To think actually mil is nbu to say no.

[Esmeismyhero]

Mil and fil got divorced a long time ago after fil had an affair, it really hurt mil (obviously) and since I've known her since I was a baby I saw how much it hurt etc.

Fast forward over 17 yrs and fil has two teenagers with OW and dh has two dc with me.

We usually go for a short family break in the uk, this year I asked mil and dh if I could invite dh siblings (we don't get to see them a lot and they are lovely kids) mil has said no and that it would be too awkward for her.

I completely understand and she has said if we do want to invite them then she will be quite happy to take a few days off in summer holidays and spent time at ours and do things with kids.

Dh is upset, he understands but is upset.

I think mil is being perfectly reasonable tbh....... Over to mumsnet.

Agree with PPs that it was an odd request in the first place, but you've clearly all moved on already.

Your DH needs to arrange a separate holiday with his siblings, not tack them onto the break you have with MIL.

OP, there was NO need to apologise. I am puzzled by MN sometimes. If you had said "I told MIL that she couldn't come because we want to take teenage siblings instead, you would have got the same answers...

You don't know if you don't ask, and you are the best judge of your MIL.

This is a mad thread!

So you had already sorted everything out with her??

Esme, thank goodness there are reasonable exes and people who understand that family connections are so important. I think it was perfectly ok to ask, great you have accepted your MIL's response and an apology is never a bad thing even if not strictly required. We have often had our children's half siblings stay with us even though the break up with DH's ex was through infidelity. It isn't about our feelings, it is about the children seeing that their siblings are important and that people can move on.

"It isn't about our feelings, it is about the children seeing that their siblings are important and that people can move on."

Yes, but as adults, Op & her husband don't need to involve his mum!

I don't understand this much.

Was MIL coming on the holiday as well? If not why is she dictating who you DH can spend time with?

She sounds comfortable with these children as she is coming to stay with you while they are there, why would she object to them going on holiday?

I find this all very odd personally. Your DH has a relationship with his step-siblings, what is that to do with his DM and why do you have more loyalty to your DMIL rather than DH?

I want your MIL

Esme I can see why you came here to ask...

I can see why you asked MIL
I can see why she said no
I can see why that gave you pause and you apologised
I can see she is lovely from that reply

I can see why your DH is upset
I can see why you don't agree with him

Nobody was U.

You are lucky to have such a clearly loving relationship.

I hope your DH gets over his disappointment and arranges holidays that suit all.

The trouble is everyone thinks that over time one should forgive, well I don't, I think it's up to the individual to decide how they should still feel, me I'd be P...ed off, no matter if it's not the children's fault, its rubbing salt into old wounds, what fil did to mil is UNFORGIVABLE for ever and he needs to remember what he did, also dh needs have more thought for his mum, who probably didn't run off and leave him for a 'marriage breaker' who was obviously more important than him. I've heard people say ' You can't help who you fall in love with' it makes me sick!!
By the way I've been married for 32 years, no hiccups as yet!!!!! Friends and family not so lucky tho :(

No your MIL is NBU at all.

I think it was unreasonable to ask her though. Fine for your dh to want to do something with his siblings but he needs to organised something separately. Bit of a no brainer really.

Your dh sounds very inconsiderate to his mum's feelings.

Why is your husband upset?