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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not know how to deal with this holiday problem.

50 replies

PreMayTheForce · 03/05/2016 12:52

Obvious name changer.

One of my 4 DC (all under 16) have been very kindly asked to go on holiday with a DF in the summer. After a lot of thinking, we have decided it's OK for DC to go. It fits in with our arrangements and we're really honoured by the invitation.

Other family we trust implicitly. They also offered to fund the holiday for our DC, but we said we felt we'd want to contribute.

The holiday is now booked and I've looked at the resort on other family's urging. And my oh gosh. It looks rather expensive.

So now we have the dilemma of how much to offer. Too little will seem like an insult, I feel, and well, if we offer the whole amount, it's probably the cost of a family week away in this country. We've already got a lovely holiday booked for the summer, and other children have other independent weeks planned away from us, but nothing on this scale.

Obviously holiday is a done deal, now, but how to approach repaying other family is beyond me.

OP posts:

pippistrelle · 03/05/2016 15:34

You don't need to reciprocate. It's nice if you can at some point, but for them, the point is probably that they want company for their child on their holiday, not that they then want to send their child away with you.

BeautifulMaudOHara · 03/05/2016 15:37

You don't need to reciprocate IMO
I'd offer £100 for treats
You're doing them a favour as their child will have a much nicer time with their friend there

Frazzled2207 · 03/05/2016 15:37

I think including him on a camping weekend or day out is fine, I don't think you need to worry about taking the friend on a posh AI holiday

Ginslinger · 03/05/2016 15:46

you don't need to reciprocate - we took an assortment of DCs friends over the years - it suited us to do so especially when DS2 was little and almost like an only. We never expected any reciprocation for that - if they invited any of our DCs that was all well and good, but not expected.

LagunaBubbles · 03/05/2016 15:50

Of course you dont need to reciprocate taking them on holiday, that's ridiculous! I would be dreadfully offended if I took one of my childs friends on holiday and they felt they had to do the same!

pasanda · 03/05/2016 15:55

No way do you need to reciprocate. They have one dc, you have 4!!

Slightly unfair!

momb · 03/05/2016 16:13

I'd send the airfare and a bit more for treats.

SJane45S · 03/05/2016 16:17

No you don't need to reciprocate this year, particularly if your holiday is all booked! There's also the possibility that they'll fall out on holiday (I remember going on one hellish holiday with my then BF age 10 where she was vile to me most of the time!). Maybe offer next year If they're still mates?! My eldest DS was taken to Disneyland Florida a couple of years ago - again, all flights and expenses paid. Like the above, I think they're doing this as they're obviously nice people and want their child to have some company. I don't imagine that they'll expect you to fork out a huge amount. I gave my DS £200 spending money - I think a similar amount here would be fine. It's not an insignificant amount of money!

Janeymoo50 · 03/05/2016 16:22

Is it abroad? The difference between 2 adults/1 child in a room and 2adults/2 children will be fairly minimal to be honest. Maybe all the rooms are suites anyway. Can you do a "pretend booking' to cost it as above and seecwhat the difference is?

WhereInTheWorldToNext · 03/05/2016 16:29

You say you trust the family implicitly which means you must spend a reasonable amount of time with them? In which case they've probably got a fairly reasonable idea of what you can/can't afford and will be why they insisted on covering the cost themselves.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 03/05/2016 16:31

I have an only child and would be delighted to take a friend along on holiday with us for company. 2 children sharing a room is no more expensive than 1, and tbh, if budget permitted I'd get a suite over a family room anyway for the three of us.

Can you offer to pay for flights? If someone offered to pay for the flight and their child had a bit of pocket money, I'd be delighted. Other than that, the suggestion of £100-£200 for 'treats' depending on what you can afford is a good one. If they offered to cover the full cost then honestly, they're not looking for a huge amount for you.

I also wouldn't comment on how expensive the holiday is. I have a friend who's always commenting on what we spend on trips and travel (not in a bad way) and it always makes me feel a bit uncomfortable!

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 03/05/2016 16:32

I'd just say to them if you let me know what you'd like me to contribute and I can get it to you.

mouldycheesefan · 03/05/2016 16:44

Exasperated, what if they name a contribution that is higher than the op can or wants to pay?

Roussette · 03/05/2016 16:44

No, you don't need to reciprocate with a holiday! I took friends of my DCs quite a few times, they never took my DCs on their holidays!

I did however always ask for something towards the holiday and for them to pay for airfare for their child, not unreasonable I don't think, it was still a cheap holiday for their DC

herecomethepotatoes · 03/05/2016 16:47

What MLG said.

