to not take this job?

[Oakmaiden]

Expected to be at work 8-5:30ish. Plus more work to be done at home (at least 8 hours a week I would estimate). One and a half hour commute each way. So out of the house from 6:30 until 7pm. Could be a bit less depending on traffic.

Husband already does a long commute. Generally leaves at 6am gets back around 5:15 (works 7-4).

3 children - 11 year old, 12 year old, 18 year old. (OK - oldest not strictly speaking a child but has ASD and is at school for at least another year. Needs a lot of support).

I just don't WANT to do it. I think it will just about kill me. Not to mention it won't be any good for the children.

Husband thinks I should do it. Because I need a job. Because we need the money.

Further probably important information. I already do a similar job "free lance" and closer to home. Pay will be the same - only difference is there are "quiet" weeks as freelance (maybe 6 or so a year) that I will be working for in this job (and thus paid for). And I can take days off as a freelance if the children have appointments/illnesses/school events, which I can't otherwise. Possibly worth mentioning that I really don't like doing this job as freelance. I want a proper job in a stable environment. Just not sure I want to travel so far to do it.

Also. I feel shit.

Yanbu - since you have work already (albeit less secure in theory) you can wait until a better permie option comes up.

Thing is, nothing will come up. I have been looking for 3 years so far. This one isn't even permanent - just a years contract, rather than day by day...

Do you have an offer or is it a job you are considering applying for? If it's an offer can you ask for some flexibility e.g. working from home one day a week. Of course if it's teaching which would fit your description that doesn't work.

Um - no, no flexibility. looks shifty

I have been working there for the past couple of weeks and have been "invited" to apply for a post which is coming up.

I was considering it, but I am finding the travel even after a short time to be so draining. But dh will be cross if I don't go for it.

I don't want to. I mean, I like the actual job, I like the - ahem - working environment. I just don't think I will cope.

I suffer from chronic depression too. Generally well controlled with meds. But I worry that if I push myself too hard then I will crash and burn...

I am feeling quite crashy already, actually. But then, that could be a cyclical argument and if I wasn't feeling so shit I might feel more positive about the whole thing...

How much childcare and housework is he prepared to do? Is he okay to take time off for appointments , child sickness etc? If your freelance pays the same but lets you fit family needs in what is there to gain.

The only real gain is the guarantee of x number of weeks work, rather than never knowing on day one of the week if there will be enough work for the whole week...

That said, it is unusual for me to not have at least 4 days a week work. Generally I am offered more than one job a day and have to turn some down.

I don't like being "freelance" though. Tis crap.

It would be a no from me.

No from me too

Can you afford to negotiate more vacation given that you'll have no off weeks? If I took a year's contract, and currently I'd have say, 10 low earning weeks, could you buy yourself 8 weeks of spaced time off agreed upfront so you know you can look forward to it? those are long hours, I can see why you might feel tired at the prospect and I have no depression, that's a lot of work

He already does most of the cooking. I do the washing. He does the bins, I tidy and clean the bathroom/kitchen floor (sometimes). I run the children around to their never ending activities.

The children vacuum.

We do share quite well. He does take time off already if I am working and the children need someone. But it is nice if I can make planned medical appointments etc (as he is a bit crap at stuff like that). His work are good about him working from home occasionally.

(I also work from home in another job - about 6/7 hours a week, but it doesn't pay much - more of a hobby for pin money I suppose at the moment. I have hopes though...)

YANBU

I wouldn't take it. If you are worried about what DH thinks just tell him you applied and didn't get it

Not sure. I would love to be at home more with my DCs of similar ages, but pretty much have exactly your proposed hours/commute. It's tough but I do it as I don't think DH should bear the breadwinning burden alone. And it pays for stuff.

That is the thing, isn't it Rask?

DH works similar. So why shouldn't I?

The flip side is, I think if he didn't have such a commute I would be happier about doing it. I think it is both of us being away for so long - particularly as we will both always be out between 6:30 am and the children leaving for school. I feel anxious about that.

And if I am not home dh won't take them to their activities, so they will have to stop most of them. Which would be a shame.

It sucks. I genuinely don't know what to do. I can see myself doing it and hating every minute of it. Just because I feel I should.

Don't do it. Life's too short.

The commute sounds very lengthy when combined with the long hours plus the expectation of additional work at home too. 12 hour days with another 2 on top once home? If all of that pays the same as your current freelance job but more secure? Doesn't sound very tempting to me but depends on how much you need the money?

No, not given you have a better deal already.

Nothing stopping dh looking for something nearer to home.

Presumably if you take things one the freelance stuff will fall by the wayside and where will you be in a years' time when this contract ends?

So your husband thinks you should take a job that only guarantees you an extra six weeks pay per year????

Have you weighed up travel costs? If the pay is the same but the freelance has less travel it may be that over the year your travel costs more than your gain during what would have been quiet weeks.

Would say that generally, don't do it, life's too short to be miserable, but then again, we have the theory here that take the job, do the job and if it's horrid, quit the job. There are always good enough excuses to leave - including something better coming along.

I wouldn't. It doesn't sound great for anyone. If you really need more certainty and money and you've been looking for three years I'd be considering applying for jobs in a different industry.

The job would be fine without the commute. But that's the deal breaker for me

Have you costed out what the commute will cost you? It won't be the equivalent to 6 weeks without freelance work but I would guess it will be half of it. So net/net, it won't be as good as it looks on paper

No way. How much will the commute cost? ie what's your net gain?

I get that people do commutes like this because the have to, or even want to. But you don't even need to. Don't - you'll be knackered and resentful.

Her net gain is 6 weeks extra pay - hardly worth all the sacrifices??

Surely no decent husband would ask his wife to make the sacrifices for a couple of grand???

If so then you have big problems