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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teachers on Facebook - friend request?

53 replies

molesworth2 · 30/06/2016 06:33

My husband got a friend request from my daughter's teacher the other day. He probably wouldn't know her if he saw her in the street and hadn't a clue who she was until I pointed out that she'd been teaching his daughter for the past six months . They have no mutual friends and I don't think there would be any link in the algorithms for her even to be prompted to friend him by fb given that they have such a distant connection. My question is this though - AIBU to think it's a bit odd to go round friending parents you barely know? I thought they supposed to maintain a professional distance? And how to face her if he doesn't friend back? Any advice gratefully received! (She hasn't friended me btw - the one who actually turns up to parents evenings... )

OP posts:

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 30/06/2016 07:14

A teacher acquaintance of mine has loads of parents on her FB because her kids go to the same school.

There don't seem to be any social media rules in her school! (or she just bypasses them!)

Likewise, my cousin works in a pre-school setting and is forever scattergunning her FB with photos of the children, gushy comments from the parents etc (who are also clearly her FB friends)

I am tbh every time either of them crops up in my feed because it is very different in my school (not UK) I have connections with kids for projects and exam prep, but all on the edmodo site.

shrunkenhead · 30/06/2016 07:14

I know most schools have a social media policy and to me it seems quite sensible however at my child's school (which is a small village school) many parents and teachers are "friends" on fbk. I think it's inappropriate but maybe I'm just antisocial!

Ditsy4 · 30/06/2016 07:15

Send a message to say you feel it is inappropriate. I don't do Facebook for that reason. Some staff at our school live in the area and have been friends/grown up with some parents and are friends on Facebook. I think they just need to slip up or mention something which has happened in school and land themselves in it!

nuttymango · 30/06/2016 07:16

Tell him to ignore it and block her. Has he got a common name that she could have muddled up with somebody else or just had a friend suggestion that she accidentally clicked on?
It's bound to be against the social media policy.

SoupDragon · 30/06/2016 07:17

I would say it was an accident. The FB algorithms are really clever as they do throw up random people o know occasionally. I reckon she was being nosey and accidentally sent the request. Just decline and forget about it.

cdtaylornats · 30/06/2016 07:34

She may not know he is a parent. Perhaps they have a mutual interest or went to the same university. With Facebook it seems if they both went to the same cafe its enough.

snowy508601 · 30/06/2016 07:41

I think it was by accident

SymphonyofShadows · 30/06/2016 07:42

Or she knows someone of the same name? Does he use his photo as a profile pic?

DetestableHerytike · 30/06/2016 07:49

Agree, accidental add or same name as someone she knows - if he is called Dave Smith and has a football as his profile pic, that's quite likely. He can decline the add.

whois · 30/06/2016 07:51

I bet his email is in her contacts and a friend request was sent to everyone.

VioletBam · 30/06/2016 07:53

All those who think it's too hysterical to talk about this being inappropriate aren't seeing the bigger picture.

Social media is just that. Social. Media.

It's out there...to use for social reasons and business. Your child's teacher does not need access to your private account and you don't need access to theirs. There are too many risk factors for people...either party...to get judged.

Warrior314 · 30/06/2016 08:00

Definitely an accident!!

But relax?

We've ALL done it. Looked at somebody''s page. It doesn't mean she fancies him either. I sometimes used to wonder how x knew y or something.

ignore and never mention

Warrior314 · 30/06/2016 08:01

"I bet his email is in her contacts and a friend request was sent to everyone."

This doesn't happen. Are you thinking of friend suggestions?.

SoupDragon · 30/06/2016 08:11

All those who think it's too hysterical to talk about this being inappropriate aren't seeing the bigger picture.

All those who talk about this being inappropriate and how the teacher should be told its inappropriate aren't seeing that this is most likely an accident.

Warrior314 · 30/06/2016 08:13

Yes.

She's probably cringing and just banking on an under-reaction from somebody who's almost done the same thing themselves once or twice.

Not the same because I was heading off on a date to meet this man but when I was on my way there I got an fb request from him. I laughed. I knew it was an accident. Bus went over a bump I thought? I said to him ''i got your friend request'' and he blushed a bit.

Find me a facebook user who hasn't done this or nearly done it. People saying "this is why I don't use facebook" don't understand how little this means.

Original poster

molesworth2 · 30/06/2016 08:14

You're all quite right - I'll ignore and forget (or at least - my husband will). Might give her a bit of side eye at parent teachers though....

OP posts:

Geoff0409 · 30/06/2016 08:22

Accidental would be my guess. I agree the Facebook algorithms are very clever.

Scuttle22 · 30/06/2016 08:26

When I signed up to Facebook it linked all my contacts and also contacts of friend's parent's of a group my daughter attended (about 50 parents). It could be this where emails have coincided through a group.

TheSultanofPingu · 30/06/2016 08:33

I somehow sent a friend request to the daughter of a work colleague last week. I've never met her. Didn't know that I'd sent it until she accepted.
I think it's really easy to do accidentally, especially on your phone. You only have to click on accidentally and it's done.

Alfieisnoisy · 30/06/2016 08:38

I've sent friend requests without realising....still not sure how. I only discover it when they accept. On the other hand I have made a couple of good friends online who I have a laugh with.

On a separate note I wouldn't every send a friend request to a teacher although once DS left his junior school I stayed in contact with one or two and we are now friends on FB. DS is autistic though and they supported him (and me) throughout the school years.

Socksey · 30/06/2016 09:57

I don't friend any of my students (18+) on FB and by the same token, I would never send a friend request to my LOs teachers either.
Not fair to anyone and there are times that professional boundaries are needed.

UptownFunk00 · 30/06/2016 10:13

That's strange.

A few of my ex teachers friend dequested me but at least 2 years after ivleft and as an adult.

She must have been looking for him if they had no mutual friends.

apple1992 · 30/06/2016 17:55

Thinking about it, I'm not sure schools social media policies would mention parents. I don't think ours does? Just not to be friends with students. If teachers live locally it's likely they are friends with parents of students so a 'rule' like this would be too restrictive?

Smeldra · 30/06/2016 18:18

I would think she was probably snooping and sent the request by mistake. It happens on a phone/tablet if you hover for too long.

chickenowner · 30/06/2016 18:22

I knew a secondary teacher who had a fake fb profile made for him and some of his colleagues by a group of pupils. (They were expelled for this.) Is it possible that this has happened? The friend request would then come from the pupils and not the teacher!

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