to find village gossips hilarious

[silversun]

So I've been off work for six weeks with labyrinthitis, back to work now and getting out in the village a bit more.
Talking to a few people in passing it seems that some people thought I'd had an accident and others had been told that I'm an alcoholic whose lost her license!!
As someone who drinks once in a blue moon aibu to find it hilarious that some people have nothing better to do than spread gossip?!

Pissed not kissed

My friend has IBD. Lots of rumours about her being pregnant when she has a swollen abdomen.

Our neighbours when I was at uni - in London so not a village - went to the head of course to tell them that we were running a house of ill repute. Apparently the whole street were talking about it.

We just happened to be the closest house of our friendship group to the uni bar and we had lots of friends who were male - they would always come to us when they couldn't be bothered walking home.

By the way Puzzled - I still want to know if you actually shagged the police man!

"What she couldn't have known was that I was that manager"

and were you shagging said policeman?

No I bloody well wasn't!!

Mind you, that same policeman made a faux pas of his own when the Playgroup mums worried about a man who sat by the building every morning, watching the kids from his car. He traced the reg, rang the guy's home number and asked his bemused wife if she knew why her husband was there so much

How was he supposed to know the man was meeting his extra-marital interest each morning?

When we first moved in 10 years ago we were the talk of the village. Apparently we were a family of travellers and I was running a brothel as according to the lady in the post office I had different men to the house every day to visit. She was a bit herself when I explained one was my ex come to pick up the dc, one was my dp who actually lived with us, one was the housing officer and one was a relative come to do some diy for us.

Last year the rumour went round that my ds aged 15 had got his 14 year old girlf pregnant because shed put a bit of weight on. My neighbours started that one.

You do have to laugh at village gossip.
If village gossip is to be beloved me and DH got together nearly 3 years before we did. Sometimes think the only reason we changed from friends to a couple because everyone thought we were one, so we thought we would just go along with it.
My work is the worst for gossip though. If it is to be believed me and my second in department are a lesbian couple. I got married 2 years ago?! Most people went to my wedding
The current one is I am pregnant, clearly the only reason someone would stop drinking!

Cities can be just as bad! A friend's husband broke his neck in a fall, and had lots of metalwork to keep his head completely still while it healed. A vague acquaintance stopped her to ask if it was true that her DH had brain cancer, and then wouldn't take no for an answer! "Are you sure?" "Yes, they scanned his brain when he injured himself, and the orthopaedic doctors put the halo on"."well I still think he has brain cancer, and so does everyone at the car wash!"

Well I was having an affair with my male (gay) work mate.

I'm now cheating on my lesbian partner with the new guy in the IT dept.

New guy is my DP of 20 years…

Other workmates heard all of this with glee (they all know DP well )though did find out the 'reason' I'm now a lesbian is because I refered to my partner.

Well what are you meant to call each other?? And since when did partner automatically mean same sex couple?

As we're now traveling in and out of work together I'm waiting to hear if I've dumped my lesbian lover or if we're in a threesome…

As soon as I know I'll let you know!

I've been on the receiving end of the lesbian relationship gossip in the past. Never figured out why - my supposed partner was just a good friend.

On the other hand, when I was actually in a lesbian relationship, people thought we were sisters.

Obviously I'm a really shit lesbian. Must try harder.

Sat in a cafe with my mum once, listening to 2 women talking about a house that had been sold to a famous person ( it was my parents house) apparently my mum had to sell it when my dad died and left her in lots of unexpected debt. When my dad turned up to meet us 5 minutes later we made a very big deal of how he had risen from the dead and I made sure to tell the women ( who none of us knew) that we had heard every word of their gossip, I have never seen 2 people look so uncomfortable

A friend of mine had her DH taken on to one side and told she was having an affair, because after he went to work this copper would pull up at the house and go in...

It was him in uniform

I run a dog grooming business, apparently. (I don't, I have no idea where this came from). I just have a dog.

Probably the same copper that puzzled says she wasn't shagging

We've just moved to a village, would love to know what they say about us (if anything)

Work gossip is the worst. My friend at my old work (who was fairly new at the time) had a hard time of it. She got a new boyfriend, Steve (not his real name) but because another bloke in the office was called Steve, everyone insisted she was making it up because she fancied office Steve and was trying to "recreate him" with a fake boyfriend

After a couple of months into the relationship with Real Steve she became pregnant. I knew, but she didn't really "announce" it, just told her manager for maternity leave. I didn't tell anyone as wasn't my news to tell, nor did her manager. Obviously she became bigger and it was obvious, and because she wasn't making a song and dance about it everyone thought she was giving the baby up for adoption. One of the blokes asked her if she was pregnant and keeping it. She jokingly said "I am pregnant but the baby's going on eBay". There were then rumours about the fact that potential adopters were in a "bidding war" for her baby

