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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL (well MIL to be) AIBU?

35 replies

MrsUniverse · 21/05/2016 11:26

My MIL is a genuinely nice person and something collapsed in her house while she was away in Spain. My OH found out after 2 days that she'd been living with no water or heating and invited her to stay here. Now it's lucky he was home because he's supposed to be working away but the company have postponed that for a couple of months.

Still, I work from 3pm til 11pm every week day, I'm getting in and cooking for us three/buying extra to make sure the portions are big enough.

AIBU to feel stressed and that I can't relax properly? I'm genuinely struggling because I can't just veg out on the sofa with my computer at the end of work. I don't want to be mean and tell her to leave or anything but I'm not awful for finding it difficult, right?

OP posts:
AddToBasket · 21/05/2016 11:28

YANBU. when is the end date for this?

EatShitDerek · 21/05/2016 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EweAreHere · 21/05/2016 11:30

Why are you doing all the cooking?! You are collectively 3 grown ups ... surely the other two can do their share of the cooking and shopping.

cosmicglittergirl · 21/05/2016 11:31

Why are you doing the cooking?

Griphook · 21/05/2016 11:31

Can't you ask her to cook, buy food during the day?

Original poster
MrsUniverse · 21/05/2016 11:34

I cook because I genuinely hate his cooking and I guess I'm just used to it. I quote enjoy cooking but find my way of doing it awkward when we have guests. I like to seal myself in the kitchen and play videos/music. I could ask her to cook and she would without complaint but I have dietary restrictions that I like to be in control of.

OP posts:
GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 21/05/2016 11:35

It's hard to tell from the information you've given why you're so stressed. Is this long term? Is your Mil unable to look after herself or help out? And what's stopping you from relaxing on the sofa after 11pm??

TeaBelle · 21/05/2016 11:37

I think it would be a but mean to expect her to live without basic amenities just because you feel a bit uncomfortable. That sounds quite selfish to me

Original poster
MrsUniverse · 21/05/2016 11:39

I just don't feel like I can hang around in my bra and a pair of shorts watching anime and playing games when I get in. MIL can and will help out. When I ask him how long is this going to be going on he says a few days... and won't elaborate. But if there's no water I don't see how she can go home until it's fixed?

OP posts:
AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 21/05/2016 11:39

I like to seal myself in the kitchen and play videos/music

Then do that. What has she got to do with it? Just get on with your life while letting her stay in your house.
Why make a fuss about it?

Original poster
MrsUniverse · 21/05/2016 11:40

Yeah thanks Tea, at no point have I said I want her to leave, just that I'm finding it stressful having an unexpected guest.

OP posts:
Cocolepew · 21/05/2016 11:40

So MIL is waiting for you to come home and having her dinner at 11pm?
Why does she not makes hers at a normal time?

FeckinCrutches · 21/05/2016 11:43

Your husband and MIL are waiting till 11pm for you to get in and cook for them??

Florene · 21/05/2016 11:43

You are not unreasonable to want help with the cooking. You are unreasonable to have help available, decline it and still feel aggrieved.

Don't ask him how long it will be 'going on', ask him instead what stage the repairs are at, what still needs doing, is there anything you and MIL could do to assist at weekends? Asking how long it will be going on for just makes it clear you are unhappy with having your MIL stay indefinitely.

nobilityobliges · 21/05/2016 11:45

How can the water not be being fixed for months? That doesn't sound right. Still obviously it's not wrong to feel uncomfortable, but as she's nice and it's temporary, it seems like it'd probably be best to make the best of it. Why can't you watch anime and games after you get in in a tshirt?? Surely if this is after you've cooked then it's past midnight anyway, is MIL still up at that point? If the cooking is stressing you out then divide between you, your DH and MIL - I'm sure they can adhere to dietary requirements if they know about them and it won't kill you to eat less nice meals for a short time.

Florene · 21/05/2016 11:45

I appreciate it's no fun having a guest around if you feel like you can't relax and your home is not your own. But if you were the MIL in question, how would you feel if you knew your DIL felt like this about you staying in an emergency?

TrinityForce · 21/05/2016 11:47

Aww OP

Yeah YANBU to find it awkward. I also like to get home and play games/watch stuff other people don't 'get'. I wouldn't be able to do it with a guest there and would be a bit miffed if it was going to go on indefinitely.

Talk to DH and find out what they're doing to sort her house out. good luck

AlpacaLypse · 21/05/2016 11:48

Just for the duration of her stay, why not let OH and his mum cater for themselves, and you self cater when you get in? You've got the perfect excuse with your diet, and the very late hours,

Hopefully MIL will be in bed by the time you've finished in the kitchen and want to blob out with your anime!

RockMeMomma · 21/05/2016 11:51

I think you are being slightly unreasonable. She has no water or heating and she has to get her house repaired after coming back from holidays. Carry on as 'normal', do your cooking and let your mil2b do her own cooking.

citychick · 21/05/2016 11:53

Why don't you give her some small jobs to do? (Apart from cooking, unless for herself).

You feel like your space has been invaded and it feels a bit like it's forever?

If this is for the short term, I would suggest reminding yourself of that daily, give her something to do, and make sure your OH is arranging the fixing of her house. Without causing a scene about it. IYSWIM.

Is your house tiny and you are all on top of each other or do you all have a bit of space you can decamp to? If you are coming home late in the evening, have they not gone to bed?

Maybe you need to try and stop seeing her as a guest you need to entertain? More like the family member she is and explain that you will be coming and going as usual? Is she expecting you to entertain her?

Original poster
MrsUniverse · 21/05/2016 11:53

I'm not drip feeding I forgot to mention, we have no spare bed, MIL is on the sofa.

I get what everyone seems to be saying and if it extends beyond this weekend I will delegate.

I'm not letting on that I'm stressed, being as nice as possible and would never ask someone to leave because I can't sit in my underwear.

OP posts:
citychick · 21/05/2016 11:55

Also...think of it from her point of view. I bed she is desperate to get home!

rollonthesummer · 21/05/2016 11:55

Are you cooking at 11pm?!

My mum and MiL would be in bed at that time?! Can't they buy their own food and cook/ eat together at normal dinner time then you don't have to cook for them?

FeckinCrutches · 21/05/2016 12:01

I still want to know if you're cooking at 11pm!

Original poster
MrsUniverse · 21/05/2016 12:04

Yeah I'm cooking at 11pm but seeing as I don't get up until 2pm is sorta like my 6pm.

OP posts:
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