Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how to deal with this holiday problem.

50 replies

PreMayTheForce · 03/05/2016 12:52

Obvious name changer.

One of my 4 DC (all under 16) have been very kindly asked to go on holiday with a DF in the summer. After a lot of thinking, we have decided it's OK for DC to go. It fits in with our arrangements and we're really honoured by the invitation.

Other family we trust implicitly. They also offered to fund the holiday for our DC, but we said we felt we'd want to contribute.

The holiday is now booked and I've looked at the resort on other family's urging. And my oh gosh. It looks rather expensive.

So now we have the dilemma of how much to offer. Too little will seem like an insult, I feel, and well, if we offer the whole amount, it's probably the cost of a family week away in this country. We've already got a lovely holiday booked for the summer, and other children have other independent weeks planned away from us, but nothing on this scale.

Obviously holiday is a done deal, now, but how to approach repaying other family is beyond me.

OP posts:
Thurlow · 03/05/2016 12:56

Does this DF have children of their own? How many people are they paying for?

They might have got a good deal by going as a large group, so you might not be able to guess from the advertised prices what they are actually paying. If they have said they can pay for it, and have booked it, then theoretically they can afford it.

That is awkward, though. Do you know them well enough to say that you can't afford straight up to pay all of it? Can you come to a compromise where you're paying for a lot of meals or entertainment?

MLGs · 03/05/2016 13:00

I might just tell them what you have told us.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/05/2016 13:05

I think try and be honest with them, you'd like to contribute but not sure you could manage the whole amount - how about half?

BarbaraofSeville · 03/05/2016 13:13

Unless they're a bit dim, they must know they are going somewhere expensive that may be out of your budget.

Are there likely to be a lot of extra costs solely for your DC like meals out or activities? Accomodation might not have any extra costs if they have rented a certain sized property that costs the same whether your DC goes or not.

You say they urged you to look at the resort - do you think this was just out of interest - look at the sort of things your DC will be doing, or do you think they were trying to make you aware of the cost?

They have offered to fund, so I would have thought that if you offer a contribution of some sort and make sure your DC has some pocket money to take, it will be OK? Can you say 'it looks a lot more expensive than what our budget normally covers' and gauge their reaction?

How many DCs do they have? If just one, maybe they think their DC will have a better holiday if a friend comes along and they are prepared to fund this.

InternationalHouseofToast · 03/05/2016 13:16

Can you offer some money costed at X amount of spending money per day plus X amount towards ice creams for any other children going, so you contribute towards fun things that they are doing? They did say you didn't need to pay for the holiday, so I'd focus on offering what you can afford towards the day to day costs.

MattDillonsPants · 03/05/2016 13:24

I would offer an amount and say "I thought you could use this for their treats." that way, it's as though you're paying for ice creams, the odd souvenir and snacks.

How much were you thinking is affordable?

If you give two hundred pounds, then that's enough to not be an insult but still affordable?

BarbaraofSeville · 03/05/2016 13:27

I was thinking about £200 was probably the right sort of amount too Matt, providing that this is affordable to the OP of course.

Original poster
PreMayTheForce · 03/05/2016 14:09

Friend is an only child. So they see it as definitely beneficial to have a close friend go.

It's all inclusive, and they've booked a suite so I'm not sure if they would have done that if just the three of them?

I would have definitely considered spending money plus treats route of cash, but that doesn't work with AI, I reckon.

OP posts:
MattDillonsPants · 03/05/2016 14:10

Well calling it "treat money" is just a polite way of saying "this is all I can afford" OP.

It's not literal.

They can spend the lot on one lunch out if they want! It's a contribution.

blueskyinmarch · 03/05/2016 14:13

What ball park figure is the actual cost of the holiday?

DoesFlossfloss · 03/05/2016 14:17

OP - my DD is an only and when she's in her teens we will probably invite a friend for her. The friend will be our guest so I wouldn't expect her parents to contribute.

