Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I am prob BU but...

32 replies

troubletrouble · 05/05/2016 13:10

My daughter has been doing settling in sessions at childcare for a few weeks. She had one for a couple of hours this morning. Despite me saying she had a nap before I dropped her off and her information saying that she shouldn't nap again till after 12 I was told she 'fell asleep' for 30 mins about 10.45am. She is a nightmare of her routine is messed with and I've just had a 35 minute nightmare trying to get her down for her actual nap. AIBU to be thoroughly peeved? I didn't say much at the time but I did comment she would be a nightmare to get down for her nap now. Not sure if I should say something more. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

curren · 05/05/2016 13:28

What do you want them to do if she falls asleep?

The nurseries I have used for my kids always make it clear of the child falls asleep, there is little they can do. Trying to keep a child awake when they are dropping off is very difficult. They can't be dealing with an upset toddler and fighting keep them awake, when they have other children to look after.

Both my kids have had different nap times when at nursery. Especially the first few weeks, it really tired them out.

Can you put her down for her nap later and have a shorter one?

Booboostwo · 05/05/2016 14:18

She's clearly tired from the adjustment and needed to sleep. How do you propose they keep her awake? Do you think she would feel happy ans settled if she was so tired she was falling asleep and the carers kept her awake? A good nursery is flexible about sleep times and lets children sleep when they need to.

Waltermittythesequel · 05/05/2016 14:20

Why did you put her down for a nap if she'd already had one?

Paulat2112 · 05/05/2016 14:23

Yabu

What did you expect them to do? I can just imagine the reverse thread from the nursery/cm, 'been asked to keep a baby awake even though she was knackered and falling asleep. It felt so cruel'

You may find that now she is in childcare that your routine will need to change.

longdiling · 05/05/2016 14:24

I think yabu yes. I'm a childminder and if I had a relatively new child I was trying to settle in and they fell asleep I'm not sure I'd be trying to force them to stay awake. A grumpy tired child is harder to settle and I wouldn't know enough about her routine or your expectations to know if this was a complete no no or not. People often give me a rundown of when naps usually are but don't expect me to stick to them rigidly. Another parent may well have been 'thoroughly peeved' to be picking up a grumpy over tired child and I'd not know which would make you more peeved!

Tiggeryoubastard · 05/05/2016 14:27

What did you expect? They can't run the nursery around your child. And didn't it occur to you that she would be more tired?
And trying to make her nap again was very silly. Trying for 35 minutes? Didn't it occur to you that she wasn't ready after her earlier nap?

Topseyt · 05/05/2016 14:29

Why did you feel the need to put her down again when she had already had two naps and probably wasn't tired enough for a third?

When mine were that age, if they really wanted to drift off to sleep there was little that would stop them. I just kept them going afterwards and often that meant until bedtime.

Gottagetmoving · 05/05/2016 14:33

She is a nightmare of her routine is messed with and I've just had a 35 minute nightmare trying to get her down for her actual nap

If she fell asleep - she needed the sleep. No decent minder would force a child to stay awake to suit someone else's 'routine' or schedule.
Perhaps she is a nightmare because your routine is not best for her?

holidaysarenice · 05/05/2016 14:39

Actually no I don't think yabu, my dc don't nap at 4.30pm if they are stimulated/played with etc. they are then tired for bed at 730 and sleep to 7am waking easily.

A 30 minute nap at 430 because they have been doing nothing/watching TV etc and fallen asleep means bedtime is now 1030 and they are grumpy shits the next day. They also have had at least 2 hours less sleep - go figure the 'needed sleep' argument there.

If my cm tells me 'ohhh they just fell asleep' she knows I will ask her how she was engaging with them at the time. Some children need a routine, if a cm/nursery can't support that then they need to say so an alternative can be made.

araiba · 05/05/2016 14:42

so you are upset they let a tired child sleep but then you spent 35 minutes trying to make a not-tired child sleep?

what is this madness

Original poster

troubletrouble · 05/05/2016 16:14

I don't believe she was being engaged with properly. She has never fallen asleep at that time at home. She'd only been awake a short while. I put here down for a short nap later than usual as there was no way she would make it through to bedtime without another nap. We were going out later so I couldn't leave it any later than I did. My point is I shouldn't have to be messing with her routine as I feel they should be looking at her notes, otherwise what was the point of asking for them? They do state that they try to keep a child in the routine that they are used to but I'm not convinced they did that. She was only there for 2 hours! I do accept that she may have been tired out from nursery but she would not have fallen asleep if she was being played with. Not a chance.

