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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate people like this?

46 replies

WhatInTheWorld76 · 30/06/2016 17:58

I have a "friend", let's call her Mary.
Mary seems nice enough. She's two years younger than me and isn't particularly mature. Chatty, outgoing etc. But when anyone mentions anything Mary immediately responds with a comment like "oh I did that/have that/ my friend X said that was rubbish.."
Now, I'm fully prepared to be told IABU, but isn't it slightly very fucking annoying that whatever subject is being discussed, Mary will draw the conversation back to herself. If, for example, the ladies are discussing Spain and all of them have been there but she hasn't then the response isn't "I've never been there.." it's along the lines of "Spain?! I would NEVER go there! Why go there when you can go to insert a place she has been in a bid to look flasher"

It sets my teeth on edge and I want to slap her hard challenge her then in a second she's smiling like the lady Madonna.

AIBU to HATE people who can't have a NORMAL conversation without being insecure and bitchy? More importantly, is there a name for this condition? I have never ever heard her express genuine happiness for anyone or any kindness. It's just all about her, her experiences, her opinion etc. Is she ill? Am I unreasonable?

Fully prepared for a total flaming.

OP posts:
ShutTheFuckUpBarbara · 30/06/2016 18:12

There's a woman like this at work, I don't work in her team but she sits near me (big open plan office). She spends her days interrupting her colleagues' conversations with loud statements of how she's been there, done that, only much better than everyone else.

Everyone just ignores her and basically talk over her head, it's pretty funny.

Your friend is probably insecure, but yes I agree it's very annoying!

RandyMagnum · 30/06/2016 18:16

The condition is either a "black catter" (if you've got a black cat, they've got one which is blacker), or an "elevenerifer" you've been to tenerife, they've been to elevenerife.

We have someone at work, if you've got something, their mate has two of them.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/06/2016 18:17

I think we all know someone like this, although I'm more familiar with 'Elevenerife Syndrome', where you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife. Everything they've done/seen/had is either the absolute best, or the absolute worst. No-one can top them.

Whilst they are bloody annoying, it can be entertaining to bait them with ever-more exotic places/experiences (Have you been shark-tagging in Indonesia Mary, it sounds like the sort of thing an exciting person like yourself would try?) to see what they'll come up with. Or run a bingo card of their cliched responses, and see if you can get House in one converstion. Takes the sting out of being in their company.

PortiaCastis · 30/06/2016 18:19

I just say " oh how special did you get a 2.1 in oneupmanship

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 30/06/2016 18:29

Wait til Mary has children, the conversation topping will move to a whole new level:
Their baby got an 11 on their APGAR score,
They spoke their first word at 3 weeks,
They walked at 8 months and are very advanced for their age.. and so on.

HumphreyCobblers · 30/06/2016 18:30

someone on here once referred to 'two shits Dave'. Because if you have done one shit, he has done two.

Queenbean · 30/06/2016 18:32

Well you may have got a 2.1 Portia but I got a 1st in one-upmanship... Grin

letsstaytogether · 30/06/2016 18:42

You've been to Ten-erife & she's been to Eleven-erife, yeah? Yawn.
Sounds like you're talking about my sister Grin

maxeffort0satisfaction · 30/06/2016 18:53

I hate people who sit there having done or known something about something and they are hiding that fact, I think sharing what they know gets the conversation going rather than awkward silences. they are listening to you so why cant you listen back? and its not about putting the attention on them its fucking ping pong back and forth not just a lecture on you and your own opinion and story.
Maybe she has something to add to that or has a personal opinion or experience? I certainly would hate it if they have some knowledge or experience which they didn't share. I think youre being a bitchy and probably jealous about something u hate about her..
maybe she's been listening to u for ages?

if u don't want someone to add to your conversation to just listen passively pay a psychotherapist.. people and friends talk and listen not just listen listen listen.