Scholes34 · 03/05/2016 14:18

You're doing the friend a big favour by sending your DC along on the holiday. I'm sure they appreciate that much more than anything financial you might send their way. They might not have booked a suite for just three of them, but equally, they might not have been so indulgent, had they not had someone to be with their child.

pippistrelle · 03/05/2016 14:29

Ultimately, it's down to what you can afford. Assuming there are flights involved, maybe aim to cover the cost of those?

My only child daughter is just a little too young for this but we'll certainly be considering inviting a friend on holiday in a year or two and, frankly, I'll be thinking that that family is doing us a favour really.

queenofthepirates · 03/05/2016 14:30

Be honest-they won't mind. Perhaps you could start off by saying 'I don't know how much the holiday will cost but could we contribute £x towards it?' If you feel that's too much or little, do tell me, I shan't be offended.' That opens the door for a discussion and they will probably either turn you down or just say yeah, that's great. Don't be embarrassed about talking money!

DailyMailDick · 03/05/2016 14:50

Id suggest £100 (or a bit more) if you can afford it but don't worry about trying to cover his cost. They have invited him because they want him there. I wouldn't worry about this.

Alternatively could you invite their DC to go away with you somewhere else in the summer?

mouldycheesefan · 03/05/2016 14:51

Can you work out the child price?
Some all inclusive are inexpensive for an extra child. Depends if its first choice all inclusive or sandy lane Barbados all inclusive.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 03/05/2016 14:51

Could you cover the flights?

mouldycheesefan · 03/05/2016 14:53

Thing is, you will have to return the favour so if they treat your child to a holiday you will need to do the same for their child really.

ICanSeeForMiles · 03/05/2016 14:53

There's also the possibility that they managed to nab a free child place, so in effect, they're not paying out a lot of money for your DC?

DailyMailDick · 03/05/2016 14:55

I don't think you need to cover the cost of the flights. Your son has been invited for their sons benefit and because they want him there. Think offering a token amount is plenty.

We have often taken the kids friends on holiday with us and have never wanted any contribution at all. We have always made that very clear when we first mention the invitation.

lrb978 · 03/05/2016 14:57

I've recently started taking ds's friends on days out, it may cost more but ds gets a great deal out of having his mates along, I gain because ds gets so much from being with his mates. I never ask for money, I figure if I had more than one child I would be paying anyway, and the benefit ds gets cancels out the cost. If I was offered money towards petrol/entrance fee/food/treats I wouldn't turn it down but at the same time I don't offer unless I can afford it all, I never expect a contribution.
And it wouldn't matter if I was offered £1 or the majority of the cost, all helps, none is deemed offensive (I wouldn't accept the full cost of the additional person, or more than that, as I offered in the first place).
Hope that helps, as an opinion from the other side, as it were Smile

fieldfare · 03/05/2016 15:23

I'd offer the cost of his flight.
We talked over one of dd's friends coming with us year but mil is coming instead as she's in need of a break. We hire a villa anyway so it's really the cost of the flight that is extra.

Frazzled2207 · 03/05/2016 15:23

They offered to pay in full so I think what you can afford is reasonable.
Having a playmate for their son will make the holiday much easier for them and their son esp, in an AI type place where the kids can do their own thing within reason.
They probably suggested you look at the hotel website to reassure you he'd be staying somewhere nice.

Original poster
PreMayTheForce · 03/05/2016 15:27

mouldycheese, I need to reciprocate? Shit. I did not think this through.

We're off on the holiday of a lifetime a fortnight later, it was hard enough trying to arrange that with 4 DC let alone 5.

Oh crap.

OP posts:
mouldycheesefan · 03/05/2016 15:30

No I don't mean that you need to change your holiday to take an extra friend. 😂But at some point reciprocation is the norm, whether it be a holiday, weekend away or day out.
Also thinking that if you already have a major blowout holiday this year then funds to contribute to do Ho,I day with friend may be lower than in a normal year?