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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be cross at my husband?

35 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 30/04/2016 20:44

It's our DD's birthday today- she's 9. We've had a great day playing with new toys etc ahead of her party tomorrow.

(Not-so)DH went to get his hair cut at lunchtime - he was out for about 45 mins. I was a bit miffed but DD didn't seem bothered so I let it go.

DD goes to bed around 8pm (even on her birthday- she hates a late night!!) and I was looking forward to snuggling up on the sofa with DH watching a film and generally feeling pretty proud of ourselves for raising such a brilliant DD (IMO!). He works away during the week so we don't get much time together and he's not always been home for her birthdays.

Anyway, cheeky beggar has gone to the pub with his mate! Hes not a regular pub frequenter- TBF to him he did ask of DD and I wanted to come- I politely explained little girls don't celebrate their birthdays in pubs...!). DD is soundo and not at all bothered; I'm quietly fuming...AIBU that he doesn't recognise that birthdays are family days?

OP posts:
MakingJudySmile · 30/04/2016 20:46

She's in bed. YABU.

Thattimeofyearagain · 30/04/2016 20:46

Yabu, your dd is already in bed.

VimFuego101 · 30/04/2016 20:48

45 mins to get a haircut doesn't seem unreasonable, and he went to the pub after she was in bed. I wouldn't be bothered about either of those things.

Costacoffeeplease · 30/04/2016 20:48

Your daughter's asleep so it's not for her is it? If you wanted a night in front of the TV together, did you tell him?

CoolforKittyCats · 30/04/2016 20:50

YABU your DD is asleep. It wouldn't bother me.

NerrSnerr · 30/04/2016 20:50

She's gone to bed! (And I don't understand why he's cheeky for getting his hair cut?)

BYOSnowman · 30/04/2016 20:50

Agree that this has nothing to do with your dd. Once she's in bed the birthday is over.

You say he works away a lot - is that what's feeding it?

In the same situation what would annoy me is if he sprung on me that he was going out.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 30/04/2016 20:53

45 minutes for a haircut is pretty quick! And your daughter is in bed, so the family part of her birthday is over.

Its totally reasonable to want to watch a film with your husband. It's reasonable for him not to want to, too. As he's not always at the pub and he did invite you, I don't think he's done much wrong.

If you're generally feeling that you don't see him much, can you book in something to look forward to together? If he's not at the pub much, is there something else taking up his time that he could reduce to make more time for you both?

Everyone needs a social life, though.

TheImprobableGirl · 30/04/2016 20:54

Nope YABU , sorry :) you were invited and didn't go. I suspect if that was the only problem making a 'not so D' H not so D.... Then you are still onto a winner

TurnOffTheTv · 30/04/2016 20:54

YABU. you say he's not a pub frequenter, and if works away probably doesn't get much chance to catch up with friends.

0hCrepe · 30/04/2016 20:55

I think what's really annoyed you is his going against your expectations. His don't necessarily meet yours and objectively he has done nothing wrong. Have a word with yourself and let it go. Enjoy a peaceful evening and watch a film you like.

TurnOffTheTv · 30/04/2016 20:57

And what's all this 'Little girls don't celebrate their birthdays in a pub' nonsense? I'm sure a chance to stay up a bit later to go have a lemonade and an ice cream with daddy would have been fun.

starry0ne · 30/04/2016 21:00

Another YABU....

I agree with other posters you were invited.. DD in bed..

Enjoy film on sofa let him catch up with his mates..Sounds like lots of time together tomorrow for the party

uglyswan · 30/04/2016 21:09

Yes, the OP was ostensibly invited - but then who was supposed to be looking after DD while both parents were in the pub?

rosyleigh · 30/04/2016 21:11

I agree with OP young children's birthdays are a celebration for the DC and parents. It's a special day. On DCs birthdays I always think about the birth and bringing them into this world and a nice evening together is not much to ask for to mark that. YANBU OP.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 30/04/2016 21:14

She's gone to bed! What does the rest of the evening have to do with her birthday? Kids birthdays end when kid goes to sleep.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/04/2016 21:14

Yabu.

DraenorQueen · 30/04/2016 21:15

I don't get the problem. You've all had a nice family day, what's wrong with going for a few drinks when she's gone to bed?
And "little girls don't celebrate their birthdays in pubs" makes you sound absolutely insufferable!

Queenie73 · 30/04/2016 21:20

I wouldn't let my children go to a pub in the evening either.
Do you feel a bit like you never get to go anywhere because of always being the one who does the childcare? If so, then it's not surprising that you feel put out.

sizeofalentil · 30/04/2016 21:21

I think him going to the pub was a bit thoughtless of him - would have been nice if he'd been on the same wavelength as you. But tbf how explicit were you in letting him know you wanted a nice snuggly night in? Not a major crime tbh.

Original poster
Crisscrosscranky · 30/04/2016 21:23

Blush sounds like I wbu. P.S - I have no issue with pubs; I have issue with him asking if a little girl who doesn't like pubs (how many little girls do!?) or late nights wants to go on her birthday- she literally asks to go to bed if she's still up at 8.15. By the way, he knew I'd be peeved- just been in the kitchen and he's washed up... He never washes up (but this has calmed my fury ever so slightly Wink)

OP posts:
DowntonIsMyHome · 30/04/2016 21:25

it's been a family day and she's got her party tomorrow, resulting in two days as the centre of attention.

I don't think going out for a few drinks with mates and getting a hair cut is the end of the world.

TurnOffTheTv · 30/04/2016 21:25

So he's home already? Yadbu then Grin

Original poster
Crisscrosscranky · 30/04/2016 21:28

No, he's not home- he did it before he went!

OP posts:
Rainbowlou1 · 30/04/2016 21:33

I sometimes take my children to the pub on a Saturday or Sunday without it being to celebrate birthdays (usually accompanies a dog walk!) and it's a real treat for them..
But if your dd really wanted to go to bed early I don't any reason why he shouldn't see friends?