Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 2 year old shouldn't be put in his cot for a 'Time out'

38 replies

Makeupbabes · 25/05/2016 19:44

I'm really annoyed with my DP, my 2 year old DS smacked him on the face before & my DP got really annoyed and took him straight into his room & put him in his cot and left. I ran in there straight away & took him out of the cot he was already crying and hadn't even been in there for 5 seconds. Aibu to think this is not the right thing to do, I want my DS to think of his room & cot as a calm & relaxing place to sleep, not a bloody cage for misbehaviour, I said to my DP you should of just left the room if you were annoyed not put him in his cot, I'm really annoyed with him now & not speaking to him!
Aibu or am I just a big softie?

OP posts:
OfficiallyUnofficial · 25/05/2016 19:45

Meh mine all got put in their cot for time out until big enough to climb out. They all sleep fine. Undermine DSs dad at this stage and you've got a long road ahead.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 25/05/2016 19:47

I sometimes send dc1 2.5 to her room or to her bed if she's been naughty. She's not there long

LifeIsChaos · 25/05/2016 19:48

Yanbu for reasons you said.

Bed is for sleep not punishment, a 2 year old won't understand the difference.

Perhaps a calm discussion on discipline is needed and you need to both agree. A time out mat with a sad face on could work well.

OptimisticSix · 25/05/2016 19:48

Sorry have to go with Big Softie, and I completely agree with OfficiallyUnofficial re undermining your DP. I do see the point about the cot but think you need to set up an alternative going forward.

EsmeraldaEllaBella · 25/05/2016 19:50

Silly if you ask me. Far better to walk away yourself and calm down. That kind of "punishment" doesn't teach children anything

naturalbaby · 25/05/2016 19:50

I totally see your point - when you were there to take over. I totally cannot deal with my dc's smacking me and literally have to walk away most of the time.

I did resort to putting my 2yr old in his bed when he was totally out of controll - he has a big temper on him and when all else failed I told him he was going to have a couple of minutes to scream there till he could cuddle me properly then we would talk about what the problem was.

AppleAndBlackberry · 25/05/2016 19:51

It's not ideal in terms of having good bedtime associations but it's not that bad. I don't think you should have undermined DP. We used the naughty corner at that age for a time out and they only stayed for 2 minutes, maybe you could just agree an alternative time out area.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/05/2016 19:52

YABU.

Perfectly reasonable. Your parenting style doesn't trump your DP's.

Talk about alternative punishments and try and get your DP on the same side.

VenusRising · 25/05/2016 19:53

Maybe they all need time out?

Are you all having cabin fever?

Picking up a little toddy and dumping him in his cot because you've had a slap on the face seems to me to be a bit vindictive? Does your dp lose his temper? Has he patience?

I found getting out with mine was essential every day hail or shine.

If everyone was getting uppity and lashing out we had four bath mats on the floor where we could jump up and down and shout. This was for everyone- adults included. It's a great scene changer and stress buster.

I agree cots are places of safety, and not for punishment. I'd try the top step next time, if you're doing a time out. And remember it takes two to have an argy bargy, so your dp needs a time out too to cool down.

He needs to grow up a bit and to work on his anger management if he did that to punish a wee toddler for slapping him....

Bring your ds out every day and get your dp to take him too and burn off that energy. Make good memories!

LouBlue1507 · 25/05/2016 19:54

I think YABU, you completely undermined your husband in front of your DS! If you don't agree you should have discussed it after his time out and come up with a more appropriate strategy together...

BTW at 2 years old children will be able to differentiate between being put a time out in the cot for time and being put in it to sleep.

purplefizz26 · 25/05/2016 19:56

Yanbu

Bed is for sleep. Using it for timeout isn't a good idea in my opinion as it could create problems at bedtime.

They could start worrying they are in trouble every time they go in, build up a fear of bedtime etc.

CremeEggThief · 25/05/2016 19:57

I agree with LouBlue. Even if you didn't agree with your DP's punishment, you shouldn't have interfered. YABU.

ChihuahuaChick · 25/05/2016 19:57

Sounds fine to me, TBH. I've done it a couple of times when DS1 has kicked off around DS2 as I can hardly leave a kicking smacking two year old with a one year old while I do dishes/make lunch. After a little bellowing he usually plays with whatever toys and books he's got stashed in there. :D

wheresthel1ght · 25/05/2016 20:00

I think you over reacted to be honest.

If you didn't like where he put him then you should have spoke to him separately and explained it, discussed it and agreed an alternative. Going in and undermining your dp in the way you have has just taught your ds that daddy has no power to discipline him. And yes at 2 he will remember and he will use it to his advantage.