When she was on maternity leave, and people asked after her, colleagues would say she's on "long term sick". Shower of bastards they were, they knew exactly where she was, they just were pissed off their rumours were completely unfounded

Another one i remembered when i first qualified as a nurse i got a job on a ward approximately 10 months after qualifying a bloke i trainedwith slso worked on said ward but worked there from day1 he told everyone i was gay because my friend from ourtraining was gay and you cant be female and have a female gay friend apparently i confronted him whilst pointing out the two of us had actually had a fling in the early days of our training and he was a bitand i was a bit

I was once accused of having stripped for another girl's boyfriend while on a school residential trip. Utterly mortifying given that I was very innocent/naive so had a reputation for being a "good girl" & I really fancied the bloke, who was one of my best friends. Half the school seemed to know about this imaginary event. We'd not even been alone together the entire trip!

Another of my best friends, about the same time, had a boyfriend & the three of us hung out together quite a lot. I wasn't overly keen on him but made an effort to be nice for her sake. I was taken aside by the leaders of a youth group we all attended & told to end our affair before my friend got hurt. I'd have walked through fire for said friend & I still find it completely mind-boggling that not only did they think something was going on but it was me they spoke to about it, as if I were luring him away from her with my siren song... Thankfully my friend was equally baffled when I checked she wasn't concerned.

I got out of that village as soon as I could - everyone seemed to always know exactly what everyone else had been up to, regardless of whether it was true or not. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be closer to my family but the thought of living in that environment again gives me anxiety attacks!

Not in a village, but the deep suburbs of Oz. A couple, Mr and Mrs L kept very odd hours. Neighbour Mrs F reliably informed everyone that this is because they kept brothels. My family heard this via Mrs P.

What they didn't know is that my father employed Mr and Mrs L's adult daughter and knew them quite well. They actually owned and ran a pub, and that was the reason they often got home from work in the early hours of the morning and worked weekends.

Despite this, Mrs P and Miss P (my friend) could not be convinced that Mrs F's story was not true. I think people like to believe the more salacious stories, even in the face of the truth.

When I moved here as a result of leaving my expigofahusband. I wore sunglasses because hay fever affects my eyes. They burn and water.

Daft, fat, ugly, ignoramus started spreading rumours. Because I wore sunglasses

I have had the last laugh. The recipient of the gossipmonger has drug addiccted children and her gossipmongering friend's daughter is a...

Karma works in many ways.

DH is tall, slim and goes to the gym - he would have been an unlikely heart attack candidate at the age of 40

I hate to break it to you, but at 40 he's as likely to have a heart attack as the next person. Being slim and going to the gym means very little and being tall means sod all.

Not in a village, but in expatville in a large but insular industry.

Me, the two company owners, and a guy from the Client went for a business lunch one day. Two owners were away from the table at the same time, so Client guy asks me very quietly if I'm doing ok after our split.

I was baffled. I then noticed I hadn't out my wedding rings on that morning (I take them off to sleep). He then told about the rumours I was having an affair with the much older lead designer and that DH had left the country and moved home because of it.

What actually happened was the project was coming to an end. I was closing out all the final accounts and DH had been transferred from that site to a new project. DH's new project was in a different city, 300km away, so he lived there during the week. It was my best friend's 50th birthday whilst he was away, so we went out one night. She fell asleep in the corner of the pub, and I ended up drunkenly dancing for hours with her husband, who is DHs Best mate. She happens to be married to the lead designer.

Apparently him leaving site and not seen seen around town, his car not outside our house any more, my stress levels, me dancing with our mate, then not wearing my wedding ring mean I was clearly going through a break up and was the cheat in the scenario because one of the guys from a different company had seen me and designer guy dancing.

My partner brought me from Cambodia/India.

Or I moved here from the UK for work, and just happen to not be white.

I was pregnant and had lots of complications so was admitted to hospital for the last trimester. My mother (who visited me every day) went to church one Sunday to be asked how I was doing. Apparently I had given birth months before (I must have been about 12 weeks pregnant) and rejected the baby because it was premature My mother insisted that baby was still very much in-utero and we were all looking forward to its arrival.

Parishioner insisted that her version of the events must be true as it came from the leader of the Scripture Union, who was not known as a gossip mongerer

I love the way the gossips insist their version is correct even when confronted by the person in question or close relative

When I met my now best mate at uni, she was a bit frosty towards me. Turns out that's because on previous occasions when I hadn't been able to go to events, she'd been told I was too busy shagging the chap she was seeing (in secret).

Based on literally nothing at all.