Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me great things about 'just the two' children?

64 replies

WalkingZed · 24/04/2016 18:31

Everyone round here seems to have three, it's a real thing! Obviously not everyone has three but hopefully you know what I mean.

I've toyed with the idea myself and asked about it in here but I think two might be my limit in many ways.

I love, love, love newborns and I'll always feel that I want a newborn to hold but...

I get so sick in pregnancy, have to take whole first trimester off work and vomit right up to day of c section
I'm 38
I've one boy and one girl
I can't really afford a third, as a family another maternity leave would cripple us
I find pre schoolers tough going, 1 and 3 at the minute and I enjoy going to work for a rest!
Dh is very reluctant

Many compelling reasons to have no more children, but still there is a 'what if..'

So please slap me round the face and tell me good things about sticking with two dc!

OP posts:
debbiedidit · 24/04/2016 18:32

I think this is an incredibly insensitive thread. And why is it in AIBU?

Thebrowntrout · 24/04/2016 18:33

Don't be daft. AIBU is hardly known for its gentle approach.

But yeah, I'd stick with the two, OP.

Paddingtonthebear · 24/04/2016 18:35

Do you want another child? Sounds like you have many legitimate reasons not to have another. Is it because everyone around you has three children?

You need to think if you actually want another, and then the rest. But if your DH is not on board about having more I would
see that as impossible tbh

WordGetsAround · 24/04/2016 18:36

It's not insensitive. You have every right to post is AIBU (or as much right as anyone else posting a non-AIBU!!).

You have to do the right thing for your family. It sounds like you and your DH are happy with 2, so what anyone else is doing is irrelevant!

Cheby · 24/04/2016 18:38

We are about to TTC number 2. And then that will be it. The main reason being money! I want to be able to take them on decent holidays and help them financially at uni. Me going on mat leave alone costs us £11k. That's a Disney trip. I can't justify more than two. Debated sticking at one but I want DD to have a sibling (if we are successful of course).

Purplehonesty · 24/04/2016 18:41

Two can share a room (mine still want to)
Two can be best friends - no third wheel
Two are the same as the number of hands you have
Two can fit in the back seat of most normal cars in car seats
Two can share a hotel room with you comfortably and you can sit one each with an adult on a plane/train
You can have parent/child time easily - one each
Two sets of uni fees are expensive but three....!

Hope that helps, I have two and all of the above it true!

corythatwas · 24/04/2016 18:41

I really wanted a third but there were good reasons not to:

dh had said from the start he was not keen

I had some quite serious health problems in both pregnancies and worse in the second so a third would have been risky

(later it turned out to be lucky that we only had the two, as it turned out I have passed on a genetic disorder to both dc and dd was badly affected needing lots of care, I really couldn't have coped with another little one)

but good things about having just the two:

easy to take about with you, one for each hand

all sorts of different family tickets are for 2 children

money not too tight

they have had to entertain each other and no one is left out

only two birthday parties to organise a year

only two lots of parents evenings (and that was quite enough)

magratsflyawayhair · 24/04/2016 18:48

Two hands, two kids. That's my logic. I can fit two car seats invite car, most family tickets are two adults and two kids, same with package holidays. Assuming you stay in a. Relationship it's one partner per child to help when they have to be in different places.

All these are easily surmountable if you wanted a third though. I just know I want two but really it's none of those reasons, our family just feels complete. If it didn't, none of that list of things above would really and truly prevent us trying for a third.

DancingDinosaur · 24/04/2016 18:52

I always wanted 3 but dh refused. In reality I have no idea how I would have coped with 3, my 2 are challenging enough as it is.

littleducks · 24/04/2016 18:54

I have 3 but think that these are very true:
Two are the same as the number of hands you have
Two can fit in the back seat of most normal cars in car seats
Two can share a hotel room with you comfortably
You can have parent/child time easily - one each

Original poster
WalkingZed · 24/04/2016 18:57

Not going for insensitive!Hmm. Just asking a question to other parents and drawing on their advice and experience!