LindyHemming · 30/06/2016 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maxeffort0satisfaction · 30/06/2016 18:56

why do u think its bragging? maybe its u who wants to be the first or best or worst at something and when someone is actually opening up about something because the subject is about that thing you feel undermined because guess what the attention is not on your story. how are you any less self centred by the same argument u want to bask in the glory of that story?

Dontyoulovecalpol · 30/06/2016 18:59

Because maxeffort, she's saying the friend does this whoever is speaking, not just her.

OP my best friend is exactly like this. I have never known her to Visit me without the most dramatic journey in the world getting here. When she came to visit me after my terrible birth with my new babies I listened to 10 Mins of how awful her journey was and how much she's hurt herself doing something before I was like "SO. Me! I nearly died and made a person. Look at the person!!!"

OutsiderInTheGarden · 30/06/2016 19:07

Uurgh everyone knows a Mary. I think Marys are usually oblivious to how annoying they are and how they are perceived by others. And if you think there isn't a Mary in your particular circle, then congratulations! It's you.

VocalDuck · 30/06/2016 19:09

It is annoying but the one I know does it purely out of insecurity and not bitchiness, so I give her plenty of slack for it.

Original poster
WhatInTheWorld76 · 30/06/2016 19:15

Maxeffort0Satisfaction, it's bragging and annoying because she scorns everything that she hasn't done or experienced. For example, it's not "oh, how was your holiday?" It's "oh, poor thing you went to X, I told you to go to y like me and hubby did". It's attack attack attack. Not interest or care. I'm not the only one who notices it. It becomes particularly obvious if it's about something she wanted but doesn't have. Jealousy?!

OP posts:
Rumpelstiltskin143 · 30/06/2016 19:28

For example, it's not "oh, how was your holiday?" It's "oh, poor thing you went to X, I told you to go to y like me and hubby did".

You should answer straight back. "Oh God no, we went to y and it was full of people who thought they were better than everybody else"

FolderReformedScruncher · 30/06/2016 19:34

Does anyone else use the term 'topper' for this sort of thing. As in she can top anything you come up with.

Come out with something totally outrageous but with a straight face to tug her chain a bit OP. Oh and I have two at work. One is not too bad but the other is impossible to have any sort of meaningful conversation with.

SlowJinn · 30/06/2016 19:34

I have never heard the Elevenorife thing before today!! But I think we all know someone who tries to be better than everyone else. There was a competitive mother from toddler group onwards, whose child slept through the night from 10 days old, was walking and talking before he was one, described as gifted and talented by his private tutor aged 4, a singing and dancing sensation throughout his childhood, predicted to get A grades in GCSE's taken a year before he needed to, and so on and on and on.

He's a lovely young man, works in Aldi with my daughter now.

Beeziekn33ze · 30/06/2016 19:38

Love topper and elevenerife as terms.
We had a boss like that. A friend said 'Do you think when I tell her I'm pregnant she'll say she's just had a baby?' Insecure and pathetic.

BeALert · 30/06/2016 19:49

DD2 has a friend like this. We found ourselves saying stuff just to see what she said in return. It was funny for a whole...

Original poster
WhatInTheWorld76 · 30/06/2016 19:50

That's what gets me about her. I turn muderous. I want to be a snidey nasty butch back and I'm a lover, not a hater! Apart from her.Her I hate.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatInTheWorld76 · 30/06/2016 19:55

Butch. Not quite. Bitch. Definitely.

OP posts:
bertsdinner · 30/06/2016 20:00

Me and my sister call them toppers, there are a lot of them about. Anything you do, they do better. I dont believe some of the stories some of them come out with, I think half of its made up. Toppers stories can be amusing.

BabooshkaKate · 30/06/2016 20:02

One upmanship...

gunsandbanjos · 30/06/2016 20:09

My ex husband was like this, used to drive me bonkers.

Anytime a story was told, he had a REALLY similar one that was just a bit better.

Big fat yawn...

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