OP posts:

Tiggeryoubastard · 05/05/2016 16:16

Why ask if you're BU when you're not going to accept it?

QueenJuggler · 05/05/2016 16:18

If you want your home routine preserved, you need to chose home-based childcare - i.e. a nanny.

Out of home based childcare, whether a childminder or nursery, cannot accommodate the myriad different routines of different children, and you need to be able to accept that if you want to use one.

Original poster

troubletrouble · 05/05/2016 16:21

I was answering a few questions which had been asked and expanding on why I felt annoyed. I'm sorry if that upsets you. I have taken on board the comments made and understand that most people believe I am bu but it doesn't stop me being peeved whether it is reasonable or not.

OP posts:

rainbowstardrops · 05/05/2016 16:25

I think you're going to have to be a lot more flexible I'm afraid.
Either that or employ a nanny.

Original poster

troubletrouble · 05/05/2016 16:30

I probably am. It's a learning curve for me. One of the reasons I chose this childcare was the fact that they were very keen on ensuring that routines were followed etc so I guess I'm just a little disappointed but my expectations were probably too high, hence I asked if I was bu.

OP posts:

LouBlue1507 · 05/05/2016 16:30

Your being completely unreasonable!

As an ex childminder, I would not prevent babies/children from falling asleep as it's actually classed as cruelty! If a parent asked that of me I'd point blank refuse.

If you want to use a nursery or cm then I'm afraid you're going have to accept that your child will adjust to their routine, not the other way around.

If you want someone to stick rigidly to your routine, I suggest you employ a nanny.

FlyingElbows · 05/05/2016 16:32

If you want to be in complete control and dictate routine then get a nanny. If your child goes to nursery it is inevitable that she will adapt and change to the routine there. If you can't loosen the reins then nursery is not for you.

skippy67 · 05/05/2016 16:39

YABU. Very.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 05/05/2016 16:39

I agree, the nursery cannot work 10,20 different routines for feeding and sleeping, they just can't, and it would be very cruel to force a tired baby to stay awake.

It's very common for a child's routine to be very different when in childcare as opposed to home, for example DD1 Stopped napping at home at 9 months old, but whwn she went to a CM she started napping in the afternoons with the other little ones - still never did it at home.

I agree with PP- if you want to dictate her routine, you need a nanny I'm afraid.

TealSeal · 05/05/2016 16:40

Your child is not a robot that can be programmed to a regimented routine. She had a change in environment, new friends and activities. That in itself is tiring and overwhelming sometimes. She was tired so she slept, surely that's life?

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 05/05/2016 16:41

You admit you're bu but still get cross with people for saying it? Yabu !!

A change of routine is tiring as ah adult never mind for a small child. The nursery shouldn't have forced her awake, you shouldn't have tried to force her to sleep. They're right, you're wring

QueenArseClangers · 05/05/2016 17:04

How old is your baby?

curren · 05/05/2016 17:35

They may try to stick to your routine. Doesn't mean your baby will.

newmumwithquestions · 05/05/2016 19:03

I actually think you're getting quite an unfairly hard time here, but mine aren't in childcare yet so I'll guess I'll get a wake up call when they go.

Given it was only a 2 hour intro session I think YANBU if you'd told them your DC had already napped and shouldn't, but perhaps you need to be clearer. Explain to them why you don't want her to sleep if you don't and I'd expect them to try to keep her up, of course if she's exhausted then that's different.

it would be very cruel to force a tired baby to stay awake
No, not if it means the baby sleeps better overall. DD1 was always a nightmare with naps. Posted on here for advice, nothing seemed to work. Now I finally have her in a routine and she has 1 long afternoon nap 2 hours +. If she has a morning catnap (even of just 20 mins) then she doesn't go down at all in the afternoon. It's horrible if it happens as she's really overtired and upset at everything, so in DDs case I'd say it's much worse to let her have a catnap.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.