Tell me great things about 'just the two' children?

[WalkingZed]

Everyone round here seems to have three, it's a real thing! Obviously not everyone has three but hopefully you know what I mean.

I've toyed with the idea myself and asked about it in here but I think two might be my limit in many ways.

I love, love, love newborns and I'll always feel that I want a newborn to hold but...

I get so sick in pregnancy, have to take whole first trimester off work and vomit right up to day of c section
I'm 38
I've one boy and one girl
I can't really afford a third, as a family another maternity leave would cripple us
I find pre schoolers tough going, 1 and 3 at the minute and I enjoy going to work for a rest!
Dh is very reluctant

Many compelling reasons to have no more children, but still there is a 'what if..'

So please slap me round the face and tell me good things about sticking with two dc!

Oh emsyj - your first paragraph could be me! Though I didn't feel "done" after dd2 was born. In fact I kept pestering DH for the first 12mths of her life about whether we should have another. He was as dd2 has been tough going and I didn't want another baby as such but just could not shake the feeling that that was it and that we'd finished the whole pregnancy/newborn thing.

I'm now 99% sure I'm done. I'm 36, getting my career back on track and finally dd2 (almost 2yrs) is sleeping through and I feel I can see the light in that life is getting slightly easier again. I don't want to go back to the hormonal haze of having a newborn. I loved maternity leave first time, but second time I think I verged on PND. More than anything, I actually don't think I'm a good enough parent to juggle another child's emotional well-being. I would love to be and perhaps if I had more confidence in this area I'd be debating a third more aside from the fact that DH says no

But our two DDs are wonderful. I feel truly blessed to have them and in a if it isn't broke don't fix it kind of way, I think we are happy with our lot.

I have 3. I would never ever change that but the theory that it is 'just one more' and that you're already used to dividing your time is rubbish. Yes…it's not that bad when number 3 is a baby but…

The car thing. Mine are close together. I'm a single mum. We travel together ALWAYS. No-one can give your lot a lift home from school as there are just too many.
The expense. 50 quid for shoes versus nearly 90. For just their school shoes, for a term or two…then football boots, trainers, astroturf, ballet shoes, walking boots, wellies, sandals…and that's just the shoes...
Things that might have done 2 kids are a bit worn out by 3. Eventually kids want their own stuff not hand me downs.
Schools, especially if you move. I have 3 primary school kids at 2 schools. In just over a year it will be 3 children, at 3 schools, AND ALL OF THEM WILL HAVE DIFFERENT HOLIDAYS!!

3rd child was permanently lost from when she could walk (10months) onwards. I introduce myself to the lost children tent at any event/festival now.
You are guaranteed to get 3 different party invites to 3 different parties on the same day, probably in different towns, guaranteed to be all at the same time. Weekends often turn into a logistical nightmare. Don't even get me started on drama/sports clubs.
Bedrooms. 3 bed houses are standard. 4 beds are more difficult to get, expensive etc. And eventually there will be arguments about who gets their own room and why it is not fair.

The washing. Again, ok when it is babygros. Not ok when it's hoodies.
Your pelvic floor.

Your relationship with your other half.

Your career (I have waved goodbye to this and the two above).

But…my 3 are great and I love them to bits and they love each other. I love my 3, but maybe my life would have been different with 2. Or maybe it wouldn't. Whatever you choose, and whatever happens is always going to work, somehow. I'd say given what you've said though- finding little ones hard, the financial implications, that you could retain your sanity and your happy marriage by sticking with the two.

We originally planned to have 5 but stopped at 3. Reason being the reality of looking after our 3. Personally I found the jump between 2 and 3 to be far, far bigger than than the jump in effort between 1 and 2 kids.
Finally your kids are tinies at the minute. I haven't found a better way to put this so here I go...if they have special needs, you won't know yet. Our DD1 is mid teens physically and toddler mentally. She still wets the bed. At 1 she appeared to be developing perfectly normally. Our DS only really showed his Aspergers at 7/8.
You find them enough and dreams are wonderful but sometimes you have to let dreams go!

OP didn't you start a thread yesterday asking people how old they were when they had their third child and seemed to be looking for happy stories from people who have 3 DCs. You seem a bit conflicted.

shoes is not just poor maths…when they are little shoes are cheaper…that's just an example of how my own bills actually increased when bigger ones started school and little one started wearing shoes

I have three! Obviously I adore them but it's not for the faint hearted and life would definitely be easier with two.

Mine are 5.0, 3.0 and 6 months.

I love it though and would like to have a fourth.

We've got two and won't have any more because :

Don't want to contribute to overpopulation
finances (including the fact that we don't have space in our house or car)
age - we're late 30s
We are knackered enough with two kids!

I'm not having a third as that would make 33.3% more driving me batshit crazy.

I have two and they bicker like nothing on earth. There's no way I'm adding a third voice to that.

I can manage to give both some 1 on 1 time but I can't see how that's happen with 3.

Financially I can afford 2 - there's enough money for treats and extras. That wouldn't be the case if I had 3.

There's only TWO of the bastards!!!!