My dd has been in a bed since 15 months because she could climb out of the cot, now at 2.7 she is given time out on the stairs and if she is still creating then she is sent to her bedroom.

There is nothing wrong with it imho but if you feel different that is fine, but you approached it completely wrong with your dp (sorry)

Onlyicanclean10 · 25/05/2016 20:05

No you arnt a big softie you are very silly to undermine your dh this way.

A 2 year old slapping a parents face isn't ideal and basically you are telling him by your actions that he was right and his dad was wrong.

Seriously after 4 kids my advice would be united front in the face of the kids over discipline and a quiet discussion after if you feel it could have been handled differently.

He put him In his cot not smacked him with a belt.

sixinabed · 25/05/2016 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shadow1986 · 25/05/2016 20:08

I think when you're thinking rationally it's not a good place to punish as you don't want them associating their cot as a bad place to be.

However If something's happened, and its made you mad, like they've hurt you, or they are throwing such a wobbly that you need a few minutes to calm down and breathe, then at least you know they were safe in their cot. I'm sure that's the reason he put him in there. Had you not jumped in, I'm sure your husband would have returned a few minutes later, calmer, to get him.

ImogenTubbs · 25/05/2016 20:11

YWBU to so obviously undermine your DH in that way - he didn't banish him to the coal cellar FGS, and your actions would just have been confusing to your DS. YWNBU to disagree with the punishment, however, but sounds like you and your DH need to discuss how you approach things like this so you can show a united front in future.

mumeeee · 25/05/2016 20:11

YABU as others had said for undermining your DP. Putting your DS in his cot might not be the best thing but it's not an awful thing to do.

BadDoGooder · 25/05/2016 20:15

YADBU for undermining the other parent, that way madness lies!!

And I put DS upstairs in the bedroom at that age when he did something out of order.
IMO 2 isn't too young to understand you don't smack people in the face. And he perfectly understood the difference between time out for hitting and going to bed.
It wasn't "vindictive" at all, just a sensible and non shouty way of reinforcing the idea you just don't do that to other people.

I am an incredibly liberal parent, but I will not tolerate violence of any sort.

TheUnsullied · 25/05/2016 20:15

While I agree with you that a cot is for sleep, YABU.

Your DP was disciplining your DC and you stepped in immediately and stopped it because the discipline made your DC cry. Your DP wasn't violent and there was nothing wrong with how he chose to deal with the situation, despite it not being how you'd have done it. You've now given your DC the framework that if he doesn't like daddy's discipline, he can cry and you'll stop it and comfort him.

You and your DP need to sit down and have a calm discussion about how you want to handle discipline.

captainproton · 25/05/2016 20:16

I thought time out wasn't technically punishment? As in its not the naughty step, it's somewhere they go to calm down from getting in a tizz and worked up. And 9 times out of 10 that's because they're tired. So I would do time out in their bed/cot anyway. I don't think 2 year olds are very naughty just testing boundaries.

Also I would resist the urge to correct your dh's parenting you need a united front otherwise it confuses children and when they get older they'll play you off one another to get what they want.

BadDoGooder · 25/05/2016 20:19

Should add though that it wasn't in his bed/cot, just in the bedroom for a couple of minutes, and it was always explained simply, firmly but nicely, why he was getting time out, when I would come back etc etc.

Worked for us!

mommybunny · 25/05/2016 20:26

When my DS was that age I was walking him from his nursery through a car park to the car, while holding 8 month-old DD and one of his hands. He kept trying to wriggle away from me and I told him "if you try one more time to get away from me you're going in your cot when we get home". Sure enough he tried it and I told him "that's it, you're going in your cot when we get home". He cried and kicked and screamed as I got him and DD in the car but as we were driving he calmed down and asked me if he could play with a new toy he'd gotten over the weekend "when" he was finished in his cot. I was pleased he had come to terms with his punishment and said "sure". When we got home I brought him to his cot with no fuss, and five minutes later I picked him up out of it, and he played with his toy and we said no more about the matter. But it was a very long time before (if he even did? can't remember ...) he tried getting away from me in a car park again, and he never once had the slightest trouble getting into his cot to sleep.

I think the worry about "associating" the cot with anything but peace and tranquility is frankly completely misplaced, and undermining your DP who was trying to discipline him for a behaviour that really needs to be stopped is far more harmful than keeping him in a cot for five minutes. Of course DS didn't stop crying - he hadn't been there long enough to calm down.

ChocolateHelps · 25/05/2016 20:27

Not to early for you and partner to read How to Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. Was a Mumsnet book of the year a few years ago.

I photocopied some of the cartoons in it and put it up in our bathroom so DH read them when he brushed his teeth as there's no way he'd read a parenting book!!