If it was the other way around then would you appreciate the honesty? Bet you would!

whois · 03/05/2016 17:12

If it's AI the incremental cost for a 4th person will be hardly anything. The single supplement on rooms is such a killer.

Company for their child is probably he main aim here.

Offer £200 for treats/day out and say how lovely of them to take DC, really looking forward etc.

It would also be nice if you included this child in things you do sometimes, eg on a bike ride, or a day out or something.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/05/2016 17:26

The incremental cost might not be trivial. Even if it's a package, you've got the cost of the flight and the food/drink/icecream/kids club element of the AI package for the OPs DC, so could easily be a few hundred.

But that's not the point anyway, they've said they'll fund the holiday so it's just a case of sending an appropriate contribution as a gesture.

Is there a waterpark/ theme park nearby (assuming that there isn't one included in the hotel)?

Perhaps offer to pay for them a day there, which could easily be £100-£150 for a family if it's a big destination one and you include the cost of lunch. Add on £50 for your DC for souveniers etc and you're in the £200 ballpark that a few posters have agreed is appropriate.

HeirOfNothingInParticular · 03/05/2016 17:32

My DD is an only child, and my DH hates beach holidays so we never do them.

After mine and DD's first holiday on our own, I vowed never to do that again as she moaned non stop for a week. I decided then that in future I would invite one of her friends. We always went all inclusive and got some really good deals where there was none, or negligible, difference in the price for another child (I had to pay full whack for my DD anyway as I was the only adult). I was happy to do this because it meant that I had a much more relaxing holiday. I would imagine your DCs friends parents are of the same mind. The only thing I expected was that they sent their DC with a little bit of spending money for them to use on trips out etc.

I personally think it's a big 'ask' to another parent for permission/trust to take their DC abroad, and I wouldn't then present them with a bill on top of that. I am sure they will be pleased if you offer a token amount, but I doubt they will be expecting it. Perhaps some flowers and wine on their return, or a treat of some kind...

rookiemere · 03/05/2016 17:44

We have an only DS and in our case we'd still book the suite/2 room arrangement so we weren't sleeping in the same room as DS so if we were inviting a friend for him we certainly wouldn't expect them to pick up 1/4 of the tab.

Is there any way of pricing up 3 in the same type of room vs 4? If you're wanting to offer anything then that would be the amount I'd go for. But if I was inviting one of DS's friend I'd make it clear if I wanted anything or not and I'd do it upfront before booking so it was all out in the open.

I would have an honest chat with the parents. Say that you're flattered that your DC was invited but you've checked costs now and the holiday isn't one you could have afforded yourself so you wanted to give your DC say £100-200 to pay for a meal at the airport, taxi to and from airport - or you could offer to drop them off and pick them up which I'd certainly appreciate more than any money.

I'm sure it will be fine.

whois · 03/05/2016 18:11

or you could offer to drop them off and pick them up which I'd certainly appreciate more than any money

That is a great idea!

But I would still give something, like £50, for treaty spends for the kids.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 03/05/2016 18:36

I'd offer money for treats. A girl we know often got asked to go away on holidays with a friend of hers who was an only child. The parents of the only child were happy to pay as their daughter got to have a companion. Their argument was that it was far cheaper to borrow a child for a holiday than have another one of their own!

YouMakeMyDreams · 03/05/2016 18:40

My parents took a friend on holiday with us when I was 14 because of single supplements it was actually a minimal extra cost to take her. I remember her mum saying she didn't want to be beholden to my parents but they told her straight how much extra it really cost and for company for me was worth it. So it may not be as bad as you think.

DoesFlossfloss · 03/05/2016 18:50

I personally think it's a big 'ask' to another parent for permission/trust to take their DC abroad, and I wouldn't then present them with a bill on top of that

Exactly!

GColdtimer · 03/05/2016 19:58

We took a friend on holiday when I was 12 and my brother didn't want to come. Her mum sent her with some spending money but my parents covered the rest.

She didn't reciprocate and nor would we have expected her to.

How about sending him with his own spending money and then giving them cash for drinks/food at the airport or offer to cover their parking/transport to airport or similar (or offer to drive them).

NapQueen · 03/05/2016 20:01

Id give your dc spending money (and urge ds to treat their ds to something from it too).

Wheb the parents bring him home, maybe give them a thank you gift? A voucher for a restaurant or a nice hamper of wine and nibbles etc.

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