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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about age gaps?

51 replies

Justwondering79 · 26/06/2016 07:13

I am 37, 38 in February and DS is 7 months today. DS son was the result of 11 months TTC and is an absolute delight, a calm, happy, content little boy. I know we are not guaranteed number 2 will have the same temperament!

We definitely would like a second baby. Money and space are not an issue. My question is when to start TTC again. DH says now and my gut instinct is to agree but I would like to hear your experiences of smaller age gaps? If we caught straight away (if we were that lucky!) we'd be looking at a 15 month age gap - am I mad? Or is it do-able?

I really want to be 38/39 when we have number 2, I'd love to hear your experiences.

OP posts:

doesntmatterwhoyouare · 26/06/2016 07:18

We have 16 months age gap and your dc1 sounds similar to.ours (dc2 is very diff) so far its doable and they are lovely together kissing and hugging, dc1 shh the little.one to sleep and she is now copying when he is tired etc.
But dc2 is only 17months so maybe it gets harder later

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 26/06/2016 07:19

I had 11.5 months between dc1 and dc2. Then 12 months between dc2 and dc3, so less than 2 years between dc1 and dc3. I didn't find it too difficult. Dc1 was quite a hard baby, but dc2 was very placid and dc3 was somewhere in between the other 2

sandgrown · 26/06/2016 07:21

15 months between my two eldest. It was hard work but my son had not reached the age where he was jealous of his little sister. They have always been very close and the gap was not so wide that they did not enjoy the same things. Plus I still had all the baby equipment.

DeathStare · 26/06/2016 07:21

I have one smaller gap than that and one very slightly bigger gap than that. It was really easy. I've never really understood why some people think small gaps are hard.

NickyEds · 26/06/2016 07:25

Do it. I have an 19 month age gap and it's lovely. Sometimes hard work but I'm not convinced that there is a easy age gap.

mrsnec · 26/06/2016 07:41

I am 38. I have a 20 month old dd and a 4 month old ds.

I had a difficult pregnancy and struggled to give dd the attention she deserved. We didn't get out to groups or anything. And sometimes now I'm greatful she can occupy herself while I am seeing to him but I do sometimes wonder if a slightly bigger gap would have been better. Dd is still in nappies and can't feed herself yet so I have days when I feel that's all I do.

But everyone tells me it gets better when they get older. It's the same gap my mum had with us and she coped. I just accept all the help I'm offered.

A friend was talking about a bigger age gap the other day. Said she couldn't take hers to a theme park because the little one didn't understand why he couldn't go on the same rides as his sister. I know that's a very small thing in the grand scheme of things but interesting I thought. At least mine can do things together.

branofthemist · 26/06/2016 07:52

I have 5 years between mine. Dbro has 15 months between his.

We decided both were just as hard in different ways. Both had their perks.

CPtart · 26/06/2016 07:55

2.5 months here. Not so close to be unbearably hard and to have comparisons constantly made with sibling (experience), but big enough to be enable to please everybody in leisure time, and for them to enjoy similar interests as they get older.

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere · 26/06/2016 07:59

10months between dc2 and dc3 here...and dc4 18months after that so had 3 under 2.5 for a bit - it's all good fun! There are moments of " what have I done?!" But few and far between!

CPtart · 26/06/2016 08:25

2.5 years not months!

Smurfing · 26/06/2016 08:35

Totally doable - I have 12 months between mine, they're now 3&4 and I love now that they are at a similar stage which makes everything including playing together, days out and tv/book choices easier. There's 4 years between myself and my brother and it was always a compromise as we never could/wanted to do the same things. It does mean in the future we will have a 4 year block of GCSE/a-level exam stress as a family but I try not to think about that just yet! totally glosses over the first year being a bit of a bitch

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 26/06/2016 08:43

I have a 2 year gap and a 1 year gap between my 3.

In lots of ways the smaller gap was easier, especially at first. It was time consuming rather than difficult if that makes sense? I managed to get them to nap at the same time in the afternoon which saved my sanity I think. Having 2 toddlers at once was interesting at times! The older they get, the nicer it is. They share a lot of interests and get on well with each other's friends. Not sure about the teen years ahead though

Nobloodynamesleft · 26/06/2016 08:43

IME you will have a tough couple of years and then it will be OK. Getting any child from birth to aged 3 is hard work. It's good to get it all out of the way in one go, and they like the same things. They can play together, watch the same TV, go to the same days out, they have friends in common. It's nearly killed me but it's all done now and the future is mine!

