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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Apparently I am being unreasonable.

52 replies

Oreganoooo · 29/04/2016 05:25

We are decorating our bedroom and sleeping in the lounge Confused whilst the decorating gets sorted - it has been 3 weeks of putting a mattress on the floor to sleep which is not ideal because I am waiting for an operation and in pain most days.

DH is handy with DIY and has done most of the decorating. I've helped out where I can but due to ongoing pain and a toddler to chase after I've not done as much decorating as DH.

We had planned to do decorating in evenings and at weekends but half the time DH has decided he is "too tired" and to watch TV and drink beer until gone midnight.

We have carpet fitters coming tomorrow and the skirting boards are not on the wall. DH promised to get this sorted before the carpet arrives. He knows I'm desperate to get back into the bedroom because sleeping in the lounge is uncomfortable.

Last night he went out and got the usual beers and I asked him not to stay up too late as we have things to do today. These renovations have been dragged out across 3 weekends leaving me in sole charge of a toddler and trying to manage a painful condition. I wanted to get it bloody finished

DH has just come to bed (5am) after drinking 8 beers. He is pissed as a fart and our toddler will be up at 6am sharp.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

I tried to challenge him on this but he said it was his "long weekend" and he wanted to enjoy himself. Apparently I am being unreasonable for wanting him to:

A) Stay sober in case I have to go back to the hospital in the middle of the night

B) For wanting him to do what he said he would do

OP posts:
KateInKorea · 29/04/2016 05:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

43percentburnt · 29/04/2016 05:54

what time does he get up if he drinks 8 beers on a Thursday night and falls into bed at 5am?

Reminds me of being a student!

Would the carpet fitters fit the skirting board tomorrow? (Not you initial question I know).

However drinking that much regularly, his lack of regard for your health and presumably his lack of input in your child is rubbish. Does he have a drink problem? Functioning alcoholic?

Janecc · 29/04/2016 06:14

Yanbu of course. Has he always been like this? Or has it been since you became ill or you had you a baby? He sounds very immature.

Janecc · 29/04/2016 06:18

I would let the carpet fitters fit the carpet. The skirting board can be fitted on top if needs be. Skirting board can be fitted with a gap and used in place of gripper rods. But usually this is done first. Your dh will just have to pull up the gripper rods. Alternatively, as a pp said, you could ask the fitters if they would do it for you. They possibly would.

MangoBiscuit · 29/04/2016 06:21

Any chance you could check in to a hotel or B&B with a proper bed for the night tonight? I reckon the beer money for next week would probably cover the cost.

You need to have a proper talk with him when he's sober, and you're not quite as pissed off, although in your shoes that would take me a while.

LindyHemming · 29/04/2016 06:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Oreganoooo · 29/04/2016 06:57

I'm fuming with him. DS is already up for the day and I have to sort out breakfast, have a shower, get DS ready for nursery. He's obviously still passed out.

I just want this bedroom sorted before I go in for my op next week. I do not want to sleep on the bloody floor when I get out of hospital!!!

I've put the TV on super loud, opened the curtains and let DS jump on the mattress. He's still passed out.

Prick.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oreganoooo · 29/04/2016 06:58

Yes he has a job. A good respectable job which he is good at. Every time the has leave he takes it as an excuse to relive his student days.

OP posts:
ithinkitstimeforanamechange · 29/04/2016 06:58

I don't drink at all so I may be over reacting! But that much regularly sounds excessive . Do you think he may have a real drinking problem?

I would probably sit down and talk to him about that without mentioning the bedroom etc as if he really does have a problem controlling his drinking getting hell for that would hopefully mean that his behaviour in other areas would improve

Duckdeamon · 29/04/2016 07:00

He is being a selfish prick. Why is he drinking so much? Does he do this a lot?

Can you pay someone to finish stuff? Or pay for some childcare to give you a break?

confusedandemployed · 29/04/2016 07:00

I like a drink as much as the next person, but this is getting in the way of things he HAS to do in the house. Not just today, but for the past 3 weeks.

He really does have a problem. How will he cope with your DS while you're in hospital if he's either pissed or hungover?

Original poster
Oreganoooo · 29/04/2016 07:01

We have spoken about drink before. He ums and ahs and says 'ok I'll cut down' then does for a while. Then it creeps back in again.

Sorry for the drip feed but it's occurred to me that he's quite passive aggressive. If I specifically say 'please do not do X' (which is rare) he will go ahead and bloody do it. As if he's saying "you can't tell me what to do"

He knows this is important to me. I feel so angry and let down.

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 29/04/2016 07:02

For context, 1 can is 2 units minimum. 5 cans a day = 10 units. 7 days a week = 70 units.

Duckdeamon · 29/04/2016 07:04

So he has a drinking problem.

Yes, he has let you down, very badly.

Dellarobia · 29/04/2016 07:09

He sounds very childish. I can't imagine having a DH who deliberately did something I'd asked him not to do!

Only1scoop · 29/04/2016 07:12

Ugh he sounds like a selfish piece of work.

Check yourself into a hotel

3 weeks to decorate a bedroom. We did ours in 2 days.

NeedACleverNN · 29/04/2016 07:13

Yeah yanbu

He's a bit of a prick really isn't he?

Can you afford to pay for a decorator to come round and finish everything?

If he moans just say it wouldn't get finished otherwise

Original poster
Oreganoooo · 29/04/2016 07:41

I just woke him up. I lost my rag and started yelling at him for being useless and selfish. I'm not proud of it.

He became quite aggressive and called me a stupid bitch.

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 29/04/2016 07:45

Sounds like the relationship has broken down
I'd think about marital counselling

RJnomore1 · 29/04/2016 07:52

He's probably still drunk. I wouldn't expect reasonable conversation right now.

NeedACleverNN · 29/04/2016 08:17

Yeah what RJ said

Doesn't excuse his behaviour but I doubt he is anywhere near sober

ClopySow · 29/04/2016 08:21

Yeah, you're not going to get much else out of someone who's pissed and only had a couple of hours sleep.

3 weeks to decorate is rediculous though. I've done a room myself in a day. It was constant and back breaking but the alternative was chaos in a tiny flat for more than a couple of days and that just isn't doable.

junebirthdaygirl · 29/04/2016 08:25

Better to do something than say something. So can you move home to your parents or as already said book into a hotel. Or hire someone to do it. Action is better. Causes less strife and hits home the message better. But it does seem like he has a drink problem. Drinking until 5 am with an ill wife small toddler and work to be done. That's very serious.

Choughed · 29/04/2016 08:29

He's an alcoholic. He won't change unless he wants to. I'm so sorry.

RJnomore1 · 29/04/2016 08:33

Gosh no it wasn't meant as an excuse just that I don't think it's the time to try to engage him about it.