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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

highchair etiquette?

38 replies

PonyPals · 18/05/2016 08:17

I went to a local cafe with my 6 months old. I ordered a coffee and then put my DS into a highchair and gave him toys to play with. About 2 min later a woman comes up to me and asks if she can have the chair as she needs it to feed her child. The thing is she wasn't polite but quite abrupt. I was annoyed and said that she can have it once I have finished using it. She then ranted for ages about how my DS was using it only to play with his toys and her child is now STARVING because of me.
I got up and grabbed my DS and asked for my coffee to go.
I am now kicking my self for giving in or should have I just handed it over in the first place?

OP posts:
LottieDoubtie · 18/05/2016 08:18

Shock mother was rude not you. Just ignore in future!

Unicow · 18/05/2016 08:21

She was rude for being abrupt and ranty. You were rude for not offering it (assuming no other chairs)

A high chair is first come first served but if you aren't feeding a child and she is the polite thing to do is offer it. It's much harder to feed a child without one than it is to let a child play without one.

PPie10 · 18/05/2016 08:22

She was very rude and should have asked nicely. However your child was playing not eating so she had a point.

GingerMerkin · 18/05/2016 08:24

You were there first, she had to wait, simple.

I might have felt the urge to throw my coffee over her.

FutureGadgetsLab · 18/05/2016 08:26

She was rude.

I've fed my DS in his pushchair when there haven't been high chairs. Why didn't she do that?

DeadGood · 18/05/2016 08:26

"She was rude for being abrupt and ranty. You were rude for not offering it (assuming no other chairs)

A high chair is first come first served but if you aren't feeding a child and she is the polite thing to do is offer it. It's much harder to feed a child without one than it is to let a child play without one."

Then the staff should intervene. Sorry, but if I'm sitting and relaxing in a cafe, there's no way I'm going to be looking around constantly to make sure nobody else needs it.

The other woman should have gone elsewhere if there were no high chairs available, or been prepared to ask politely with no expectation that the OP would inconvenience herself. OP could remove her child as a favour, but that is it.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 18/05/2016 08:28

First come first served. For all she knows you might be 5 minutes away from feeding yours anyway.

DeadGood · 18/05/2016 08:28

Should read: "if I'm sitting and relaxing in a cafe with my child in a high chair, there's no way I'm going to be looking around constantly to make sure nobody else needs it."

Bluecarrot · 18/05/2016 08:30

She was BU. you were drinking hot coffee and had put your child somewhere safe. She could feed her child on her knee, in pram etc

PaulAnkaTheDog · 18/05/2016 08:30

Ranty and rude. However I would have removed my child if he was just playing whilst another needed fed.

Loraline · 18/05/2016 08:31

She was being rude but I think yabu to not have given up the highchair. To Mr, etiquette is that highchairs are for feeding so should be given up if someone needs it and you're just using it for your child to play in.

MyBreadIsEggy · 18/05/2016 08:31

First come first serve with highchairs. You were there first. She was rude. And purely because of that rudeness, I wouldn't have given up the highchair!
But.....if you weren't planning on feeding your baby in the cafe, and she was going to feed hers, then the polite thing to do would be to offer her the highchair.

Nanunanu · 18/05/2016 08:31

Really? If there's only one chair whoever is sat in it is using it. If I go to a café and someone is sat in the corner reading a paper I don't request their chair cos it is easier to eat day down and they are just playing.

Different if the chair is not in use. So a 1 year old toddling around next to the chair certainly ask to use it. But the chair was being used.

If your childneeds a chair to eat them bring a booster seat with tray. Or wait your turn. The world doesn't revolve around your child.

Yabu to say sure after we have finished I'll bring it right over. Then don't take the piss and hang around.

Yabu to storm out. You deserved a nice cup of coffee as much as they did

DeadGood · 18/05/2016 08:32

Actually Unicow I can't get over how weird you are being about this.

How exactly do you imagine a parent on their own should manage to drink a hot drink with a 6-month-old in tow? Sit them in their lap and hope they don't lunge for the coffee? Put them on the floor? Hand them to the nearest stranger and ask them to hold them?

Nanunanu · 18/05/2016 08:33

*eat sat down

NeedACleverNN · 18/05/2016 08:38

I've been in that position.

There was three high chairs. All being used. Two babies were eating in them, one was just sitting there watching those eat.

We was about to sit down and eat. Did I ask for one of the chairs? Nope. I sat my child on my knee whilst I waited for one to become free.

As soon as it was free, the staff bought it straight over.

leelu66 · 18/05/2016 08:43

YANBU. Why do people give into such arseholes? Confused

VioletBam · 18/05/2016 08:44

I would never even think to look what someone else's child was doing in a highchair! She was rude.

KatharinaRosalie · 18/05/2016 08:54

YANBU. It's safer to feed a baby sitting on your knee than to drink hot coffee with a baby on your knee. First come first served.

RedToothBrush · 18/05/2016 08:55

You do not need a high chair to feed a baby.

She's rude and needs to get out more and learn to cope without one.

Wdigin2this · 18/05/2016 09:08

Did they only have the one?

ollieplimsoles · 18/05/2016 09:08

Yes was being very rude, you were using it first.

When I first started breastfeeding in public I used to get annoyed at the people sitting in the 'hidden' areas with sofas at costa, because the only seats left would be those high chairs in the middle of the room or near the window.

She can't plan her day around circumstances she can't control. What if all the hairchairs were taken with kids eating in them?

She was taking the piss, I wouldn't have moved my child.

pictish · 18/05/2016 09:08

SWBU, it's first come first served. I'd have dismissed her and carried on doing my own thing with the high chair.

Original poster
PonyPals · 18/05/2016 09:11

The cafe has 4 and they were being used. Usually I would have just left DS in the pram but I was going shopping so was going to get a trolley from a supermarket.
She was just so pushy. I understand that she wanted the chair but I would have never done what she did and would have just waited for one to be free.
I like the idea of throwing coffee on her (kidding - kind of)!

OP posts:
FuzzyOwl · 18/05/2016 09:18

I would have given her the chair but I think how she went about asking for it was rude.