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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am, but still have The Rage.

33 replies

Figuringitout · 30/05/2016 07:34

I am so tired; but I am awake (and fuming - which I do realise is completely unreasonable).
Context: My four year old goes to school full time, August baby, and is completely exhausted. Every morning for school I have to wake her at about 7.30 and cajole her into having breakfast, putting on her uniform etc. I am a teacher and work full time, so I am very tired and was really looking forward to spending time with her this holiday and, I'll be honest, having a rest. I also have a 10 month old who still wakes through the night and is in our room.
For the last few weeks, each weekend - and now every day so far this holiday - she has woken between 5 and 6, come into our room (waking the baby up) and wanted to get up. She is then tired, whiny and generally miserable all day. The baby is also out of routine and grumpy and so our days together haven't been fun-filled!
I have tried changing bedtime (both earlier and later) and she is very active in the day so I have run out of ideas. I don't mind getting up at 7ish, but she really hasn't had enough sleep before then.
DH is great and is currently up with both of them, so I'm in bed but probably won't get back to sleep. I am also really horrible to be around, snappy, irritable and this morning I cried when she arrived at 5am and woke the baby.
I know I am BU to be angry, but AIBU to be at a loss for how to encourage her to sleep more?

OP posts:
Rebecca2014 · 30/05/2016 07:39

I have a 4 year old and they really do behave how you do. For example after my break up I became depressed and quite angry, my daughter was a nightmare during that time. Only when my mental health was better did my daughter behaviour improve.

Idea, why don't you let her sleep in your bed when she comes in? Cuddles with mummy and daddy will surely send her back to sleep. Or leave her with her toys or a program on the I pad? I done all this.

Fraggled · 30/05/2016 07:39

No yanbu OP. I'm a year down the line from you with an August born 5 year old and a 27 month old. My experience was that nothing I did helped with the sleep so we all just had to go with the flow. Accepting the tiredness and just going for the easy option wherever possible to avoid stress and meltdowns.

A year on and things are better. My five year old sleeps better and later in the mornings (nothing I did just a natural change) but the toddler is usually up around 5am. At least she can nap though.

Hang in there. It's horrible being so tired and knowing you could be so much more fun/patient/effective if they'd just let you SLEEP!!

Ditsy4 · 30/05/2016 07:49

Check the curtains! It is light at that time so perhaps a black out blind will work. Otherwise into bed with you and hope she drops off again.
Kids are annoying like that!

WellErrr · 30/05/2016 07:52

My 3 year old isn't allowed up before 6.30. If he wakes early he can sit in bed and look at a book or play with his 'bed toy' (usually a car or something).

Try that? At 4 she should understand.

deathtoheadlice · 30/05/2016 07:57

Get a gro clock and reward her for not getting up until the sun shows on it. And get boards for behind the curtains so the daylight doesn't flood the room at 5 am. Even with blackout blinds we need to do this. 4 is old enough to understand not waking the baby and to understand that we all need enough sleep. Also, I find if dd hears the natural consequence eg mummy is going to be too tired to play chasing games today she does get the message. She is just 5 now. It does get better...

Original poster
Figuringitout · 30/05/2016 08:03

Thank you for the suggestions.. and the support. We have blackouts and I know she understands, but it doesn't stop her. She invents reasons to come in, bad dream/hurting and I really don't want her to be afraid of needing us in the night. I would be happy to have her in our bed, if she slept. But she talks and then that winds me up.
The thing that really irritates me is that she does sleep - sometimes to 8 - on school days. She only does this at the weekends, and now - seemingly- holidays.
I know I sound horrible, I just feel so frustrated, tired and headachy and can't face a week of this.

OP posts:
abbsismyhero · 30/05/2016 08:06

stair gate? big no entry sign?

SouperSal · 30/05/2016 08:09

She's probably still adjusting to the new baby. Don't underestimate the impact that can have.

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 30/05/2016 08:14

How do they do this! All mine have been the same, why, why, why so early at the weekend! I completely understand op, I also used to get the rage and would feel like going in and waking them at five on a school day when I was up getting ready (I didn't do this though!) hang on in there, it passes xx

Ledkr · 30/05/2016 08:18

It's well talked about that they have to be dragged out for school but up at the crack of dawn at weekends. All mine have done it.
My reception dd is also doing it now.
I noticed it started when she realised what weekends are so they do know. Maybe it's excitement at knowing they don't have school, I dint know.
What o do know tho is you won't stop it so I leave her snacks and an I pad when I come to bed at night and that buys me a bit more time but not always much.
Just accept it and go to bed a bit earlier.
I see it as getting the most out of my days off.
I often stretch out on the sofa with a big mug of tea and watch a bit of catch up tv while she plays or watches I pad.
My 14 yr old sleeps till midday so st least you have that to come Grin

Happylandpirate · 30/05/2016 08:23

My 4 year old woke at 5 also this morning... I'm currently 5 months pregnant and on nights tonight so we're off back to bed now!!! DD went to bed late last night after a family bbq so I was convinced there would be a lie in today but nope. I really don't know what the answer is, my DD is an early riser and we've tried everything she still wakes at 5-5.30 every morning, I'm hoping when she starts school her routine changes!!!

