Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think actually mil is nbu to say no.

36 replies

Esmeismyhero · 09/05/2016 10:09

Mil and fil got divorced a long time ago after fil had an affair, it really hurt mil (obviously) and since I've known her since I was a baby I saw how much it hurt etc.

Fast forward over 17 yrs and fil has two teenagers with OW and dh has two dc with me.

We usually go for a short family break in the uk, this year I asked mil and dh if I could invite dh siblings (we don't get to see them a lot and they are lovely kids) mil has said no and that it would be too awkward for her.

I completely understand and she has said if we do want to invite them then she will be quite happy to take a few days off in summer holidays and spent time at ours and do things with kids.

Dh is upset, he understands but is upset.

I think mil is being perfectly reasonable tbh....... Over to mumsnet.

OP posts:
Chattymummyhere · 09/05/2016 10:12

I think it's perfectly fine for her to say no, regardless of the whole ow thing these are people she does not know and not everyone is happy to share a holiday with strangers.

VimFuego101 · 09/05/2016 10:13

I'm not sure why you would have even asked tbh. Your MIL sounds like she was very dignified in her response.

RaeSkywalker · 09/05/2016 10:14

Yes, I think it's ok for her to say no. It's better than her going along with it and being miserable the whole time.

WordGetsAround · 09/05/2016 10:14

Of course she is NBU to say no. I'm surprised you had the cheek to ask though! But I guess if you've known her all your life you thought it might be okay!

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 09/05/2016 10:15

She has met them and fil and mil have a good relationship now, they also have been here together at times etc etc so it wasn't thrust on her iyswim.

She also thinks they are lovely kids :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 09/05/2016 10:16

I don't think it was cheeky tbh, she's not some woman I know, this is someone I've grown up knowing and I can speak freely with.

Mil is an amazing woman and she's lovely to boot as well.

OP posts:
sirfredfredgeorge · 09/05/2016 10:17

She came up with a reasonable compromise she was happy with, you were unreasonable to prioritise her feelings over DH's.

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 09/05/2016 10:19

If mil has a perfectly reasonable response why would I agree with dh just because he is my dh?

He cannot tell mil how to feel and he cannot expect me to agree with everything. Imo anyway.

OP posts:
brassbrass · 09/05/2016 10:19

so it sounds like she's doing the best she can when she has to be with them but you seem to want to rub her nose in it even more?

Waltermittythesequel · 09/05/2016 10:21

If you think she's completely reasonable, why did you ask her?

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 09/05/2016 10:22

Rub her nose in it?

She's actually happily married to her 'soul mate' now and wouldn't change anything for the world :) as I said she's lovely.

FYI I know I was bu now asking.

OP posts:
shovetheholly · 09/05/2016 10:24

Your family sounds really lovely and understanding - it seems that everyone realises that this might be awkward for your MIL, that you can communicate about it really well, and that you're dealing with feelings of personal disappointment in an adult and caring way.

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 09/05/2016 10:25

I've apologised now, she's fine. We have a very close relationship. Closer than with my own mum

OP posts:
diddl · 09/05/2016 10:26

Your adult husband is upset that his mum doesn't want his teenage half siblings on holiday?

I'm also surprised that you asked.

If you want a holiday with them-organise it!

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 09/05/2016 10:32

Response from mil, and this is why I love her.....

why are you sorry?
No need to be at all - they are family to you too - close family - and it makes no odds to me at all.
Esme, I am not offended or perturbed with your suggestion and therefore you shouldn't either.
NO NEED TO BE SORRY!

See why she is amazing!

OP posts:
brassbrass · 09/05/2016 10:32

I've apologised now, she's fine

Why would you need to apologise if you hadn't done anything wrong?

What an odd thread Hmm

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 09/05/2016 10:33

Brass - I didn't think it was offensive, but was told it was so wanted to apologise. What's odd about that?

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 09/05/2016 10:35

I'm totally confused.

Janefromdowntheroad · 09/05/2016 10:39

Your name is in that message

I think it was ok to ask

brassbrass · 09/05/2016 10:40

you seem to be missing what's odd about the whole thing really. I wouldn't know where to start.

Feel sorry for your lovely MIL.

Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 09/05/2016 10:40

Jane - esme is my screen name, not my real name, I changed it before posting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Esmeismyhero · 09/05/2016 10:41

Brass - I'm sorry you think it is odd. We're just very lucky to have a close family that can talk about things and not get offended or upset about the little things. Barring dh of course Whois fine now lol.

OP posts:
whois · 09/05/2016 10:44

MIL is totally not being U, and her response was perfect. She doesn't want to go if they are, but she will step aside and do something else with you instead.

I think DP was a little U in asking TBH.

sirfredfredgeorge · 09/05/2016 10:44

The compromise was reasonable - DH sees his family, she sees you another time, no-one loses out. As it is, your DH has lost out on what he wants - he's upset, it's fair enough not wanting to go on holiday with people, but equally it's fair enough to want to go on holiday with people (your DH) your MIL should not be the one trumping his wishes.

whois · 09/05/2016 10:45

See why she is amazing!

How lovely. You apologized for putting her in an awkward position, she said no worries. All round sensible and grown up and no MN drama :-)