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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you expect to be told?

50 replies

blondieblondie · 27/04/2016 22:37

If your child's other parent is leaving the country for the weekend, would you expect them to tell you? I mean a parent that your child stays with a few times a week, you text and discuss arrangements for child regularly, etc. If you were leaving for 3/4 nights and your child was staying with the other parent for that duration, would you tell them where you were going?

OP posts:
Ikeameatballs · 27/04/2016 22:39

No, not if I expected to have care of the children anyway and assuming that they would be contactable in the event of any emergency related to the children.

BillSykesDog · 27/04/2016 22:39

Er, no. If you're not together any more why do they have to account to you for their movements? In this age of mobiles, laptops and emails they won't be uncontactable if there is an emergency.

When your child is not with them they are under absolutely no obligation whatsoever to account to you for their movements. YABVVU.

ChicRock · 27/04/2016 22:39

No.

I'm assuming they are contactable by mobile phone, email, social media, etc if required in case of an emergency.

FuzzyOwl · 27/04/2016 22:40

No and I wouldn't expect them to tell me what they got up or planned to do on the nights they were in the country. Some ex couples have an open relationship and are happy to talk about this but I would expect it.

BreakfastMuffin · 27/04/2016 22:40

Depends on my relationship with them. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I'd tell if we were OK, I would not if we hated each other.

Costacoffeeplease · 27/04/2016 22:40

Only if the child was with them, if the child's with you, then no

Waltermittythesequel · 27/04/2016 22:40

No! Why would I need to know that?

TheNaze73 · 27/04/2016 22:43

No, I'm struggling to see any issue here whatsoever. YABU

AliceInUnderpants · 27/04/2016 22:45

Only if they had the child. Is your ex giving you hassle about you going away?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 27/04/2016 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
blondieblondie · 27/04/2016 22:54

I just can't imagine leaving the country, and not telling them. For them to contact me in an emergency and find out I was in another country seems crazy to me, but maybe I'm the crazy one :)

Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 27/04/2016 23:07

It's a curtesy to let the other parent know for exactly those reasons op but no I wouldn't expect it as a right

DoreenLethal · 27/04/2016 23:10

Well, if you are in a relationship with the other person then yes. Otherwise, no.

lorelei9here · 27/04/2016 23:13

Um, I'm not a parent but I find this a bit strange, if you have a child, a young child, with what sounds like shared care, then yes, surely you woukd keep each other informed of things like that.

OP how would your ex be if you didn't say you'd be abroad?

Cabrinha · 27/04/2016 23:17

But tell you or not, they'd still be out of the country if there was an emergency Confused So for that reason I'd say no to having to report in my movements to an XH.

Maybe it depends how big a deal you see travel as?
I travel to continental Europe about 25x a year. As it happens XH usually knows I'm abroad as I had the same job when we were married. But it's no big deal, he doesn't need to know.

In an emergency, yeah, it would take me longer to get home. But I'm not harder to get hold of and what he would do to respond to the emergency (hospital, presumably) would be the same whichever country I was in.

abigamarone · 27/04/2016 23:18

I'd think my ex had lost his marbles if he went abroad without telling me. We do get on though.

If I were going away I'd have to tell him just so that he'd be able to feed my cats.

EatShitDerek · 27/04/2016 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AugustaFinkNottle · 27/04/2016 23:26

The thing is that if you're in another country when the emergency happens you'll be there whether you've told the ex or not - they won't be able to contact you any more quickly, and you won't be able to get back any more quickly.

Cabrinha · 27/04/2016 23:29

Incidentally, married and divorced since maternity leave, I've probably made 150 trips abroad. Fortunately, not a single emergency.
I think an emergency is rare enough for most people not to warrant having my arse of an XH intimately acquainted with my diary!

TattyCat · 27/04/2016 23:37

In the advent of mobile phones and being contactable 24/7 then YABU to expect to be told. It changes nothing whether they are a 500 mile drive or a 5 hr flight away, so would you expect to be kept informed if they were away in the UK? The world's becoming smaller!

funniestWins · 28/04/2016 04:12

I think I'd tell them, yes; not that I have any experience of a similar situation. Surely it's in the best interests of the child?

If the parent looking after them was taken sick, too sick to look after the child, then the other parent is the best one to take the child back.

The Wolrd is getting smaller and communication easier but a quick, I'm going to X is helpful.

I never tell him where I'll be. He doesn't need to know

But it can be helpful and you simply sound combative as usual.

DisneyMillie · 28/04/2016 04:22

I can't imagine not telling my exh and he always tells me - its on my family calendar when and where he's away. I just think it's handy to know that he's / I'm not around for an emergency. But then we get on very well so chat about our lives in general

WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman · 28/04/2016 05:52

DD's dad lives four hours away from us so contact is sporadic. I've only been abroad once while she's been with him and I told him in advance out of courtesy. I would never expect him to keep me informed of his trips abroad unless it affects DD in some way.

IthinkIamsinking · 28/04/2016 06:24

I think it could be mentioned perhaps out of courtesy but certainly not out of obligation. I agree with Disney in that it is perhaps useful to know in case of an emergency.

ChocolateStash · 28/04/2016 06:29

It depends on how well they get on. If it's not their days for having the dc, it might be mentioned in passing.