts:
CrazyDuchess · 04/07/2016 20:29

Just say no?

Original poster
Didyoumeantobesorude1 · 04/07/2016 20:32

Wish I could Duchess, but they ask for example at a meal where we are surrounded by all our other friends. Some of whom also give them lifts quite a lot without apparently minding.

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 04/07/2016 20:34

Are these events you're also going to? Or are they using you as a taxi?

CrazyDuchess · 04/07/2016 20:34

Then come up with a go to excuse

"I'm actually going:.... whichever opposite direction to them

TroysMammy · 04/07/2016 20:34

Get a 2 seater car. I did when my exh's non driving family constantly telephoned with the opening words "can you do me a favour". I loved that MR2.

NavyAndWhite · 04/07/2016 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappenstanceMarmite · 04/07/2016 20:37

It's when the request for a lift is prefaced with the word "just". As in "can you JUST give me a lift to..."

Original poster
Didyoumeantobesorude1 · 04/07/2016 20:41

Ashamed to say yes, these are events I am also going to. Which is why I feel mean, but I still hate giving them a lift. Am liking the idea of a two seater car Troysmammy!

OP posts:
teacher54321 · 04/07/2016 20:41

I hate giving lifts. I hate receiving lifts. I hate other people in my car. I am not a friendly person!

maisiejones · 04/07/2016 22:45

I hate it. Some years ago my particular group of friends used to socialise in the same part of town. I lived furthest away so it was always 'can you pick me up on your way through?' Not once, not ever, did any of them suggest that just for a change they would drive a few miles in the opposite direction to pick me up. I've learned now though. My last three cars have been two- seaters.

PansOnFire · 04/07/2016 23:16

YANBU, I hate this too. I usually drive because I don't drink. I am usually asked quite politely for lifts to places where a group of us are meeting and this isn't usually too bad. But lifts back seem to be a free for all; sometimes people walk back to the car with me just expecting a lift. I've always been worried about affecting my friendships so haven't said anything, but I've had a word with myself lately and I wont let it happen - even at the expense of my friendships, they certainly aren't giving it any thought it makes it so much worse when I don't hear from them between events.

On one occasion one of my friends had moved half an hour in the opposite direction to my house and had failed to organise any transport home, she didn't make this known until I got up to leave. I said I'd drop her off and then she ordered another drink. Not only did she add an hour of driving on to my night but she also added another hour of me watching her drink.

Another friend asked in advance if I'd mind dropping her friend with a baby off at home after an event in a nearby town. This friend was going to walk with the baby, despite the event being on until after midnight. I agreed; on the way home it transpired that this girl lived 40 minutes out of the town where the event took place, in a very rural setting. We had to go through two farms to get there, opening the gates to get through and driving on tracks. She cheerily got out at home and said goodbye, leaving me to navigate myself home in the pitch black through complicated farm land.

I'm not sure whether its lifts I hate or rude people. I do hate giving lifts to people I work with though as I don't like having to work to a strict time. The last colleague I helped out with lifts demanded that she was picked up almost an hour earlier than I used to set off because she liked to get in early. She was my boss and quite hard to please so felt like life would have been unbearable if I'd refused either the lift or the early start. It was for a few weeks too.

WorraLiberty · 04/07/2016 23:30

I have the opposite problem I think Grin

I keep getting offered lifts when I don't need/want one.

There's nothing wrong with that and I know people are just being thoughtful, but it's when I have to refuse over and over and actually find myself explaining that I enjoy the walk.

People often look at me like I'm 'obviously lying', because I don't want to put them out.

The silly thing is, I sometimes end up lying about meeting a friend along the way, or needing to pop into a few shops along the journey, just so they'll take no thank you for an answer Confused

And don't even start me on the parents who insist on giving my DS a lift to school, because 'it's cold and you can't expect the poor little mite to walk in the rain'??

The 'little mite' is 5ft 9 and the school is literally 15 minutes away on foot Confused

Enoughisenough9 · 04/07/2016 23:44

It drives me nuts driving out of our estate when you see people you know walking. You have to offer a lift or you look like a cow. If I'm particularly cranky I'll do a flick down the sun visor/change radio station maneuver.

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2016 00:30

Why do you look like a cow?

Do people truly believe that no-one likes walking anywhere ever? Confused

beetroot2 · 05/07/2016 00:36

If Im going to the same place I offer lifts. Its no biggy

VioletBam · 05/07/2016 01:04

Is it just the fact that they dominate the conversation that makes you not want to drive them? Or is it because they can't drive?

GoblinLittleOwl · 05/07/2016 07:09

I don't mind in the slightest giving lifts to people who are unable to drive through illness or disability but I do object to giving lifts to people who won't drive and therefore can't reciprocate. People who won't drive are pastmasters at organising lifts for themselves and are impervious to the inconvenience, extra time and extra cost they incur.
You have to have very well organised excuses to outwit them:some of the best: 'the dogs go in the back of the car; I smoke too heavily; I have a bale of straw in the back; I don't know how to remove the car seats, I don't know what I shall be doing (two hours time) my son needs my car to pick up his son from town, No!

dustarr73 · 05/07/2016 07:16

I dont drive but i hate non drivers who just expect lifts.If im going somewhere i make sure i can get back home under my own steam.Youn are just going to have to say no,dont give reasons or excuses.

PizzaFlavouredCupcake · 05/07/2016 07:17

YANBU I'm happy to give lives once in a while to those who need it, but like that is just annoying! I agree with some of the others, get a 2 seater car!

CantChoose · 05/07/2016 07:17

I don't mind offering lifts to people who can and do reciprocate.
But I have several friends who 'can't' (won't) drive and their overtly transparent hinting drives me up the wall.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 05/07/2016 07:24

enough well a woman I worked with often drove past me on her way to work and would stop to give me a lift because I was walking. I couldn't say no because I'd look like a knob but I really really didn't want a lift. I liked my walk to work in the morning and didn't want to talk to anyone at 8.30. I started walking on the other side of the road to avoid her. So it works both ways!

NuggetofPurestGreen · 05/07/2016 07:26

And I liked this woman btw!

LittleRedWagon1 · 05/07/2016 07:29

Like Worra I have the opposite problem. When people kindly offer lifts and I have to politely decline several times before they will take my word for it that I enjoy the walk or like the bus journey as it gives me chance to relax read a book in peace or get a bit of exercise in.

I walk the 3 miles to pick the DC up from school and in nice weather the DC and I will walk home, if it's chucking it down though we tend to bus.

YANBU about people taking the mick by asking for lots of lifts though. You are under no obligation to offer or stop for anyone. As PP have said think of a few good stock answers for saying no or get a two seater.

Borderline69 · 05/07/2016 07:31

I used to give someone a regular lift as they didn't want to learn to drive. They never offered petrol money either and used to say how crazy it is owning a car as its so expensive. They were telling me it's much cheaper to use the bus and accept lifts. I also had to listen to what his grandchildren had eaten for breakfast every day and how much they had eaten. Used to bore me silly.

They found themselves another mug shortly after this as this tipped me over the edge!

pearlylum · 05/07/2016 07:32

OP I take it you don't have teenagers then.

I have two and I am a carer for my elderly mother. My DD does 18 hours of dance lessons a week.
Yesterday I did 12 individual lifts for other people, and that isn't unusual.

Swipe left for the next trending thread