to find village gossips hilarious

[silversun]

So I've been off work for six weeks with labyrinthitis, back to work now and getting out in the village a bit more.
Talking to a few people in passing it seems that some people thought I'd had an accident and others had been told that I'm an alcoholic whose lost her license!!
As someone who drinks once in a blue moon aibu to find it hilarious that some people have nothing better to do than spread gossip?!

Any time my tomboy visits me with a number plate that is well out of the area, the rumour goes round that I am selling my house.

I never know where some of the stories start either. I once met a neighbour in the supermarket. She asked me how DH was. I said he was fine thank you. She looked bemused. It seemed that the word out in the village was that DH had had a heart attack. I replied that as far as I was aware he was fine when I left him at home 1/2 hr earlier. DH is tall, slim and goes to the gym - he would have been an unlikely heart attack candidate at the age of 40 and he didn't have any other illness either. Never did find out who it was that had actually had a heart attack.

I was apparently having a torrid affair with a fellow nurse( male) as he gave me a lift home sometimes irrelevant of the fact he was openly gay we were both a bit and when we found out .

It doesn't even need to be a village ... I'm on a modern development and was surprised when my new hairdresser told me the local policeman, previously based at the community centre, had been "moved on" after it was discovered he was shagging the centre manager

What she couldn't have known was that I was that manager; I had a lot of fun watching her face when I told her that

My friends mum was talk of the village when they first moved here she was having an affair with the bin man as he called in every day....the bin man was her husband

Omg, is it really like that living in a village?

I think I could lie dead on my floor for three weeks and be half-eaten by my own cats before any of my neighbours would notice that I wasn't around, much less have any wild theories about what I was up to.
Ok, slight exaggeration. They'd notice my grass wasn't cut and tut a bit.

It sounds like Cranford

Or St Mary Mead.

*my new hairdresser told me the local policeman, previously based at the community centre, had been "moved on" after it was discovered he was shagging the centre manager

What she couldn't have known was that I was that manager* and were you shagging said policeman ?

Thats funny pointless my mum and dad both worked at the gad board years. Ago in different departmens when they passed on the stairs sometims they would have a bit of a chat maybe swap keys for their joint car wtc but because not everyone knew they were married some people thought that john from distribution was having an affair with barbara ( not real names) from accounts and they were both married not realising they had both been married to each other for many years 😂

Gas board *

So blooming true! My small town is EXACTLY the same, some of the rumours I've heard about me or my family over the years are jaw droppingly hilarious! X

and were you shagging said policeman?

Oh yes, do tell!

Puzzled - were you shagging the policeman?

Oops, someone beat me to it!

My uncle once had an arm injury caused by a tractor. He didn't go to town for a month or so. When he went back to town he had someone say, "I heard that your arm was cut off" and another said, "I heard you were dead".

According to a year 2 girl at a school I used to work at, her teacher and I were seen kissing in the staffroom. Parents believed it and soon the playground gossip had us eloping.

He can't have been that good a kisser as I have no recollection of it.

Also, he's gay so I'm not really his type.

We live in a very big city but because we are involved in a religious community it can feel very small town.

When DDs were little my DH worked long hours during the week so I did all the school runs, party drop offs, play dates etc. Then at weekends we'd swop so I would work and he would do dance classes, school fetes, church services etc. Somehow the word got out that we were divorced with shared custody. When we walked into an adult social function all dressed up and holding hands heads turned so fast I thought necks would snap.

Later I used to do a regular church duty with the DH of a very close friend. As the friend and I look vaguely similar (tall white women with long wavy hair and big boobs), people who didn't know us well got very confused as to exactly who her DH was married to.

Years ago we lived in Devon, a small town on the north coast. Mum knew a lot of the mothers because there were three of us at different schools. My father died when I was 13 and we went to live in London with her parents so mum could get a job. When we went back to Devon a few years later for a holiday mum bumped into one of the mothers she'd known and been told that the news was she'd married again and gone to live in Bristol (mum never re-married and I don't think she'd ever visited the place). Where does this stuff come from?

When I first moved to the village I live in now, (DS1 was 4 weeks old) I drove a bright yellow fiat 500
Someone said to me "you'd better not have an affair with that car - you'd be found out straight away round here"

I was pregnant at 18 when I had a car seat in the back. Said seat was due to me babysitting!

Dh and me apparently ran our own business that went tits up. Err no we didn't /don't

Someone was telling me about my friend not realising that we were friends.

They said she had lost the plot, was a serious alcoholic, who had stumbled round the village and banged her head in the morning because she was so drunk. Oh yes and she is a lesbian because she threw her DH out, and was getting divorced.

I didn't take Dd to school for a few weeks. Dd mentioned to a mum that I had been in hospital. Next thing o know the school phones my mum (they had her number on emergency contacts) and asked her if I or the family needed some support getting through my cancer treatment.

Mum, has anxiety and convinced herself I was ill and hadn't told and called me crying.

I called the head teacher and asked what the hell was going on. I pointed out that I had been in hospital because I was pregnant and given birth. They knew I was pregnant, the nosey mother saw me two days before I gave birth and my bump was huge.

I was pretty by the whole thing. Village life is a hoot.

I once saw two friends bump into each other in a shop. One said "Oh! I haven't seen you in ages, have you been away on holiday?" and the other replied "No I moved to Sheffield for 8 years. I've just moved back." Hilarious.

My friend, divorced and mother of four, will be delighted to know that she, actually, has had four husbands and seven children, when I see her tomorrow.

Me, I've just sold on a lucrative gardening maintenance company I started 4-5years ago, but apparently I only did that work cos I lived in a flat and hadn't got a garden of my own (truth=I had a huge garden which supplied me with all my fresh veg.)
Oh, and because I'm a widow with money (see above), and love clothes, shoes, and even (shock horror!) sometimes have copper streaks put in my hair, I'm obviously,I kid you not, a Scarlet Woman, they'd decided You just couldn't make it up and, promise you, I haven't.