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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have made him cycle?

30 replies

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 04/05/2016 12:40

Ds is 12. Year 7. Goes to school in the nearest big town. 6 miles away.

Ds gets a bus pass for school. He has lost it. In the pit he calls a bedroom. Every time I send him to look for it, he goes to his room and sits and reads. Or plays with something. Or anything to avoid tidying.

He is now not allowed on the bus without his pass. We got a letter.

I haven't got £20 to replace a card that's in his room. Especially as he just can't be bothered to look for it...

He has fully functioning arms, legs and brain. There is no physical reason why he can't ride. If he had a broken leg or something, then I would have to take him!

Aibu to make him ride until he finds his pass?

OP posts:
ErNope · 04/05/2016 12:41

YANBU.
I think he'll find it very very quickly then...

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 04/05/2016 12:42

Exactly what I would do in your shoes!

Owllady · 04/05/2016 12:42

In principle I think you are being reasonable. I just worry about how people drive round here but different areas have different set ups :)

AtSea1979 · 04/05/2016 12:45

Agree in principle. I'd just be worried about DC falling under a bus in rush hour.

TheNaze73 · 04/05/2016 12:46

YANBU

Clandestino · 04/05/2016 12:52

YANBU as long as the area is safe for cycling. Otherwise I'd think about withdrawing certain privileges or stopping the pocket money (telling him you've used it to pay for his bus pass because he can't be arsed looking for it).

Original poster
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 04/05/2016 13:51

I have told him he will have to sell his phone if he wants a new pass. (Old iPhone 4). It has already been confiscated until he finds the pass...

The roads are my main worry. He can cycle the distance easy enough. He is wearing a bright coat over his uniform. Hopefully, once he gets to the busy town, he will get off and walk the last bit. Away from traffic.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 04/05/2016 13:52

I have just bought him a very cheap basic phone for emergencies...

OP posts:
YorkieDorkie · 04/05/2016 13:57

Thumbs up to you! If he wants to get the bus he needs to find the pass!

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 04/05/2016 14:02

I think I would also give him a chance to earn the £20 (gardening for you etc) but yeah, if the roads are safe that's fair enough.

I live in a big cycling city and we cycle every day. But there are some routes into town I would never do as an adult, let alone as a preteen with an undeveloped prefrontal cortex unable to thoroughly assess risk.

Topseyt · 04/05/2016 14:09

Has he a cycle helmet and does he wear it?

In principle I am with you on this, though the risk from other traffic would worry me a lot.

Does he have any money of his own? If so then make him pay for the new pass.

My DD3 has until recently been prone to doing things like this. Loses keys, bus pass etc. She does a paper round for her pocket money and knows that I will charge her for replacements from that if she is that careless. That and having to wait outside if she didn't make sure to even take her key and I am out when she gets back.

Sometimes experience is the only teacher.

YorkieDorkie · 04/05/2016 15:01

I don't think the money is the point though... The message shouldn't be "never mind I can save and get a new one". It should be about getting off his butt and finding the one he lost!

peggyundercrackers · 04/05/2016 15:15

I wouldn't let him cycle all that way in rush hour traffic, different if it was only a few hundred yards but not 6 miles.

Original poster
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 04/05/2016 15:25

I don't have the money for it. For him to earn or not.
If he wants to go round the street or school carpark washing cars, that's fine!

He is travelling before rush hour, round country roads. Through a couple of villages.

Yes, he will be wearing a helmet.

Tonight, it's after school club. So I have to go to school anyway (motorsport). So he and the bike get a lift back as it will be late. And possibly dark.

I think he prefers to ride his bike, rather than go on the bus...

OP posts:
peggyundercrackers · 04/05/2016 15:45

im not trying to scare you but did you know cycling during rush hour/going to - come home from school (07:30 - 09:00 and 15:00 - 17:00) was the 2nd biggest killer of children over 7 yrs old.

WordGetsAround · 04/05/2016 15:49

I cannot believe some posters have a problem with a 12 year old cycling 6 miles! I think you've de exactly the right thing - actually, now it's the summer is save myself the bus fayre and let him cycle every day.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/05/2016 17:28

That seems exceedingly unlikely Peggy given that in 2014 there were 6 child cyclist deaths, 29 child pedestrian deaths, and 18 child car occupant deaths. Not to mention 250+ deaths from cancer.

peggyundercrackers · 04/05/2016 18:37

Boomboom here is a copy of the report if you don't believe me...

www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/461922/ras30030.xls

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/05/2016 19:30

You seem to have misread that report Peggy, it does not say that the second biggest cause of death for children over 7 years old is cycling to/from school. Which is what you wrote in your post.

It says that of road traffic accidents resulting in deaths or serious injuries that happen during those school run hours, most happened to children who were pedestrians, then to children on cycles, then cars and the smallest number was of children who were in trams or buses. Also, that particular file only seems to give figures for under 3s, not 7+.

peggyundercrackers · 04/05/2016 19:34

Boomboom you have not read the report properly. Ages are on the left hand side right up to 16.

Salene · 04/05/2016 19:35

No I wouldn't make him cycle although your principles are correct

Traffic is too dangerous you will never forgive yourself if something happens to him and over a £20 bus pass

Take away something from him or something like that.
But don't let him on the roads, drivers just don't give a shit

Salene · 04/05/2016 19:37

I'm saying that as a fellow vulnerable road user (motorcyclist)

And country roads can sometime be the worst.

Vardyparty · 04/05/2016 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skittlesss · 04/05/2016 19:39

I'm confused... you say you've just bought him a phone, yet say you can't afford the £20?

I would go help him tidy his room and find it. Then say if he does it again then there will be consequences.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/05/2016 20:01

Peggy not in the excel spreadsheet you linked to they aren't. Is that not what you meant to link to?

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