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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find this off putting in potential man?

33 replies

Fanfeck · 15/03/2016 22:46

I'm prepared to be flamed!

I've started to dabble in the world of Internet dating and I've been chatting to this guy who ticks every box though he's a couple of years younger than me (24), he's really keen to meet up but this one ridiculous little thing puts me off a little (not why I haven't met him yet by the way)

Every single time I'm talking to him he's eating take away, chipper, McDonald's, kfc, ordering pizza, drive through.
I don't know why it puts me off, not so much the "greed" but just the shite it is and the fact he doesn't cook (but then I'm not a great cook either AND he has a better body than me!) So I'm not really sure why!

It's not a huge issue but I'd be interested to see am I alone in finding this off putting?

OP posts:

sonlypuppyfat · 15/03/2016 22:48

Perhaps he's looking for a little woman to look after him!

caitlinohara · 15/03/2016 22:49

It's not something I would find attractive, but I wouldn't let it stop me meeting him if he seems ok otherwise

zodiackelly · 15/03/2016 22:51

Maybe he's looking for his own chef hope you're a good cook!

It does represent somewhat childish/careless behaviour and he's not that into looking after himself from the sounds of it. But it depends what else he has to offer, if he ticks every box then I would look over the takeaways and give him a chance.

Original poster

Fanfeck · 15/03/2016 22:54

Oh also he's 24, not me! If he was 21 or 22 I'd get it a bit more but I had DD and my own home by 24 so it seems a bit mad to me!

Such a silly little niggle really but it's like clockwork every day some new rubbishy food place!

OP posts:

ouryve · 15/03/2016 22:56

It would put me off.

His farts would probably be even worse than mine, for a start!

Penguinepenguins · 15/03/2016 23:06

Sounds like he just can't cook... DP loves posh food has always taken me to wonderful restaurants and still takes me on dates now but if I let him he would live on takeaways... Or microwave rice :) just can't cook :)

I'd give him a chance it's only a date, if he takes you to KFC then there won't be a second one I guess - I think you just have to give it a try - I always found dating painful but I eventually had a word with myself and went right out there and did it as I knew I wouldn't find Mr Right sitting at home watching TV with the cat... And you can always leave at any point if they turn out not to be for you!

Good luck OP!!

Gobbolino6 · 15/03/2016 23:12

Meh, my DH was like this until we got married. To be fair, he lived in the US where it is cheaper to buy takeaway. And I lived off lettuce, Galaxy bars and Marlboro Lights, so I had no real room to talk.

We're now good cooks and take care of ourselves..it just happened naturally once we moved in together rather than living with friends.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 15/03/2016 23:14

I wouldn't write him off because of it. My DP is an excellent cook and actually used to work as a chef, however, he rarely cooks for just himself. When he has his DDs he will either go out to eat, get takeaway or sometimes buy just what he needs for that meal. He doesn't do a weekly shop as his schedule is a bit erratic and he'd just end up wasting food.

When I'm home alone I don't cook for myself either, it doesn't feel worth it for just one person. If you get together and eating well is important for you I'm sure he'll step up and if he's not already a natural cook he can learn.

notmyproblem · 15/03/2016 23:28

He might have a great body eating that shite at 24 but in 10 years he won't. Want to be married to him then?

Personally I would also find it off-putting. Life's too short, if you don't like something about someone on an internet dating site, just leave it and move on. No sense forcing yourself to talk down a gut feeling you have about someone. Loads of other guys out there. Don't waste your time on one that puts you off before you've even started dating him for real.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 15/03/2016 23:32

How do you know he's got a great body......?

Qwebec · 16/03/2016 00:02

When I met Dp his fridge was empty besides a jar of mustard and three beers forgotten by some friends. He was a good cook (and became amazing over the years) he just does not like to cook for himself and having no one to share the food with.
Don't juge, he might also just lack experience and be willing to learn. Just make sure you are not the only one who cooks.

TamzinGrey · 16/03/2016 00:24

I was shocked when I looked in future DH's fridge the first time I visited his flat. Cheese, branson pickle and beer. Nothing else. He was living on takeaways and fried breakfasts from nasty greasy spoon cafes.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and he was cooking fabulous meals for me. He loved cooking, but needed to have someone to cook for, and couldn't be bothered when he was on his own.

Lanark2 · 16/03/2016 00:30

Its well chav

Bogeyface · 16/03/2016 00:48

DS is 24 (and OLD, wondering if its him!) and he works really funny hours so when he gets back late from work he will often eat junk. He can cook, but he has a physical disability that tires him out more than people without his condition, so he is far more tired after work than you or I would be.

When he isnt at work he will cook a proper meal, he loves veg and will often ring me saying "I have got X, Y and Z, what can I cook with that?!". When he was working office hours, he ate a lot better and is looking for a new job so hopefully it will get back to that.

Judge not lest ye be judged....

