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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset by midwives comment?

49 replies

5minutestobed · 10/05/2016 13:23

Met my new midwife today and one of the first things out her mouth was to ask what was wrong with my face...
There is nothing "wrong" with my face but I do have quite bad acne which I am very self conscious about.
I was absolutely mortified and now I'm fuming that she had the cheek to even ask such a thing. What the fuck has it got to do with her if I did have something "wrong" with my face?!
AIBU to complain and ask to see a different midwife? Not sure if I am being an over sensitive pregnant person about it.

OP posts:

lavenderdoilly · 10/05/2016 13:24

Complain. She has a bad attitude.

waitingforsomething · 10/05/2016 13:25

Yanbu. That was rude and a very insensitive way to talk to someone.

timeforabrewnow · 10/05/2016 13:26

Geeze - that's unbelievably rude. I don't think you are over sensitive - some HCPs think they can ask/say anything.

Ivegotyourgoat · 10/05/2016 13:27

Yanbu.

What did she say when you said it was acne?

I can't think of a good reason why she'd need to ask such a question.

Paulat2112 · 10/05/2016 13:27

I think it depends what way she said it? Was it rude or was her voice filled with care?

Obviously it's got something to do with her if there is something wrong with you. She is only trying to care for you, maybe she thought you had an allergic reaction, heat rash, etc.

Of course you can ask to change mw :)

ThinkPinkStink · 10/05/2016 13:27

You are not being unreasonable. Why would she or anyone else think it was okay to ask such a question out of context?

Absolutely ask to see someone else - if it's any reassurance I've seen several midwives this pregnancy and they've been nothing but lovely, kind and reassuring.

herethereandeverywhere · 10/05/2016 13:30

..and she's supposed to be a healthcare professional!

I think you are well within your rights to complain and ask for an alternative. I would have no faith in her caregiving abilities.

poor you OP - I have shit skin too (getting near 40 has helped a bit). Pregnancy hormones can wreak havoc with spot-prone skin. Try to focus on the fact you're going to have a baby which is just lovely XXX

SmilingandWaving · 10/05/2016 13:30

My GP said the exact same thing to me when I went for my postnatal check up. I wish I'd complained & I really think you should. It actually meant that I delayed getting treatment for a pretty serious abscess a week later which resulted in a trip to A&E and being accessed for surgery.

I would complain & ask for a different midwife, it's important to have a good relationship with your midwife and her comment has already undermined that.

Original poster

5minutestobed · 10/05/2016 13:31

She asked if it was some kind of scarring and when I said it was acne and it was because I can't take my medication when pregnant she said "oh you'll be looking forward to getting back on that then"
I just can't believe she said anything, no one has ever passed comment on my skin, surely that's just common sense that it would be a rude thing to do?
If she was concerned for my health surely she could have just waited to see if I still had it next time I saw her? Or asked if I had any rashes?

OP posts:

Original poster

5minutestobed · 10/05/2016 13:32

Shame as my old midwife was lovely!

OP posts:

lavenderdoilly · 10/05/2016 13:35

As pp has said, some Hcp s (particularly midwives ) think their role gives them a licence to be unpleasant without consequences.

Majorlyscared1993 · 10/05/2016 13:40

Wow. What a little cunt. I would report her to her immediate superior and get an apology. Good luck with your pregnancy and hope baby is safe and well. What an inconsiderate thing to say to a woman that is already stressed and hormonal! And dangerous, if that was me I would have kicked her in the fanjo and asked her 'what's wrong with your vulva?' 😂

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/05/2016 13:40

It's nothing to do with you being pregnant and hormonal. That's just don't right fucking rude.

Yes complain, and request another midwife. Where are these people coming from. I mean you wouldn't even say that to someone in the street. Let alone as a professional. What planet am I living on, because. It's not earth. It can't be.

Notimefortossers · 10/05/2016 13:41

I'm pretty sure we have the same midwife

Majorlyscared1993 · 10/05/2016 13:43

ilivein

Doingitover · 10/05/2016 13:44

You are not being unreasonable. What a cow. I don't think I'd want to see her again either. You need a good relationship with your midwife. One who can empathise and support you. You defo do not want to feel stressed out as you go for checkups.
Complain and change. Hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

Notimefortossers · 10/05/2016 13:45

HA! @ Majorlyscared

DerelictMyBalls · 10/05/2016 13:46

What a wanker! You poor thing, OP, that was a horrible thing to have happened.

My GP did that to me once, I went in with earache and he said, 'Never mind your ear, what about your FACE?'. I just went home and cried.

yummycake123 · 10/05/2016 13:49

YANBU. That's so rude! I would definitely complain and change midwife. If you're stuck with her you will stress out everytime you have to see her, wondering what stupid comment she might come out with... Good luck with your pregnancy.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/05/2016 13:50

Derelict. .
Please tell me you complained and he was struck off.

KindDogsTail · 10/05/2016 13:51

I think it was rude and insensitive.

Even if she was taking a medical approach and wanted to offer you help, she should have talked to you in a completely different and more tactful way. But it doesn't sound as though she was, or you would have said.

What sort of midwife has such a lack of empathy at this extremely sensitive time?

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 10/05/2016 13:53

How fucking rude. DEFINITELY complain. What a bitch.

GinaBambino · 10/05/2016 13:55

That is rude! Interim midwife I saw a few weeks ago basically slagged off my previous (absolutely lovely) midwife for not sending me for a growth scan (despite mw and Dr advising it wasn't necessary); all her notes were written wrongly for the new NHS trust I was in and all my bloods were done wrong. I told her calmly that I'd had no problems with previous mw; she'd always put me at ease and I trusted a health professional to look after me properly in the alloted 10 mins she had per appt. Midwife just snorted and looked down at me like I was a child. I didn't complain but now have a different mw who is awesome. I only have 4 weeks to go though so wasn't about to get stressed about it!

ChicRock · 10/05/2016 13:56

YANBU. It doesn't sound like she was asking in a genuine "is this something I, as a healthcare professional, need to concern myself with" kind of way.

Fwiw I had pretty bad acne into my mid twenties and was incredibly upset by my GP asking "are you here about your skin" as I walked into his room... I wasn't. But he was asking out of genuine concern and followed up with a "you know, in this day and age you don't have to suffer with acne" chat and referred me to a dermatologist. Roaccutane quite literally changed my life.

I would definitely ask to change midwives if I were you

GreatFuckability · 10/05/2016 14:00

That's awful. I once had a doctor say 'my god your stretchmarks are awful for someone who hasn't had a child yet'. (I was early pregnancy with my first child). Thanks. Thanks a lot.
And the midwife who told me my nipples were 'a weird shape' got told to fuck right off.

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