Help me please - DH eating massive really crunchy crisps really close to me

[nomoreintimacyever]

Slowly but surely munching his way through a big packet - aargh

Oh Jesus.

You'd better make a large mug of tea, then drink it slowly and noisily, making lots of swallowing sounds and sighing "aaaaahhhhhh" after every savoured, swallowy sip

I'll swap you, I'm a bit hungry and I fancy some crisps. DP is sleep breathing next to me

Mine too. About 100,000 pound chews per crisp and the bag appears to be endless.

Snatch them off him and lick them. All of them.

I have to leave the room when someone doing that.. I feel actual anger towards them!

LTB

Pound chews?

Loud chews.

He has left the room for a bit. I am off to hide the rest of the packet.

My first LTB. I hate the noise of my DH eating. Also how did I not notice in the many, many years before we married that he sticks his tongue out with every mouthful?!

Tazer him.

I feel actual anger towards them!

Me too

Drives me nuts too especially accompanied by bag rustling

I generally have to leave the room. Makes him very sad (his words). Not his fault. But I just can't bear it!

He sticks his tongue out. Fuck me you win. Definitely tazer him.

Great suggestions anyway - will implement them next time it happens. I especially like the "licking each crisp" solution .

I'm delicately nibbling munching a bar of chocolate. I offered DH a piece and he took it. Bastard. Let me borrow that tazer when you're done with it.

A work colleague was crunching slowly through an apple today......ahhhhh!

My ex used to noisily suck his fingers and chew with his mouth open. We were on holiday and I was eating popcorn while he had a lie down. When he came in I hid the popcorn and pretended to have eaten it all so he couldn't have any.

By that point it was one more excuse to hate him but I couldn't bear to listen to it. He used to do this thing where he would roll the food round and sort of stick it to the roof of his mouth so it would make a weird smacking noise. How I didn't kill him I don't know

Actually I lie: he's still irritating

Rustle rustle rustle

Crunch

Chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch

Slurp drink

Rustle rustle rustle

Crunch

Chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp squelch

Slurp drink

Kill him.

Tip a glass of water in the packet accidentally on purpose .

Soggy crisps= no crunchability.

Gloat Apologise profusely.

Pour large glass of wine and revel in the tranquility.

Sounds like you've done that before orchid are you a master crisp slosher?

Do you know toomuch, I have never actually sabotaged noisy foodstuffs! I should: DH sounds like one of those food waste disposal units you find in sinks now and again.

I have to walk out of the room if DH eats a bowl of cereal, he almost manages to slurp it then crunch. Every mouthful he eats is painful to my ears