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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I wasn't being too strict

39 replies

ticktocktime2rock · 02/04/2016 14:45

While shopping my 3 year old kept standing up in the trolley. I asked him to sit down and he refused so I gave him the option of sitting in the trolley or getting out and walking. At this DP walked off. I stuck it out and got DS out of the trolley where he started a tantrum. I asked dp to come back which he did but in a mood and just picked DS up to carry him. I've told him I felt unsupported (he always seems to give in to tantrums) and he's said I'm far too strict.

OP posts:
Afreshstartplease · 02/04/2016 14:46

Yanbu

And not too strict

Your ds could have hurt himself

PresidentCJCregg · 02/04/2016 14:48

That's exactly what I do: sit nicely or walk.

Primaryteach87 · 02/04/2016 14:49

No I agree with you. Giving in just massively prolongs the tantruming years...

CheeseAndOnionWalkers · 02/04/2016 14:49

Your h is storing problems for the future by giving in.

I think you did the right thing. Trolleys tipping over is one of those accidents that I hope to never witness.

Jengnr · 02/04/2016 14:50

What the fuck else are you supposed to do?

SmallBee · 02/04/2016 14:50

YANBU that's exactly what I do all the time.
What was your DH's suggestion of how to handle it?

gamerchick · 02/04/2016 14:50

Standing up in the seat? Then no its dangerous and you were right.

SeaCabbage · 02/04/2016 14:52

Definitely have a calm talk with him about this, one evening away from the children and stressful situations. Or it will go on for years.

Does your DP honestly think that parents should let the child have his own way and that they should give in to tantrums? In any situtation, let alone this one where it was dangerous?

If so, is he not very clever?!

I hope you can have a good talk about joint parenting and that he can see sense. How was he brought up?

StitchesInTime · 02/04/2016 14:56

No, not too strict. It's not safe to stand in trolleys. It's perfectly reasonable to tell a child that if they won't sit nicely, they can't stay in the trolley. And to follow through on that.

KoalaDownUnder · 02/04/2016 14:57

YANBU.

Your DP, however, is.

Original poster
ticktocktime2rock · 02/04/2016 14:58

Standing up in the trolley bit rather than the seat. DP thinks he should just be allowed to stand up if he holds on. I'm probably a bit anxious about a lot of things but I think you need to have some boundaries whereas DP just wants him to "be happy".

OP posts:
incywincybitofa · 02/04/2016 14:58

Is that why he thinks you are too strict or has there been other stuff
If it is because you insisted he sit in the trolley then YANBU if your DH thinks there are other things then I can't comment

Strict parents are in control- maybe overly so, but in control, you called your DH back to help, so that doesn't suggest control, and to be honest your DS was probably playing that a bit, but it also sounds like you aren't strict.

As an aside am I the only parent that puts their 3 year old in the trolley when she is messing about not when she is being good?

gamerchick · 02/04/2016 15:04

He shouldn't be in the body of it, not only have bairns been seriously hurt when they tip over, other people have to put their food in there. Confused

StitchesInTime · 02/04/2016 15:04

DP just wants him to "be happy"

How happy would your DS be if the trolley tipped over with him in it because he'd been standing up?
Maybe ask your DP to think about that if he thinks your trolley policy is "too strict".

Trolley's aren't designed for children to stand in them. They're not stable enough for that to be safe even if the child is holding on.

Original poster
ticktocktime2rock · 02/04/2016 15:14

incy Dp thinks there's other things but it's holding hands in a car park even if no other cars are around or not letting him run too far ahead of us or not running with food in his mouth. Ds definitely prefers being with his dad if we're both around and it can hurt when he tells me to go away.

OP posts:
missbishi · 02/04/2016 15:22

YANBU. It seems like, although DP says he wants him to be "happy", he just wants an easy life and can't be arsed parenting. He needs to realise that the rules are primarily for DS's safety. Tell him you don't want there to be an occasion where he thinks there are no cars around...

Amy214 · 02/04/2016 15:22

Yanbu a 3 year old is capable of walking i always tell my daughter she needs to behave or we will just go straight home. She has too walk she is far too heavy for me to carry and shes fine with it if i turn the walking into a race to the next lamp post.

KayTee87 · 02/04/2016 15:29

Yanbu but children shouldn't be in the body of the trolly anyway. Dirty shoes where I have to put my shopping that is then transferred to my fridge or kitchen counters. Yuck

incywincybitofa · 02/04/2016 15:32

You see you can't mix car park rules in my experience, it leads to trouble, so I am with you on that and the running with food in their mouths, my message to the kids is always "only animals eat on the run" How is that for strict!

It sounds like your clashes are over safety?
Does he think you are over cautious or over strict?

I don't think you are over strict, but you can't ask him to intervene because your son will play that like a piano.
I know at the start when they say they hate you -and they are so little and cute and dependable it breaks your heart, by the time they get to six it's water off a ducks back 99% of the time because you know he doesn't hate you and you are his world

YANBU he is only 3
Your DH is unreasonable- not for having an opinion on what is too strict but on not supporting you when you are all together

RubbleBubble00 · 02/04/2016 15:34

Er until dc falls out of trolley and splits head open - yanbu

Brightnorthernlights · 02/04/2016 15:34

Why is he in the body of the trolly and not the seat?

MrsJayy · 02/04/2016 15:38

Yanbu or to strict standing up on trolleys is dangerous and just silly behaviour you get your son an option of sitting or getting out you took him out good for you his dad sounds a bit feeble in setting boundries it would drive me nuts

Feelingworriednow · 02/04/2016 15:38

I have watched a trolley tip over caused by a child standing up in it. He was holding on but reached for something on a shelf. The trolley rolled, he grabbed the side, leaning over it, and the whole thing went over.
The "pop" as his head cracked on the floor is one I haven't forgotten, as I'm sure his parents haven't forgotten the trip to A&E that was required.
You were NOT being unreasonable!

MrsJayy · 02/04/2016 15:41

Oh that gave me the heebie geebies feelingworriednow

AnnaMarlowe · 02/04/2016 15:43

You were right your DP is wrong - and you need to sort this out right now.

You both need to consistent, it's confusing for the child otherwise.

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