to not take this job?

[Oakmaiden]

Expected to be at work 8-5:30ish. Plus more work to be done at home (at least 8 hours a week I would estimate). One and a half hour commute each way. So out of the house from 6:30 until 7pm. Could be a bit less depending on traffic.

Husband already does a long commute. Generally leaves at 6am gets back around 5:15 (works 7-4).

3 children - 11 year old, 12 year old, 18 year old. (OK - oldest not strictly speaking a child but has ASD and is at school for at least another year. Needs a lot of support).

I just don't WANT to do it. I think it will just about kill me. Not to mention it won't be any good for the children.

Husband thinks I should do it. Because I need a job. Because we need the money.

Further probably important information. I already do a similar job "free lance" and closer to home. Pay will be the same - only difference is there are "quiet" weeks as freelance (maybe 6 or so a year) that I will be working for in this job (and thus paid for). And I can take days off as a freelance if the children have appointments/illnesses/school events, which I can't otherwise. Possibly worth mentioning that I really don't like doing this job as freelance. I want a proper job in a stable environment. Just not sure I want to travel so far to do it.

Also. I feel shit.

Not a chance.

Hubby had a job with a 1.5hour commute either way and that was when the trains were behaving. He packed it in and I've upped my hours (I'm freelance) and taken on more clients to counter it. We're just about breaking even but the lack of tiredness and stress in the house makes it all worth it. It's great for him to be with our girls. I was all for him leaving. Money can be worked out but me talk health and time with children need to come first.

Do what makes you happier. Your DH would be a fool not to support you since it would mean the kids giving up their activities since he won't take them (lazy?).

And as others said, your gain of 6 weeks pay isn't that much when you take commute and lunch costs into account if finances are what he's really worried about. I considered giving up freelancing foremployment once but it was sold clear that my slow weeks freelance still made us better off since there were fewer outgoings. Plus some of the house costs for business use come off my profit.

Don't do it.
You sound exhausted from just doing the job for a few weeks. An extra 6 weeks wages does not make up for the long commute and the loss of flexibility to be there if the DC need one of you.

I don't see that it's better. The long commute you already know is draining. The cost will negate a lot of the extra money you would get. The kids will miss out on extra curricular. The kids may also feel lost and unsupported if you are no longer there. You will rarely see them in the week. Your depression may easily kick back in leaving you unable to work at all. In a year you may be totally unemployed and struggle to get back into freelance. Resentment could easily build fast and cause issues in your marriage.

I can't see how all this is worth a couple of hundred quid a month?

No
I wouldn't

I wouldn't under the conditions you've described. The costs outweigh the benefits, and I definitely think you'll end up being out of pocket and incredibly stressed about it, too.

DH works similar so why shouldn't I?
Good argument from your DH but ask him this: If one of DCs is ill, who takes day off work? School hols, who takes time off work or pays out for alternative childcare? Doctors/dentists appointments, who takes them?
When he comes up with feasible answers that don't require you doing it all, then fair enough, but I suspect he will expect you to work same hours as him AND do all the parenting.

I am glad most of you say don't. Because I really don't want to - for the reasons most of you have said - but I feel very guilty.

The thing is... there is always the hope a 12 month contract will turn into something permanent. And that would be a significant uplift in pay, and we would probably move meaning a shorter commute for both of us (but a change of schools for the children). But I have been here before - ~I have had long term contracts before - and whilst I always get on well in them (and still do occasional work for them) they have never been in a position to extend.

What I really want to do is change altogether and turn my "pin money" hobby into a real business - but that has far too much financial uncertainty for dh to be happy with.

...what's the job? You're making it sound like escorting or something??

Not really. I can't think why you would think that, Babooshka.

I didn't say, because it doesn't really matter what it was. Even if it was escorting, the issues would be the same. It isn't though.

In fact, an earlier poster guessed what it was, but because I wanted opinions reasonably unburdened by assumptions about workload/hours/holidays etc (which by the way I don't get paid for currently and won't when/if I am on a contract either) I thought I would be more generic.

Don't do it, it's not worth your mental health. I also don't think permanent roles exist anymore, so it's unlikely to lead to that tbh. Use the six weeks downtime in your current job to concentrate on building your hobby business. What is your husband's motivation for pushing you?

Bythesea - he hates the financial uncertainty.

In fairness, I hate the lifestyle uncertainty of my current setup... I wake up in the morning not knowing if I am going to be working or where. I often am in a different workplace every day of the week. I would jump at a post like this if it were 30-45 minutes travel. He knows I don't like the uncertainty.

I increasingly want out altogether. Because, as you say, the posts I want just don't exist where I am. And we can't easily move. I love the job. I am passionate about it. And I have worked so bloody hard. But I am so tired of the uncertainty.

DH and I shared a commute that was 60-90 minutes depending on trains and traffic and I only lasted a year. Granted my children were much younger, but it was just really hard when something went wrong and I was an hour and a half away. :( If you have other options, don't discount them.

It's teaching? Oh hell no, not with that commute.

You get used to commuting eventually, and it gets less exhausting. But don't do it. I'm in a job I hate and it's sole destroying. Try not to feel guilty, your mental health is worth more than this.

boris my husband found the opposite. He didn't mind the commute at first but it started to drain and he hated it by the end. He never ever got used to it.