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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask what security you use/have?

44 replies

SemiNormal · 04/06/2016 23:21

Single mum to a 5yr old. My sons father is violent and a little bit crazy.

Tonight someone starts knocking my door at 11pm, quietly at first. I feel a bit uneasy, no one EVER knocks my door at this time of night. I look through my spy hole and it's pitch black, go to the window and can't see anything but then the knocking turns into hammering loudly on the door! I arm myself (rather not say with what but household object) and ask who it is and a womans voice replies but already I'm thinking she might not be alone. I ease the door open slightly and it's some pissed up young woman asking for Neil, I told her 'I don't know any Neil and you've just woke up my 5yr old son so well fucking done you' ... she mutters an apology and stumbles off.

Anyway, to my point, what kind of security, if any, do you all have? Single mums do you feel like you need extra security? I've always felt mine adequate but when she started hammering loudly tonight I have to admit I started shaking thinking it could be my ex! I have a standard lock and security light (that obviously I'd switched off somehow) but I'm now questioning if I need something more?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2016 23:26

I get that you were annoyed/frightened but to be honest, all the security measures in the world are a bit pointless if you're going to antagonise a drunk person at your door, at 11 o' clock at night.

There really was no need for the, so well fucking done you.

That's the sort of comment that could have turned the whole situation into a very nasty one.

Diamogs · 04/06/2016 23:28

Normal UPVC doors and outside light front and back.

Original poster

SemiNormal · 04/06/2016 23:29

WorraLiberty Every need for it! If she had just carried on knocking quietly it'd have been fine but hammering on the door, trying to door handle .... sorry but that was mild compared to what I'd have liked to have said!

OP posts:

Couchpotato3 · 04/06/2016 23:29

Why on earth did you answer the door? That conversation could have happened through a closed door. No way would I be opening the door at that time of night, or indeed to anyone who was hammering on it without explanation, and certainly not if there was possibly an unhinged ex out there.
Do you have a house alarm? We used to have one that had a panic button incorporated into it - you pressed two digits together and it called the police silently. Automatic callout to the house. Maybe worth looking in to?

BieneBiene · 04/06/2016 23:31

I don't have any except a tiny dog that sounds like a big dog. Thinking about it I am far less jumpy at noises in the night since we got him because I know he will alert me to anyone coming close to the house.

You must be really shaken up. A few years ago a drunk person tried to unlock the door and then knocked at 3am. It scared the crap out of me!

I didn't answer the door and wouldn't at night to someone I don't know. If someone came and needed help then I would call help for them but I don't need to open the door to do that.

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2016 23:32

No there wasn't every need for it.

You were the only adult in the house, and you have a five year old child.

Antagonising a drunk at your door, wasn't the wisest move at all.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 04/06/2016 23:32

Well that person would of got a few more words than fuckoff of from me. I can look out my front window as it oversees front door.

In fact the chugger that knocked well fucking hammered on my door just before 9pm got an ear full.

It was winter time and my DS was asleep and I'm lone parent, shit fucking life out of me

WorraLiberty · 04/06/2016 23:33

But to answer your question, I have a security light, a chain on the door and a five bar lock.

I also have a dog and whilst he's as soppy as shit, he is incredibly loud so that tends to put strangers off.

Original poster

SemiNormal · 04/06/2016 23:34

Couchpotato3 I couldn't hear properly through the door, only that it was a female and her name when I asked for it. She has the same name as my neighbours mother. Neighbours can get a bit lairy and they'd had a BBQ tonight and been drinking so to be honest I thought it was possibly neighbours mum asking me to look after their kid as something had happened. Does the alarm cost anything (like ongoing monthly costs)? My exes mum has one (due to my ex) but she has to pay a monthly fee?

OP posts:

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 04/06/2016 23:35

I just shut my front door sometimes put chain on have few occasions not shut it properly and not noticed until morning. In a certain place I lived before I basically barricaded myself in and slept with my phone and baseball bat by bed

Original poster

SemiNormal · 04/06/2016 23:38

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes I've had that before too!! People who call past 7pm without good reason are wankers in my opinion.

OP posts:

ConcreteUnderpants · 04/06/2016 23:38

I agree with Worra. I would have surreptitiously peeked out of my bathroom window and ignored. No way would I have answered the door.

I am a single parent and just have UPVC French doors and windows. Did have a garden light sensor but the foxes/cats/wind kept setting it off and scaring me, so I've turned that off.

