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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers on Facebook - friend request?

53 replies

molesworth2 · 30/06/2016 06:33

My husband got a friend request from my daughter's teacher the other day. He probably wouldn't know her if he saw her in the street and hadn't a clue who she was until I pointed out that she'd been teaching his daughter for the past six months Hmm . They have no mutual friends and I don't think there would be any link in the algorithms for her even to be prompted to friend him by fb given that they have such a distant connection. My question is this though - AIBU to think it's a bit odd to go round friending parents you barely know? I thought they supposed to maintain a professional distance? And how to face her if he doesn't friend back? Any advice gratefully received! (She hasn't friended me btw - the one who actually turns up to parents evenings... )

OP posts:
microscope · 30/06/2016 06:35

That's odd. Teaches at my sons preschool are banned from friending parents, I know because I am friends with one of them outside school but can't be FB friends while I am a parent. I'm a doctor and would never be FB friends with a patient.

Sukistjames · 30/06/2016 06:35

Very bizarre. Most schools now have a social media policy and teachers are not allowed to be 'friends' with parents or pupils. It opens up too many problems. I'd tell him to ignore it.

PolaroidsFromTheBeyond · 30/06/2016 06:36

It's odd. And I'd be very surprised if it wasn't against the school's social media policy.

TheCrumpettyTree · 30/06/2016 06:37

That's really strange, especially if you're the person they see. I'm a HCP and we have strict rules on social media.

MakeItRain · 30/06/2016 06:37

That's odd. Most teachers actively avoid having parents as friends. (Unless they are actually friends. ) Of course your husband can ignore it though, and he doesn't need to mention it. If she did bring it up he can just say he hardly uses it.

EricaPrimrose · 30/06/2016 06:38

YANBU - that is so weird! Definitely a HUGE no-no for teachers, I'll bet my life she was having a profile stalk, and accidentally friend requested him.
I'd actually bring it up with her at drop off, say something along the lines of.
'Just to let you know, you friend requested my DH on Facebook last night, he won't accept though, don't worry!'

That way you're letting her know you think it's massively inappropriate, but without asking why she's done it.

How old is your DD? Is it a small school? I'm trying to think of reasons why this would be okay in her eyes ConfusedHmm

apple1992 · 30/06/2016 06:39

Maybe she was snooping and clicked it back accident..

TheCrumpettyTree · 30/06/2016 06:40

Is she friends with other parents?

Just delete it, you don't need to stay anything.

TheCrumpettyTree · 30/06/2016 06:40

*say

BikeRunSki · 30/06/2016 06:41

Ignore. Completely inappropriate.

Original poster
molesworth2 · 30/06/2016 06:46

It's primary Ericaprimrose - so I suppose more 'close' than it might be at secondary but still quite large - around 500 kids? I think your right - I'll just tell him to ignore it which he was probably going to do anyway before I started overthinking it Confused

OP posts:
LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 30/06/2016 06:49

It's really odd isn't it?
One of ds's friends mum is Facebook friends with the headteacher. They don't know each other socially. I imagine this mum just sent her a request as she's completely indiscriminate in who she adds but why the head would have accepted I have no idea.

Original poster
molesworth2 · 30/06/2016 06:49

[edit] you're (too early in the morning for me...)

OP posts:
Namechangenurseryconcerns · 30/06/2016 06:51

I reckon she did it by mistake. She's probably mortified!
Or maybe he showed up on her 'people you may know' thing and she confused him with someone else?

Chikara · 30/06/2016 06:53

Probably an accident. I accidently requested a friend of one of my distant "friends", he accepted and it was very embarrassing. I had to explain why I then defriended.

Also I keep getting "people you know" popping up as suggested friends - most of whom I have never heard of. And as for Linked In - I have network requests from people who have once sent an e-mail to someone I have once sent an e-mail to!!! As PP said - nothing dodgy - just ignore.

user1465823522 · 30/06/2016 06:53

that;'s just weird and would make uncomfortable to be honest. Also not very professional

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 30/06/2016 06:53

Sounds accidental or inappropriate. How old is your daughter? Clutching large imaginary straws could she be the staff member who arranges work experience and your dd mentioned that your dh arranges work experience placements in a large corporation? Or similar work related explanation? If it is mentioned then I would honestly say that you doubt he would recognise who she is and he isn't on fb much. Could he be the friend of a friend of hers?

BerriesandLeaves · 30/06/2016 06:55

Probably clicked it by accident yes.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 30/06/2016 06:55

X post probably not in primary!

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/06/2016 06:56

If you have ever emailed the teacher and she has done the add friends via email contacts it may have happened that way.

WellDoYaPunks · 30/06/2016 07:04

Ds teacher popped up in my people you may know, I think because he phoned my mobile once about medication for ds & must've used his own phone.
Perhaps this happened and she thought he was someone she knew but didn't realise it was a parent (esp if he hasn't been to the school much)

ladymariner · 30/06/2016 07:05

That's bizarre. Can't imagine she's done it deliberately, agree with pp that she's been having a nosy and hit friend request by mistake. At our school we are completely banned from having pupils or parents of pupils as friends on our Facebook, not that any of us would want the kids as friends anyway!!! Think line from the Hangover, "it's 3.30, I do not know you, you do not exist!" Grin

Batboobs · 30/06/2016 07:06

I'm going to guess that it is probably some sort of unfortunate accident (or she was snooping).

I don't think many teachers would add parents or students and risk ending their professional career! My DP is a teacher, but has only ever added a few of his ex students. Even that I think is risky, but he's been teaching for over 10 years and lots of them are mature adults now.

Flowerfriday · 30/06/2016 07:09

She was stalking you! 😀😀

See if she looks you in the eye today.

topcat2014 · 30/06/2016 07:09

All this talk of 'inappropriate' is surely a bit heavy. Teachers are not 'the other' you know.

One of DC teacher's lives on our road - are we not supposed to speak in the street?

It's not quite in the league of doctor and patient - they just teach our children?

Are they just supposed to sit at home and never go out?

Assume in this case it was inadvertent - but then I tend to accept anyone who pops up.