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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about age gaps?

51 replies

Justwondering79 · 26/06/2016 07:13

I am 37, 38 in February and DS is 7 months today. DS son was the result of 11 months TTC and is an absolute delight, a calm, happy, content little boy. I know we are not guaranteed number 2 will have the same temperament!

We definitely would like a second baby. Money and space are not an issue. My question is when to start TTC again. DH says now and my gut instinct is to agree but I would like to hear your experiences of smaller age gaps? If we caught straight away (if we were that lucky!) we'd be looking at a 15 month age gap - am I mad? Or is it do-able?

I really want to be 38/39 when we have number 2, I'd love to hear your experiences.

OP posts:
Bravada · 26/06/2016 14:00

Yes, it might be hard (am currently wondering about a dc2 myself) but I think honestly at 37 you might not have time to be thinking of perfect age gaps and more about whether or not you would like a second one at all. If the answer is yes, I think - just crack on! If you are lucky and conceive fast I am sure you will cope one way or another and at least you will have another baby. If you wait it might be too late.

DollyBarton · 26/06/2016 14:04

19mths between 1 and 2, 15mths between 2 and 3. Small age gaps are fine when there's just 2 kids. It does get tougher when there's 3 but maybe it would be tougher anyway. Go for it!

SamWheat · 26/06/2016 14:05

I'd have thought that having two children close together would be a positive, as they'll be near in age and able to play together at the same pace.
Having a playmate around the same age would be a great idea.

TheHobbitMum · 26/06/2016 14:08

I have 4 kids and we had 2 sets of 2 case together. 1st 2 have an age gap of 10mths then we waited 4 yes then had the 2nd 2 with a 15mth age gap. No problems and we liked them close together although we have huge help involvement with both grandparents and I'm under no illusion just how much they have helped lol I would prefer kids close together rather than 5/6yrs between x

iMatter · 26/06/2016 18:50

12 month age gap here.

I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Go for it Smile

TheFirie · 26/06/2016 18:54

3 year gap.
You get the time to enjoy the first.

MiaowTheCat · 26/06/2016 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dustarr73 · 26/06/2016 19:23

My first 2 where a year apart,then it took me 12 years to have the next one.Its not guaranteed so in your case i would get ttc straight away.Better to have them close than leave it to late for another one.

There are positives,play together,school together.

HostaFireandIce · 26/06/2016 19:48

Definitely do it. I'm a bit younger than you, but we've been trying for number two for 18 months now. I wish we'd started sooner.

parallax80 · 26/06/2016 20:03

18 months between DS1 and DD, and 1 minute between DD and DS2 Smile. It's fine.

Dozyoldtwonk · 26/06/2016 20:08

Just read this thread & breathed a sigh of relief albeit temporarily. I've just found out we're expecting DC2, DC1 is not 1yo yet (a few weeks off). So there will be a 19/20 month gap & im shitting myself scared of how I'll cope. Trying to focus on the upsides of having two close together. seemed like such a good idea at the time

DramaAlpaca · 26/06/2016 20:10

16 month gap here between DC1 & DC2. I got pregnant first month of trying for the second one, which was a bit of a shock at as it took almost a year of trying for DC1. Like you OP we thought we should just get on with it as it might take ages, but we got lucky first time.

I won't deny it was hard work but it was doable & well worth it. They are young adults now & still very close, but very different personalities. It can't have been too bad because I had DC3 2.5 years later.

Dozyoldtwonk · 27/06/2016 21:29

In a shameless attempt to resurrect this thread, please talk more about age gaps - big & small, for good & bad.

Slightly nervous at the prospect of such a relatively short gap Shock

OutsiderInTheGarden · 27/06/2016 22:10

Dozy I have a friend with five (Yes FIVE!!) DCs. Three are very close together, then a gap, and another two close together. I spoke with her before ttc with DS2, and she said the gap between the first 3 and last 2 was the hardest thing. A lot of people have said similar things to me; getting back into the baby groove (nappies, night feeds, bottles) is really hard, but gaving them close together means you get that stuff done and dusted. The one bit of advise she gave me was to invest in a really good double buggy (which I've done) and a really good baby sling/carrier (which I haven't done yet, don't think my moby wrap is really up to it).

Dozyoldtwonk · 27/06/2016 22:55

Thanks Outsider, can I ask what double buggy you have gone for? I've also started the search, the advice given to me was "buy the best you can afford". [confuse

OutsiderInTheGarden · 27/06/2016 23:16

I did quite a bit of research, because I wanted a buggy I could add a second seat to, and we needed a sturdy, 'off-road' type because we live on a smallholding down a ridiculously long lane which is so badly potholed it's like it's been mortared. So it's a single buggy that converts by adding a second seat, I should have said that. So I got a Phil & Teds Explorer second hand from Ebay for £250, and it had barely been used. It is fantastic on rough ground and the beach, but it's bloody heavy so it's a pain getting it in and out of my car boot. On balance I still really love it, and I think it'll perform well once we're using the second seat. Only niggle I have, aside from the weight, is that the seats will only face away from you, which I know many people don't like with really little babies. But ours was carried everywhere in a moby wrap for months and months, by which time he would have been sick of looking at me anyway!

mrsnec · 28/06/2016 04:51

I think it depends on circumstances. I have so far managed without a double buggy and I left it to see if I needed one first. You can always pick them up second hand.

doesntmatterwhoyouare · 28/06/2016 05:06

I got a second hand mountain double buggy. Its a side by side that fits.through a standard doorway, has a carrycot attachment and large inflatable tyres so good on smaller rds and parks, lots of pockets for nappies and snacks and a large basket underneath for shopping etc.
Was def worth it during the first yr-18 months as we walk a lot.

SaltySeaBird · 28/06/2016 05:19

If you definitely want another I'd start TTC and not worry about the gap. We started when DD was 6 months old. 1 year trying, a miscarriage followed by just over another year trying and we have a 3.5 year age gap.

LarrytheCucumber · 28/06/2016 07:37

Outsider I had 18 and a half years between DC2 and DC3 and I got back into the swing really easily!

OutsiderInTheGarden · 28/06/2016 14:55

Well obviously there are going to be people with very different experiences, Larry. Lots of people have told me they struggled going back to baby land after a few years or more. It's one of the reasons we've chose to have our second so soon after our first. We were hoping for twins first time around, so this is the next best thing for us.

redskytonight · 28/06/2016 15:02

My 2 DC are 20 months apart. It meant that I was totally exhausted for the year that I had 2 under 3, but got it over with in one fell swoop! Plus as they get older we can generally do the same thing with both of them as they like the same sort of things, or at any rate what's age appropriate for one is generally ok for the other.

jennasmith951 · 28/06/2016 15:58

Of course it is do-able! It can be a little harder coping with two little ones at the same time, but I am sure you will be fine!

Katedotness1963 · 28/06/2016 16:02

I had my first at 36 and second at 38. There's 21months between them, I think it's a good gap.

WankersHacksandThieves · 28/06/2016 16:11

I have 13 months between mine. Both were pretty good and were decent sleepers. We were older parents too. It's tiring but I think the rewards are worth doing it. Mine are almost 16 and 15 now. They get on really well and always have a friend on holiday:) the only disadvantage is that parenting young children goes by really fast. If you have a bigger gap it stretches stuff like santander out longer. I love my teenagers and am loving parenting them but I do miss my babies.