Bogeyface · 16/03/2016 00:53

Its well chav

Well there's an informed opinion

OP, a PP mentioned it not being worth cooking for one, and I have experienced this. The sheer fucking faff involved! I cook for 7 on a daily basis, and there have been a couple of times when the kids were with their dad and I was alone that I realised it was just as much work for 1 as for everyone. So I did usually eat crap on those days.

You do it because you have a child, same as I did when it was just me and DC1, but without another person there to make it "worth it", I can see why he doesnt bother.

Awholelottanosy · 16/03/2016 01:02

I once had a boyfriend who was 27, I was a few years older. We had a conversation about what would you do if you only had a week to live? He said in all seriousness he'd go and eat in all the different fast food restaurants! That was the point I realised he wasn't the man for me...

LeaLeander · 16/03/2016 01:08

Disgusting and rude. There is no excuse for eating while on the telephone. Can you imagine how piggish his manners would become AFTER he started taking you for granted?

Whether or not he "can cook" there are plenty of non-greasy alternatives in the average market, from salads and fruit to basic good breads, cheese and cold meats. Running to a commercial fast-food outlet every day shows a dearth of imagination if nothing else.

I think he's probably too immature for you.

HicDraconis · 16/03/2016 01:43

DH was like this when I first met him (online). He worked full time, long hours, didn't really have much of a clue about cooking and would usually get lunch at work then shove something pre-prepared in the oven when he got home (pizza, pies, ready meals etc). Occasionally if he hadn't had time to go shopping he'd stop by some fast food drive through on the way home.

Nothing to do with laziness, more to do with not being bothered cooking for himself and not really knowing how to. Our first meal I cooked a pork roast with apple and onion stuffing and he was hooked ;) now he cooks some nights, I cook some nights, we get takeaway once a month or so if that. He still shoves a pizza in the oven occasionally - but now it's one with home made dough base and home made tomato sauce.

Don't let it put you off him! Cooking is a skill that can be learned and enjoyed and it's far more fun if you're doing it with someone else.

Klaptout · 16/03/2016 02:17

I'm not sure I would find it off putting, if my kids aren't here I really have little interest in cooking for one, if a had someone else to share the cooking
washing up then I would invest the time in the pursuit of domesticated stuff.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 16/03/2016 02:39

I dunno. I wouldn't cook, given the choice and amazing body

If he takes you to KFC on a date, and only fast food as a date, then yes, I'd be put off.

ToastedOrFresh · 16/03/2016 02:39

I don't want to be dramatic but some people really can get addicted to junk food.

If you meet up with him and if you want to see him regularly see if his mood alters because he hasn't had his junk food fix. Also, it will be interesting to see whether he relaxes more when he's walking past fast food places even when he's not hungry.

Sorry but he may have the eating habits of a child. That means he will not want to do grown up things like eat in restaurants. As for going on holiday to anywhere without a fast food joint ? Forget it.

I know someone who eats kebabs most evenings. He gets by on sweets and biscuits all day before getting his evening takeaway. He does this every single day. OK he's slim to the point of slight, but, really ? (He's not that confident using a knife and for either. Yes, really.)

I saw a t.v. programme last night about overweight people cooking their own food but using their take away food budget. It was quite telling that one of them was eating their stir fry veg meal with a spoon, i.e. did not know how to use a knife and fork.

mathanxiety · 16/03/2016 03:54

It might put me off for all the reasons others have mentioned -- could he manage a knife and fork? Is he waiting for someone else to cook properly for him?

However, I also agree with Bogeyface that cooking for one after a long day at work is not as exciting a prospect as you might think it is. I had to get very strict with myself when the DDs were off on visitation weekends, and made myself cook something healthy.

It wouldn't be the make or break factor.

1frenchfoodie · 16/03/2016 04:36

I'd find it offputting but not an immediate deal breaker, he may mot see cooking for one as worth it or have many kitchen skills yet. . I dated somebody for a while who had had his sister come and help him make an Old El Paso enchillada kit the first time he cooked for me who a few months down the line developed a love of cooking. Having said this I did break off a different long term relationship as he insisted on taking me to a Harvester for my birthday.

woody2976 · 16/03/2016 04:59

here's a thought. meet up with him then make a decision!

Original poster

Fanfeck · 16/03/2016 09:46

It's definitely not a complete deal breaker and I know from chatting that our first date wouldn't be McDonald's but he does seem set on a foody date, despite my other ideas!

He's good mad, which in itself doesn't bother me too much just that it's all such muck! My ex was the same, and had an equally lovely body (in this guys case I only know from fully clothed pics btw) but over time like others have said, he got a love of cooking.

This guy used to be fairly overweight but he's been training for a new job where fitness is important.

He doesn't eat in the phone to me, that would be a deal breaker in my eyes! But I mean he's always texting to say food is on the way or on the phone he'll be heading out to collect food etc.

I suppose aside from the oddity of it, it also worries me that if we did get together I would pick up his bad habits rather than he'd pick up my average habits!

OP posts:

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