Id love to conceive a 2nd... Let alone a 3rd. Sigh. Basically my thoughts are you're really lucky to have what you already have.... But human nature is to always want what you haven't got. Probably not helpful but just speaking my mind. #sorrynotsorry

Haha fatflaps my feelings of being 'done' started to fog and fade away when DD2 was about 2.5!!! Once she turned 3 I was desperate for another. It's hard to be logical when your biological urges are strong... DH has said what if I still feel like this after no.3, but given that I will be 37 when this one arrives I am pretty confident I will feel that the family is complete for good this time. I certainly don't have the energy for 4.

danger totally conflicted!

Hence the 'asking strangers in the Internet' rather than deciding one way or other!

Personally I found the jump between 2 and 3 to be far, far bigger than than the jump in effort between 1 and 2 kids

I agree, I have 3 and the jump was massive, although I can't quite put my finger on why.

Now they are older (2 teens and a tween), you are constantly trying to work out how to get everyone to where they need to be. Cricket, football, matches, after school clubs, scouts, it can be really tough!

And then there's the arguing, oh god, the arguing ! They constantly bicker. When you have two kids, A argues with B. But when you have three, A argues with B, B argues with C, C argues with A. So one more child triples the amount of arguing.

I do love them really, though !

I love this thread. OP I could have written a lot of your post.

I love love what dangermouseisace wrote above. I think I might copy this and stick it on a wall. Especially the bit about pelvic floor 😳!!

I wanted 3 after having ds2. Would have been quite happy with a third boy (William, but Grace if it's a girl). Dh is dead set against and I know he's right.

I think I have to acknowledge that I'm just not a good enough parent to have 3 dc and raise them well. I am impatient and get tired, shout at the kids. Wish I was at work more!

My lovely friend with 3 dc has made plenty of dark comments to warn me off. She's a bit of a supermum (IMO). She's certainly given me food for thought.

Main things that motivate me is body back to normal, don't want to put myself through pregnancy again, finances, especially uni and holidays but also house; big big motivator is that when ds2 is out of his napping in the morning phase we've got a few years that we can do some really good child friendly family activities which are great for older dc and nightmare with a young'un. I don't want ds1 to miss out on a fun childhood as he always has to be a good big brother. 3 would drive me demented. My 2 are very energetic 2yo and 5yo.

Much as I want to have 3 adult children I can't see that I could put in the graft to get there.

If I won the lottery I'd be ttc DC3 as soon as my period returns (DC2 is 11wo). But the lifestyle changes would just be too massively negative otherwise. We wouldn't fit a third in our current house, we'd have to move. We can't afford a bigger house in our current lovely area and especially not if we had the expense of a third DC. Work and childcare vs SAHM would be a fraught negotiation of money and sanity. I already feel intensely guilty when both are upset and I can only soothe one at a time.

And finally: DC3 MIGHT BE TWINS. Now that would be terrifying.

I have three.

Two is just fine. ;)

3rd was very hard for me. Much bigger jump than 1 to 2. I found much harder to manage when out and about with three. Activities like swimming together are out for quite a while. My marriage suffered greatly with extra stress. All mine were under 5 so probably more stressful

This thread is brilliant, and just what I needed. I'm sitting here snuggling 11wo dc2 and thinking that he's not really a newborn anymore, and how sad, and we should definitely have a 3rd.

In reality though, we shouldn't.

I keep thinking that both my babies (eldest is 2) are so bloody wonderful, and a 3rd would be too, and if I had them I'd love them just as much etc. But where does it end?

I'd adore any baby I was lucky enough to have, be it 2 or 10.

2 get the best of me in terms of time, attention and energy. God knows how we'll pay for university even for 2, but we'll cross that bridge. My lovely 2 are enough.

Another consideration is childcare, my parents and in laws help us out so we can work (do 2 days each a month) and socialise, it would be unfair to ask them to do another 4/5 years, plus the childcare fees for nursery and another maternity leave would be financially crippling.

I have a boy and a girl and it's perfect for us. When we were first married we wanted 6 kids but we couldn't have any and eventually adopted our 2.
I can't even begin to imagine having 6 kids. I'm delighted we just have 2. There are loads of benefits

Activities like swimming together are out for quite a while.
Forgot about this! Anything where you risk one dying if you aren't watching them all the time is out the window until the eldest is old enough to have a bit of wit.
For example: "No, the boogie board isn't enough, you'll need to borrow some armbands!"
Several hours and one summer camp lifeguard rescue later...
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!"

I would point out he was under non-parental responsibility. We love him but he has the common sense of a concussed lemming. Oddly his group leader watched him much harderdidn't believe a word he said about his own abilities the rest of the holiday!

Two was perfect for me!
One of each
They are less than 2 years apart and still very close at 23 and nearly 25

Another one grateful for this thread. Currently have 2, but wonder a lot about a 3rd. Think I'll always wonder "what if" but that I'll be a better Mum to 2 than to 3, and enjoy the other aspects of my life more too (and have more time and energy for the other aspects). Plus I have very sick and anxious pregnancies. I'd have a job convincing my OH too I think. Interestingly he is from a big family but doesn't want to replicate that, in fact had I wanted to stick with 1 he'd have been ok with it.

Like a PP said, I like the idea of 3 adult children but not the work to get there!

And with mine being 1 and 4 at the moment I realise the 4yo misses out on a lot if activities because I can't do them with the 1yo around too. Having a 3rd would put doing a lot of fun things back even more/forever.

Sod having a third. Sleep deprivation was and never will be my friend. I do get the odd twinge when I see a newborn, mind.