I do have a big fuck off German Shepherd that barks at the door. Makes me feel a lot safer (even though she is as thick as anything and soft as shit). I mean what kind of dog just lies there and allows herself to be poked and prodded and her 4 paws to be bandaged by a 5 year old 'vet'?!

ConcreteUnderpants · 04/06/2016 23:40

I also don't answer the door after 8.
No one I know would do that, so it's just usually charity collectors etc.

nancy75 · 04/06/2016 23:41

We have a door camera with screen indoors, an alarm with panic buttons and lights front & back, bolts and chain on front door. I have got sod all worth stealing bit my parents were victims of a very violent robbery and they had it installed in their house and mine

Original poster

SemiNormal · 04/06/2016 23:41

ConcreteUnderpants I bet if it came to it though she would jump to your rescue, I love German Shepherds.... maybe that's my solution! (If only I wasn't out most of the day)

OP posts:

Original poster

SemiNormal · 04/06/2016 23:44

nancy75 sorry to hear about your parents, my worst nightmare is someone coming into my home. I don't let many people in, it's my 'safe place', or at least it should be, breaking into someones home is such a huge violation - I bet everything feels tainted afterwards.

OP posts:

exWifebeginsat40 · 04/06/2016 23:49

I have a double lock and a baseball bat. I'm in a flat in a terrible area and occasionally fuckwits test my patience.

(i am a complete nancy and would never actually hurt anyone but that's on a need to know basis).

nancy75 · 04/06/2016 23:50

Thank you Semi, it was a couple of years ago and they have now moved house because they couldn't relax there any more.
However the important thing to remember is that robberies when the people are in the house are pretty unusual - most burglaries are done by little shits that just want to get in & out as quickly as possible without being seen.

Original poster

SemiNormal · 04/06/2016 23:54

Thankfully I live in a very low crime area so don't worry so much about burglaries too much, only the ex I worry about but he's moved miles away and doubt he'll come back. I guess tonight just made me feel very vulnerable (and bloody angry too)!

OP posts:

beetroot2 · 04/06/2016 23:57

I get why it would have frightened you but after finding out it was a young woman who was a bit worse for ware I would have asked if she was ok etc.

As for security, Ive been burgled twice, the police put me in touch with a dept that deals with this. He came and looked round etc. I now have window locks, a chubb second lock on my front door and two chubb top and bottom on my back door.

CakeNinja · 05/06/2016 00:03

Nancy, how awful
Sil was burgled, nephew arrived home from school and they escaped out of the kitchen window (which was how they got in) with some cash, jewellery and electronics. We were all horrified and really upset for them but it could have been so much worse. The most horrible thing were their footprints left behind on their beds a constant reminder that 'strangers' had invaded.
They still live there and I'm pleased they've moved on, I'm not sure I could.

In answer to the op, no additional security other than a locking front door (no extra bolts etc) and locking kitchen and side doors. I'm sure someone could break in fairly easily, we don't have alarms or anything like that. We don't even always lock our front door (normal handle, can open from outside) as we are forgetful.
We live on a main road, dp is often out but I do feel safe. I don't have any crazy people in my life but if I were you, I wouldn't have opened the door, if it were a crazy person, that could have antagonised the situation quite quickly!

Original poster

SemiNormal · 05/06/2016 00:10

I'm definitely thinking I should NOT have answered the door now to be honest. I think I just wanted the banging on the door and the door handle going to stop, you know how the unknown is terrifying? I'm thinking next time I'll call the police (hopefully there won't be a next time)! Definitely looking into more security too because I'm thinking if the knocking didn't stop and I didn't answer then would they have started kicking the door? I'm assuming this girl was looking for her boyfriend or something - maybe thinks he's cheating and that's why she was hammering? she could well have started kicking the door .... then my son would have been distressed especially if he heard me on the phone to the police!

OP posts:

nancy75 · 05/06/2016 00:14

Have you got a chain on the door? We have got this weird thing that is like a chain but stronger (it's kind of a hinged bolt thing) I will google it because I can't explain it!

nancy75 · 05/06/2016 00:17

it's like this www.gjohns.co.uk/front-door-guard-hotel-room-guard-satin-chrome.html but bigger! you can open the door a little bit but it seems sturdier than a chain

beetroot2 · 05/06/2016 00:19

You sound petrified OP.

It was a young girl looking for some bloke and got the wrong house. That's what happened.

I also had a stalker and had to move home etc. so I know how the mind can wander and the night-time is full of demons.

Call the police and ask for the service I had, they're great and will tell you what's needed to make you feel a bit more secure.

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