Would you expect to be told?

[blondieblondie]

If your child's other parent is leaving the country for the weekend, would you expect them to tell you? I mean a parent that your child stays with a few times a week, you text and discuss arrangements for child regularly, etc. If you were leaving for 3/4 nights and your child was staying with the other parent for that duration, would you tell them where you were going?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Yes, i would expect to be and would also tell if it was me going away.

[IdStillRatherBeKnitting]

Sounds like you are sorted now.

I found out that my ex (with have 3 DD's together) had moved to the middle east, got married and had another baby from looking at his facebook (when he 'forgot' to pay maintenance for 6 months).

But then again, I haven't even got a contact number for him, and he hasn't seen his DD's for 5 years . Different situation to you though, but, yes, I'd want to know!

[Ditsy4]

Good.
I think it would be just good manners.
Perhaps it was already booked and the argument about maintenance has made him feel a bit guilty hence not letting on. Not wanting you to know because your right. Unfortunately the ones that suffer are the kids. I hear it all the time...from the kids. Do something fun and free this weekend with your child/ren walk and a picnic( flask of soup re weather) it will help you too.

[blondieblondie]

The reason I was annoyed was because I felt he had gone out of his way not to tell me. He told me he had a stag night so could we swap our Saturday's. All fine. Then yesterday the weekend was mentioned a couple of times for different reasons and he said he wouldn't be in.

We had an argument a few weeks ago about maintenance and I brought up all the weekends away he seems to have, the holidays he uses that could be spent helping me sort childcare for school holidays etc. so it seemed he purposely didn't tell me about this one. And perhaps the way I found out about it did mean I was p off to hear about another one .

Anyway, general speaking, our relationship is amicable and flexible. I'd never attempt to stop him going anywhere or make it difficult, or vice versa and as I said, it would be second nature to me to tell him if I was abroad. But we've discussed and sorted it out now.

Thanks.

[missybct]

My fiancée is going away next week for 4 days. He's got a 6 (nearly 7) year old son who we have every weekend.

Although DF isn't away when we have DSS, he let his ex know he was going away - she has contact with both of us (sometimes she'll contact me, sometimes him) but we felt it was OK to let her know in case DSS wanted to talk to his Dad. He doesn't Skype him as often anymore but DF won't be able to have his phone on as much during this trip, so we told DSS this, and also DSS Mum just in case DSS forgot and couldn't get hold of his Dad.

The split wasn't brilliant and there is definitely tension between the two (my DF and his ex) but it benefits all parties to know where DF is. She's not the kind of person to meddle or create a drama about it, because it's work related.

Normal weekdays and weekends on the other hand can be a different matter - so for that, we don't tell her our plans and she doesn't tell hers. It's nobody's business.

[MangosteenSoda]

I'd tell without a second thought. Just in case they needed to contact me about something minor, they'd know to not to bother. Obviously, in an emergency I'd expect to be contacted by them regardless.

If the children are old enough, they would mention it anyway.

[EarthboundMisfit]

I'd inform my ex in case of an emergency, or if the child wanted to speak to me etc, yes.

[halcyondays]

Yes, why wouldn't you tell them?

[Knotnora]

People get their knickers in such a twist over this stuff

Of course they are under no obligation blah blah blah. But honestly what do they lose by telling you? Nothing, it's a courtesy in case you need to know in an emergency. What difference does it make to them if you know? Why the big secret?

[LitteRedSparkle]

depends on the relationship YOU have with the other parent - if both parties are adults (ie no abuse, game playing etc) then yes, why not (although you still might not want to)- on the other hand if you have an acrimonious split, then no

whats the story OP?

[BillSykesDog]

We have absolutely no idea of the partners reasons for not telling. If a woman posted that she didn't want to tell her partner she was going abroad MN would be full of people falling over themselves to give reasons why she might not want to and even the suggestion that she should be obliged to tell him would probably be described as abuse.

(Not that I am suggesting you are abusing him OP, you sound very sensible and reasonable).

[MangoMoon]

It wouldn't occur to me to not tell my ex, he is the same.

We are amicable though and still a parenting team, all be it apart.

[shovetheholly]

Yes, I absolutely would, but I am not someone who considers my location to be private information. (It's actually available to my friends/family 24/7 thanks to the miracle of modern tech).

[Natsku]

No, I don't tell my ex when I go abroad (and I didn't tell him when I took our child abroad once as he would have called border control to try and stop us going) and I wouldn't expect him to tell me. Wish I could expect him to stay contactable though (puts his phone off for weeks at a time sometimes, which meant I wasn't able to tell him when our child was very ill)

[MLGs]

I think I would mention it just to give emergency contact information.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I would but only because we chat about stuff in general and still talk about stuff like this. He's probably say "Oh we're going to x at the weekend, Didn't you go there once?" and we'd chat about it. He's not telling because I might need to contact him but because we get on iykwim

[RabbitSaysWoof]

I dont get the parent getting ill thing either. Is it supposed to deter the other parent going on holiday, because knowing they are not in the country can't help you if you are ill. One phone call would tell you they can't come and relieve you if that actually happened.
I wouldn't need to know my child's father wasn't in the country, I can't think of an incident where he's presence has been vital right there and then.

[Squiff85]

I think if you don't, you're being deliberately difficult. Surely its easier for everyone to just be open.

(A general you, not YOU OP)

[BoatyMcBoat]

Is your ex planning on taking your child abroad for the long weekend? I'd expect it to be mentioned, as they'd need a passport and if ex hasn't got travel insurance then I'd pay for some myself (for the child).

If ex is away when the child is with you, then I wouldn't expect to be told, but if it were going to impact on my child then it would be a courtesy to tell me. And vice versa.

[sunnyoutside]

Actually, if I am being brutally honest, I would want to tell him because I know it would piss him off. He constantly gripes about having to financially contribute to his son so I know it would piss him off that I could afford to go away. Yes I accept that makes me sound bitter and horrible but that is the stage I am currently at, though I am receiving counselling to get passed this stage!

[sunnyoutside]

I would notify ds's dad if I was abroad for the weekend. Not sure why. Common courtesy? Even logically I realise that doesn't make sense but I just can't imagine veering off the norm and not notifying him.

No idea if he would tell me or not. But then as he never actually does anything or goes anywhere I don't think it will ever come up.

[Cabrinha]

The thing is, my XH is an arsehole and if it weren't for my daughter he would be utterly gone from my life.
I just don't feel that I want him to have any information about me, my life, how and where I spend my time.
We are civil - and he would use the information in any negative way. It's hard to explain because it's a feeling - I just want to limit anything that he knows about me. It's a way of mentally keeping him at a distance - not because of what he would do but because of how I feel.
Obviously, if he actually needs to know for my child's sake, that trumps my feelings.

I mentioned upthread that I travel all the time for work... as it happens he knows which country each time as we use an iCalendar which says "Child with XH, OP in

[Waltermittythesequel]

The being sick argument is invalid though.

If I took sick and I phoned ex, he'd be able to pick up no matter where he is! Then, he could fly home or whatever.

Unless parents should never leave the country on the off chance that the other parent takes ill, that's not really an issue is it?

[wallywobbles]

Why would I give my ex another stick to beat me with?