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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset by midwives comment?

49 replies

5minutestobed · 10/05/2016 13:23

Met my new midwife today and one of the first things out her mouth was to ask what was wrong with my face...
There is nothing "wrong" with my face but I do have quite bad acne which I am very self conscious about.
I was absolutely mortified and now I'm fuming that she had the cheek to even ask such a thing. What the fuck has it got to do with her if I did have something "wrong" with my face?!
AIBU to complain and ask to see a different midwife? Not sure if I am being an over sensitive pregnant person about it.

OP posts:

MatthewWrightResearch · 10/05/2016 14:04

What a very insensitive Midwife!

When I gave birth to my 3rd baby the midwife that was doing the postnatal care at home said to my DH "is this your 1st baby?" WTF! I have no idea why she would think that and I now wish I had said something at the time.

middlings · 10/05/2016 14:09

Complain. Definitely.

The midwife at my GP was so bad when I was pregnant with my second I walked into the ante-natal clinic around the corner that I'd been to with my first (for some reason I was being seen at the GP for most visits for DD2) and asked to do a self-referral to come back there. The godsend of a manager, who also gave me some of the best parenting advice ever (she's a grandmother), let me do it.

DD2 is now 2.5 and if I see that other woman at the surgery it's all I can do not to snarl at her. She's bloody awful.

myusernamewastaken · 10/05/2016 14:16

Very tactless and thoughtless comment but im sure we have all been guilty of blurting something out without thinking about it first...im gob smacked that someone suggested a gp should be struck off because he made an ill judged comment about a posters face....do you have any idea of the shortage of qualified health professionals in this country !!!

bigbuttons · 10/05/2016 14:28

I think you should kill her.

Scaredycat3000 · 10/05/2016 14:40

What sort of midwife has such a lack of empathy at this extremely sensitive time?

My MIL, one, just one of the list of the reasons she ended up at yet another disciplinary where she finally lost her senior MW position, she decided to stick her hand inside her patient without permission mid contraction. What else she had done I didn't understand when they were explained to me, but basically she's fucking rude, lacks respect and empathy to all in her life.
OP do report, if it is a one off not much will happen, if it's her usual attitude you may well stop something worse happening to somebody.

PalaceResident · 10/05/2016 14:44

The variation in these health care workers is extreme. I had a meeting with a HV recently who was just rude, brusque and and totally insensitive. I mustered up enough to write an email to her personally about errors she'd made on my DCs paperwork but not enough to complain about her.

Be brave, make the complaint!

EvansAndThePrince · 10/05/2016 15:09

my eyebrows just hit my hairline. You're definitely not being unreasonable.

My midwife called me the morning after I had DD to moan at me not attending an appointment. I'd been in hospital a week prior to having her

EvansAndThePrince · 10/05/2016 15:09

For a week*

michy27 · 10/05/2016 15:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Majorlyscared1993 · 10/05/2016 15:51

Wow michy so sorry to hear what happened to you... And what a shame about that bitch of a midwife. hope you are recovering well

michy27 · 10/05/2016 16:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 10/05/2016 16:22

What the fuckety fuck is wrong with people! YANBU!!!

MotherOfGlob · 10/05/2016 16:35

I arrived at hospital after a four day slow labour, in horrific pain and the MW saw fit that the first thing she should say to me was that the trousers I had on were the most unsuitable thing she had ever seen anyone turn up to give birth in. They were maternity leggings

DuckAndPancakes · 10/05/2016 16:47

bigbuttons has it right. Kill the bitch.

That's absolutely unacceptable. I'd have probably gone a leeeeeetle bit crazy at such a rude and ignorant statement, but I'm not really the most emotionally stable human being on the planet.

If you see her again, make a big deal of looking at her like she's been eating shit and ask "what is wrong with your mouth?"

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 10/05/2016 16:50

Yes kill her - though before you do just consider that I'm in London and through 2 PG/babies I never saw the same midwife twice.

is this because there are lots of midwives?
Or because they are being killed off?

EscobarsMule · 10/05/2016 16:56

Aww. Maybe she thought it could be German measles or chick pox or some such, which would have a bearing on the preg. Also, some acne meds are highly tetrogenic, so she'd need to know that. I've also had skin troubles and I know how embarrassing it can be, but, well it is a health issue, so she needed to know. IMO.

Original poster

5minutestobed · 10/05/2016 17:07

I wear a lot of make up, it's quite clearly acne, if you saw me I'm sure you'd be able to work that out with out having to ask such a rude question Esco
Thanks for all the replies glad I am not being unreasonable in being upset.

OP posts:

Original poster

5minutestobed · 10/05/2016 17:08

Also wichy sorry for your loss, I hope you complain about that midwife, that's awful.

OP posts:

AnthonyPandy · 10/05/2016 17:21

Please complain if you feel able to.

If you don't feel able to then complain anyway!!! Seriously, that is the only way some of these people will ever learn.

Dancingtothemusicoftime · 10/05/2016 17:29

I was breast-feeding my youngest DD quite soon after her birth - a student midwife who was checking my chart commented to me, 'I really don't get this obsession with breast-feeding, I think it makes women's breasts look like udders and it is revolting.'

Needless to say I was both shocked and completely taken aback. I told the senior midwife on duty who sighed heavily and made clear that this was not the first inappropriate comment from that particular student.

My DSIS (a midwife herself) was told to 'stop being pathetic' by a student midwife when she was distraught with pain when her contractions escalated unusually rapidly during the early stages of her first labour. Some of her finest Anglo-Saxon was deployed in response to that particularly empathetic comment .

Kariana · 10/05/2016 17:35

I can't believe these people are midwives, what disgusting behaviour! I thought mine was bad enough when I had a hairband extending the button on my trousers so they fit properly and she said "oh how common, buy some clothes". I was so shocked I laughed and acted like it was a joke but I'm not sure she meant it that way.

Dancingtothemusicoftime · 10/05/2016 17:43

Kariana oh that's awful .

My DSIS, the midwife, loves her job and most of her colleagues but says that some are just awful and she has no idea why they are in the profession. She witnessed one telling a woman who had had a late termination due to foetal deformity that she was a 'murdering bitch' . Needless to say she reported that.

murphyslaws · 10/05/2016 17:53

Complain! That's terrible.

Graceymac · 10/05/2016 17:54

As a nurse I can tell you that she was completely innapropriate and insensitive. I would inquire if I felt concern about an aspect of a persons appearance and felt that an investigation or intervention was required or may help. Part of our code of conduct which all nurses and midwives must adhere to covers showing respect for the person and maintaining their dignity. Clearly by making such a rude comment which was in no way helpful to you breaches this code. I would complain.

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