SouperSal · 30/05/2016 08:25

Didn't for my friend's daughter, Pirate.

opheliaamongthelillies · 30/05/2016 08:26

Tell her she's got school in the morning... bit of reverse psychology?

CillaHughes · 30/05/2016 08:26

Have you tried one of those clocks that change colour when they're allowed up?

My ds is 4, and started the same thing, only he'd go to bed at 8pm, wake up about 9pm, adamant he was no longer tired and then stay awake, refusing to sleep up until 3am and then he'd be up at 7am for the day! It was exhausting! We moved all the beds into the biggest room, converted his room into a study and now he sleeps 8-8 most nights! Is maybe an idea?

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 30/05/2016 08:29

I feel your pain. Snorted with laughter at the thought that mummy and daddy snuggles should send them back to sleep 😄, and DS has now self-taught how to override the parental control on the groclock.

If she only does it at weekends, can you just bare face lie the night before and tell her she has school tomorrow? Sorry if you've already done that and let me know if you find a solution!

Nanny0gg · 30/05/2016 08:38

She needs to stay in her room and play quietly.

Can she have books/dolls/puzzles that she can do on her own? Then she doesn't come out till the gro-clock says she can?

Takes a little while of firmness and training - take her back every time she comes out - but she'll soon learn to entertain herself.

WellErrr · 30/05/2016 08:39

I would be happy to have her in our bed, if she slept. But she talks and then that winds me up.

So then the answer is 'you can stay here if you are quiet and go back to sleep. If you talk any more you will be going back to your own bed.'

Talking starts.

Send back to own bed.

It's a discipline issue like anything else. You wouldn't let her eat dinner sitting under the table, or refuse a bath, etc. I think allowing a toy or books to be quietly played with if they wake early is fair.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 30/05/2016 08:42

and by the time she learns it will be back to school time......

gingerboy1912 · 30/05/2016 08:54

I feel your pain. My kids are teens now but I remember the early mornings when it was spring and summer. Sorry to say I tried everything and it made no difference black out curtains, special alarm clocks, reward charts, a drink and snack to eat quietly if he went back to sleep without waking his brother, etc etc but it didn't help I just spent two or three summers feeling sick with tiredness. It will pass that's all I can say.

CadleCrap · 30/05/2016 09:01

Teach her to put the TV on and get herself some simple breakfast. This saved me when DS was that age.

Original poster
Figuringitout · 30/05/2016 09:14

Again, thanks... It's strangely comforting to know I am not alone in bone crushing tiredness. I do think I might just have to go to bed early and try to be thankful that she is excited to spend time at home with us (that's what she said this morning, she also cried and said she was very sorry for waking me up - but I'm 99% sure she'll do it tomorrow!)
She is allowed to play with her toys in her room and will do this for 15mins or so at a time... But I can't really expect her to play for two hours if she is up at five.
I understand the discipline issue, but trying to discipline a four year old, without waking the baby, is also not really possible.
Might try lying tonight! Wink

OP posts:
Bluebolt · 30/05/2016 09:17

The reasoning with her probably hits an emotional brick wall as the baby is in the room. I can see why a four year old would struggle with that. The jealousy may even be stopping her getting back to sleep. Hope it improves soon.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 30/05/2016 09:23

I was like this when I was older than your DD. We tried to play quietly, but still woke my Dad (so clearly we were actually pretty noisy 😁). I remember him saying 'Why is it on school morning you have to be woken & dragged out of bed but at the weekend you're up early?!' A little cross, but mostly perplexed. I remember thinking 'Duh! Staying at home with my family & playing! Of course I want to get up!' But sensibly I gave him a big hug instead 😁 It wasn't a conscious thing I did, I guess I woke at a regular time, but knowing I had school I turned over & went back to sleep - not so at the weekends.

She just wants to be with you knowing she has the whole day with you. Having the baby in your room isn't helping either, from her POV she's the only one not in there and wants to be.

I don't think there are any quick solutions that will help this half term, but I'd try to get it sorted before the summer holidays. If it were me I'd get the baby into its own room before the summer holidays, leaving it as close to their 1st birthday as possible. I'd wake DD at the same time everyday, get that little body clock set! Introduce telling the time (she's 4, I'd skip the grow clock) and reward heavily for staying in her room until the set time!

This half term...go to bed as early as you can and accept this is how it's going to be for the next few days, but be determined to have it sorted by the summer holidays - your own acceptance of the situation is the best thing you can do for yourself right now (IMO anyway)

💐☕️

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 30/05/2016 09:24

Cross posted with you 💐

Silvercatowner · 30/05/2016 09:29

I echo the 'put the baby in their own room' advice. I suspect your DD is very aware that baby is in your room.

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