OP posts:
babybythesea · 24/04/2016 18:58

You're not outnumbered!
You will be able to divide and conquer if necessary, one kid each.
All the other stuff about space in the car, no third wheel.
And it's hard enough co-ordinating after school stuff for two kids. Co-ordinating three would tip me over the edge.

Having said that, I find that some days, two is nowhere near enough. The days when they've played beautifully all day, they're being affectionate, and I think that I'm bloody ace at this parenting thing and I want several more snugly, funny, cute little bundles.
Other days, two is far too many - they've argued all day, broken something (possibly each other)... On those days, I wonder why I had any kids at all because I'm clearly shit at being a mum!
So the answer to "Should I have two or three" is quite clear that it depends on entirely on what sort of day the answerer has had, and what sort of day you plan to have with three!

OnyK · 24/04/2016 19:04

If 2 toddlers are tough going, imagine 3 teenagers!

emsyj · 24/04/2016 19:06

We have 2 DDs. They are great friends, play nicely a lot of the time (also fight some of the time...) They share a room, the younger one has hand-me-downs, the younger one is starting preschool in September and my job will get easier from November so I will be able to go part time then and life will be so much easier and nicer, doing lots of school pick-ups and working less. They both mostly sleep all night. Neither of them gets up early. I can have a shower in the morning and leave them to play. We don't have stair gates any more or a pushchair. We could afford some lovely family holidays now, and they will both get a seat on the plane and we can take one child each if they get tired/difficult etc etc etc. After DD2 I was decided, definite and determined that we were done.

I am now pregnant Blush. I couldn't shake that feeling of wanting just one more.

Sparklingbrook · 24/04/2016 19:06

Two is great. I now have two teens. i spend a considerable amount of time ferrying them around to friends and hobbies. It's really full on. I have two adult sized people and all their belongings in the house, they take up a lot of space.

I have had to go through the school stuff just twice. Even second time around I was a bit 'not this again' so doing it a third lot of stuff like Biff and Chip didn't appeal. Currently doing Orthodontics round 2 and the novelty wore off with that a long time ago....

MattDillonsPants · 24/04/2016 19:07

I have 2 OP and like you wanted another. I'm 42 now...so getting on a bit! I decided not to because like you I couldn;t really afford it and also I didn't want to have one child with a massive age gap. Another baby would mean that just when my two are about to leave home and DH and I would have some freedom, we'd have a ten year old stuck at home with no siblings.

Oysterbabe · 24/04/2016 19:08

Two is a responsible thing to do on this overcrowded planet, replacements for you and DH when you die, no net gain.

Original poster
WalkingZed · 24/04/2016 19:09

These are all very helpful!

babybythesea I think that's very true about depending on the kind of day you've had!

My desire for a third kicks in when the other two are sleeping and strangely NOT when they are screaming, tantruming or fighting!!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 24/04/2016 19:11

I did the primary school run for 11 years in total. I think that's plenty, if i had had a third I would still have been at it.

NuckyT · 24/04/2016 19:11

I think this is an incredibly insensitive thread. - WTF?

Having two is great. Ours are little pals who do everything together, despite the age gap. If we had another we'd have to upscale everything - house, car, childcare.

diddl · 24/04/2016 19:22

Slap!

Two is fine.

You have to stop sometime!

I wanted more than two, but age, money, car size, cost of holidays, size of house...

MattDillonsPants · 24/04/2016 19:23

Get a dog or a cat OP Grin that's what we did and he is now our "baby". He never asks for money or shouts at us either.

Sleepybunny · 24/04/2016 19:24

Devils advocate here,

One child per hand and one is a sling works.
Cars can and do cope with three children on board! Plus it's surprising how little everyone actually travels together.
Kids are expensive, but aside from the short term pain of mat leave, would one more really cost the earth? It's nice to out something away for your children, but no harm came from earning your own money whilst growing up!
Third wheel? Chances are two of them will be mates at one point, that leaves 1 child to entertain. But if the two you have fall out, then you have both kids whining attached to your legs!

Nandocushion · 24/04/2016 19:28

Why on earth is this thread insensitive?

Onlyicanclean10 · 24/04/2016 19:32

Insensitive why? How?

Op we had 4. Our ds is happy with 1.

Totally your choice.