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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be embarrassed to go shopping with boyfriend

64 replies

TooFatTooShop · 12/06/2016 11:12

I'm slightly fat (just edged into 'overweight on NHS BMI chart). My boyfriend is convinced he wants to take me dress shopping because I love dresses. A nice gesture I know, but the thought of trying on dresses with him around makes me feel sick to my stomach. I'm not obese by any stretch of the imagination but I know his exes were stick thin (like, size 6).

How on earth do I tell him I don't want to go dress shopping with him, without sounding like a bitch?

How do I word this without him digging deeper?

He found a lovely dress that would really suit me and it's really nice BUT the discomfort involved in trying it on in the shop with him around outweighs the pleasure I'd get from the lovely dress.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 12/06/2016 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkheart5915 · 12/06/2016 11:16

Why not just be honest? Tell him why you don't want to go

Your worried about trying the dress on with him around, surely he won't be in the changing room? If he is coming in the changing room I'm guessing he might of seen you naked already?

Who cares if his ex was a size 6, his with you now.

Original poster

TooFatTooShop · 12/06/2016 11:18

Seems so obvious doesn't it? But he just harps on about how I'd suit this dress- it is a nice dress and the kind I would wear so I understand his persistence, but this is making me very uncomfortable. He looks at me like I'm crazy. (Total 1st world problem, I know!)

OP posts:

SheHasAWildHeart · 12/06/2016 11:19

If he's your boyfriend no offence but he can see whether you are a small or larger dress size anyway with his eyes.

Original poster

TooFatTooShop · 12/06/2016 11:20

Pink I'm embarrassed about getting the size off the rail, in view of him. I'm ashamed of my size and trying to fix it.

OP posts:

SheHasAWildHeart · 12/06/2016 11:20

He sounds like a lovdly, thoughtful boyfriend so just tell him. Maybe as a compromise buy the dress in two sizes, bring them home to try and then return to store as necessary?

EveryoneElsie · 12/06/2016 11:21

He can see how fat or thin you are. Its you that has a problem with your weight, not him.

MeMySonAndl · 12/06/2016 11:23

Just tell him that you like it to be a surprise for him and him coming with you to the shops ruins the surprise.

Now, if he is going on intention of vetting the dress he can go and stuff himself...

NicknameUsed · 12/06/2016 11:24

He probably already knows what size you are anyway. He sounds lovely BTW.

MeMySonAndl · 12/06/2016 11:25

BTW, it is ok not to like your man joining clothes shopping with you, the vast majority of women would prefer them out of the way

MeMySonAndl · 12/06/2016 11:28

Ps. My BF is always pointing out dresses to me, they are mostly not very classy and definitively the wrong shape or colour for me.

Sometime I think he assumes that wearing x kind of dress will automatically give you x body type. Doesn't work like that.

Hence why I leave him out of the experience

MorrisZapp · 12/06/2016 11:29

Nobody wants their partner going on a shopping trip with them, that's normal.

But it is a bit mad to think your bf might suddenly see your figure because you're wearing a different dress. He won't care what the number in the back is, it won't register. And if it does register, he's presumably already seen it in the clothes you young folks throw passionately to the ground when having spontaneous sex.

jay55 · 12/06/2016 11:30

Could you do an advance trip, go and try on some things and work out what you're comfortable in and then take him.

But really don't be embarrassed by the number on the hanger, he clearly likes you.

Original poster

TooFatTooShop · 12/06/2016 11:30

Thanks guys. Thought IWBU. Will stick to my guns.

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 12/06/2016 11:33

Why is he so obsessed with this dress and 'taking you dress shopping' ?

GinnyMcginface · 12/06/2016 11:42

I don't think it's about you being unreasonable, it's about you being confident or not. If you don't want him to shop with you because he would be in the way or whatever (I can think of nothing worse than shopping with my husband) then fair enough, but you are embarrassed about something he clearly doesn't give a monkeys about. Presumably he has seen you with his eyes, and touched you with his hands? So he knows how 'big' you are (and if you're only just overweight I'd hazard a guess at a size 14 which is hardly huge). Relationships are about having that one person you can be entirely honest with and who will make you feel loved and confident. Tell him how you feel and let him respond to it. He sounds like he just wants to do something nice for you, he just needs training ha ha

Fairenuff · 12/06/2016 11:42

Tell him you prefer to shop on your own. If he accepts that without trying to change your mind then he's probably ok. If not, it's dipping into controlling territory so be careful.

If you really feel like you want to give a reason just tell him that you feel self conscious and uncomfortable when trying on clothes so no matter what he feels about it, you'd rather shop alone.

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 12/06/2016 11:43

I'm sure that seeing you pick up a certain dress size will not make him suddenly repulsed. But I understand that you know this and are still uncomfortable with it.

Tell him you want to try it on by yourself and if you like it, you'll come home and model it for him when he can show his appreciation in private

DontDead0penlnside · 12/06/2016 11:44

I understand. I am hugely overweight by several stone. To my complete and ongoing surprise I managed to get myself a (slim) boyfriend who loves me and my massive gut.

But I still die with shame when he hangs up a work shirt on an Evans hanger - I thought I had removed them all from the wardrobe. I have even been known to swap the hangers with a less 'offensive' one when he isn't looking.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 12/06/2016 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EveryoneElsie · 12/06/2016 11:46

This thread is so sad. He sees you with your clothes off every day and loves the way you look. Its you that has a problem with it.

If he wanted a stick thin GF he'd have one.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 12/06/2016 11:48

I suspect he's trying to be supportive and kind, but if you don't want to go shopping with him, then don't. That's all there is to it. You have no obligation to go shopping with him, just because he thinks you'd look nice in a certain dress.

EastMidsMummy · 12/06/2016 11:51

What size do you think he thinks you are?

dowhatnow · 12/06/2016 11:53

He wouldn't be with you if he didn't like the size that you are. You know that this is your issue, not his and perhaps you should work on that - maybe when you have been in the relationship for a bit longer and are more confident in him.

What you do need to look at though, is his reaction to your refusal. A bit of disappointment because he wanted to do a nice thing for you - fine. Going on and on about it and a seeming need to see you in the types of clothes he wants you to wear would be a definite red flag for a controlling partner.

BreakerofChains · 12/06/2016 11:53

I'm guessing that he's seen you naked in which case why would him seeing what size clothes you wear change anything?

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