AIBU to ask what security you use/have?

[SemiNormal]

Single mum to a 5yr old. My sons father is violent and a little bit crazy.

Tonight someone starts knocking my door at 11pm, quietly at first. I feel a bit uneasy, no one EVER knocks my door at this time of night. I look through my spy hole and it's pitch black, go to the window and can't see anything but then the knocking turns into hammering loudly on the door! I arm myself (rather not say with what but household object) and ask who it is and a womans voice replies but already I'm thinking she might not be alone. I ease the door open slightly and it's some pissed up young woman asking for Neil, I told her 'I don't know any Neil and you've just woke up my 5yr old son so well fucking done you' ... she mutters an apology and stumbles off.

Anyway, to my point, what kind of security, if any, do you all have? Single mums do you feel like you need extra security? I've always felt mine adequate but when she started hammering loudly tonight I have to admit I started shaking thinking it could be my ex! I have a standard lock and security light (that obviously I'd switched off somehow) but I'm now questioning if I need something more?

she could well have started kicking the door....then my son would have been distressed especially if he heard me on the phone to the police!

Yeah that's kind of what I meant earlier when I said you shouldn't have said what you did.

I know hindsight is a wonderful thing, but drunks are unpredictable and you might have antagonised her.

But at least it turned out OK and she eventually buggered off.

I have a chain, and a maglite within reach the door, in case the Jehovas turn out to be devil worshippers.

Used to have a Shepherd, but she's gone to the Great Kennel. Always felt safe with her in the house.

Thanks for the link Nancy - that does look better than a chain, I always feel chains look flimsy ... sadly don't think that could be fitted to my door, the layout of my door is weird somehow.

beetroot2 Thank you, to be honest I was terrified and even at the moment I'm going between angry and scared every minute. Angry at my ex for making me terrified that he might one day come and kick my door in to hurt me or my son, angry at the drunk woman for hammering so loudly, scared because of all the memories one stupid incident has brought up, scared because if it was my ex I know that it's probably unlikely I'd be able to be sat here typing this right now..... I'm guessing I won't sleep much tonight.

The police offered me the service before but didn't say when they'd call 'round, when they did turn up my ex was in the house (stupid me I know - he wanted to see our son and I always felt torn between him not seeing him and denying our son his right to a father .....) anyway I turned them away quickly and said I didn't need their help any more as I didn't want to anger the ex. I felt too ashamed to ever ask for help again then.

I think maybe I'm over reacting? if my ex was going to go after anyone it would be his more recent ex I think - he was far more violent to her (and they have a child together too) .... it's just that he's unpredictable and obsessed with guns (his psychiatrist had to report this to the police as she found it worrying, he showed no emotion about anything in session until he spoke of guns when he apparently became 'animated'). See... I'm doing it again, letting my head run away with me and now I'm angry at me because I was convinced I was so over this crap and it's taken one incident to make me feel at square one again

We have a dog who barks at the door, and sounds deceptively scary. We have double locks on the doors. I have a Glock in a small safe in my nightstand.

I have a loud dog and pepper spray.

Double locks,chain, camera, alarms, weapon. DH works in security. And I grew up in a dodgy area. Get a bolt and just don't answer if you don't know who it is. They keep banging just yell 'I'm calling the Police NOW'.

OP could you look out of a window to see near to the front door?

As in, could you open an upstairs window to talk to somebody at the front door meaning you would know who or what they wanted while still keeping yourself and your DS safe?

Sounds a horrible experience for you

Oh op, how awful for you. I never had a violent ex but it took me years to get over the stalker situation, I moved but had bars on every window etc. It took over my life for a very long time. Please call your local police station and tell them what you are going through, they are great.

Beetroot2 as sad as this sounds a woman living alone with a 5 year old shouldn't really open the door to any drunk woman at night.

Has anyone seen the footage of the burglary that happened when someone opened the door to a young woman? Two men appeared and assaulted the home owner while the young woman stood there then she just walked away as she was in on the burglary.
Opening the door at that time isn't a good idea.