Original poster

Justwondering79 · 26/06/2016 08:54

Thanks everyone! Not reading anything that is scaring me off so might dust off the opks!

My biggest fear is DS being left out but I feel he'll still have more of me at home with a baby than he would me going back to work full time (which I am in September?)

A few friends have said seeing DC1 with DC2 has made them love them even more than they thought possible?

I was also worried I wouldn't have enough love for two but got told your love doubles rather than splits which made me cry!

OP posts:

Original poster

Justwondering79 · 26/06/2016 09:02

I'm a teacher Smurfing so I have exam stress every year!

OP posts:

Original poster

Justwondering79 · 26/06/2016 09:07

Cptart - ideally I would wait until Christmas to start TTC but if it takes a year again I'm skating a little closer to 40 than I'd prefer. 2 years would be a great gap imo but if it happens sooner I'd just like to know we'd cope!

OP posts:

chloechloe · 26/06/2016 09:13

I am the same age as you. DD is 15mo and 2nd is due in Dec, so there will be a 21 month gap.

I think there's no way of knowing how hard or easy it will be - there are so many variables. Whatever happens you will cope because there's no other option.

I have times where I worry about what we've done and wonder how well cope (usually when DD is going through a difficult phase). But both were IVF babies and I didn't want to wait too long for the second as I was worried it might take years or never happen. We decided to try for the second when DD was 1 - I was glad to have devoted myself to her for that first year and that I also gave my body a time to rest. Personally I think that as you spend 9 months being pregnant, you should give your body the same amount of time to recover, but if you feel ready for another why not.

belleandsnowwhite · 26/06/2016 09:23

I have a 2.5 yr gap. 4 and 18 months. The 18month old is getting to the stage of wanting to play with the older child. It helps a lot as they can entertain each other for short period of time. (long enough to sort the washing or start tea) I think as they get older it gets easier.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 26/06/2016 09:52

I have a couple of minutes between mine. A friend has 17 years between hers. We both think we got it right

Actually, I think the closer together the better, but others will think differently.

OP you will have enough love for two. Twins, triplets and quads are loved no less for being part of a set of babies.

JaceLancs · 26/06/2016 10:05

17 months between my children
I coped fine - they were very close as children and still are now which is lovely
DD is 24 DS is 24

pinocchiosnose · 26/06/2016 10:11

15 months here too . The first year was tough. Dd was very jealous and took it out on me mostly however now she's 3 and they get on great ( most of the time ) it's lovely to see them playing together. Good luck whatever you choose

OutsiderInTheGarden · 26/06/2016 10:19

I'm expecting DS2 and there will be 16 months between them. I am worried about the practicalities, like how bedtime will work for DS1 when I've got a needy newborn breastfeeding for hours on end, of how I will ever get out of the house because frankly I found it almost impossible with just one child! (But maybe I'm more useless than most!) Also how I will give DS1 the attention and energy he needs when I've been up doing 2 hourly feeds through the night. But we wanted them so close in age so that they could share experiences together, and I am so looking forward to seeing DS1 take on the role of big brother as he gets a little older. I'll need to re-read this thread when my boobs and the bags under my eyes are hanging down to my knees.

LarrytheCucumber · 26/06/2016 10:40

Just under 14 months between my first two, in the days of towelling nappies and twin tubs. It was fine. They got on well throughout childhood (boy first then girl). Can't see the problem.

prettyFLower23 · 26/06/2016 11:00

2 of my friends had 12m and 15m gaps

Both found in hell. Wait until you'd DS is 2 (nearly potty trained, will hold your hand and walk, knows right/ wrong and listens)

Both families kind of went into isolation and never did anything until their youngest child was over age 2. It was constant and relentless.

prettyFLower23 · 26/06/2016 11:03

Sorry didn't see your age

I guess even if you got pregnant today your son would be 16m when next is born. And if it takes a year like first that would be 2y4m

Tbh I'd get on with it as it may take longer than a year and it's better to have 2 closer together and have a hard few years ahead than 1 (if you wanted 2)

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