Rt if she's not expecting any visitors she has no reason to speak to anyone through open windows. She needs to put hers and her son's safety first. If I was in that situation I wouldn't give a shit what the person wanted.

I would though 2nds as I'd be concerned about her, always been that way, I go to a woman in distress. Most people are genuine. We all hear stories about things. I also get the OP too.

2nds sorry didn't explain what I meant

I meant if she or anybody couldn't hear thru a door then another option might be to use an upstairs open window to lean out of to try to see who it is and find out why they are banging in the door but still keeping a safe distance away and not putting themselves in a maybe difficult position of opening a door

But an outside light and spy hole is great plan to help to find out who is there but doesn't help to hear them obviously

Horrible experience for anybody though

We have a dog that sounds like a very angry Rottweiler as our security

You were frightened, your outburst probably came from both anger and relief. I would have let rip too. Sometimes bring confrontational can shock people. I lived in London I had a chain like the one nancy linked. I was burgled twice and had next door turned into a crackhouse for two months. It was horrible, I would regularly get dodgy knocks on the door and went from being intimidated to being pissed off and blunt.

Now I'm in Brazil but rural so not bonkers security like cities, we have two big dogs who would actually lick anyone to death and a shotgun. While our town is pretty safe, we are stuck out on a remote farm at weekends and farms sometimes get robbed. Our house is safer as it's in town where cars and houses are unlocked during the day, but people are cautious at night and afraid of people with "big city ways" so although no one has even been mugged in our town we still lock the gate and have an alarm.

Depends entirely on front doors policy.

Do not ever feel silly about calling the police you csn call your safer neighbourhood team, if you have one. They'll come and offer security suggestions. Have you considered taking a self defence/martial arts class. It can help you feel empowered and learn some tips about protecting yourself.

Thanks everyone, going to contact the police next week and ask them if they can help me get the place more secure.

I also posted on Facebook last night about it and my next door neighbour said she called around hers too and that she'd given her a mouthful. I know she was drunk and not thinking straight but before I lived here it was an elderly lady living alone, I'm actually a little thankful it was my door she knocked on now and not an elderly persons who perhaps would have been terrified than I was.

I've also discovered who the person was now (I had her first name and did some detective work/small area I live in), she's absolutely tiny, like a size 6 and about 7 stone (I looked on her Facebook( so feel a bit daft this morning for getting so scared

I think you do need to speak to the police about security measures and also not hesitate to dial 999 if you think your ex is outside. A horrendous experience for you.

We have secured 9 foot gates at each side of the house. Electric gates on the drive, security lighting and an alarm. Doors have five bar keys and three bar keys. All windows have locks. The main door has a chain and the inner porch door has a lock and inside bolts.

I think you do need to think of a way of identifying who is at your door whether it is via an upstairs window or through a spyhole. I am wondering how much an intercom phone would cost?

A Glock within reaching distance at all times except when I'm in the shower (if something happens during that then I'm screwed) an incredibly bright flashlight which will temporarily dazzle and overwhelm the eyes of anyone I shine it in the face of and several years of martial arts training. I can put up a good fight if needed.

Your in the UK so the first option isn't available but the second and third definitely are. Don't underestimate how useful a flashlight or "torch" can be. It can be enough to dazzle someone long enough for you to escape, or to overpower them. Also think about martial arts classes particularly the ones which focus more on real world situations which cover dealing with surprise attacks. Lastly, would your laws allow you to have pepper spray in the house? My ex girlfriends sister didn't like guns but she'd carry a canister of pepper spray with her as she works late shifts and often walks home by herself. I know you guys can't do that but do they let you have it on private property?

Yale lock and a Rottweiler :P I live in a close without secure entry, it's a lovely area so no problems and not felt the need to tighten security.

Rottweiler is a lazy soppy shit, although i'd like to think he'd step up to the plate if needed.