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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a selfish cow?

42 replies

lo0ol · 05/03/2016 22:02

Name changed as feel as though I might be and its a little petty/embarrassing... I'm also 5 months pregnant and feel a little hormonal.

So, I cook every night for DP, do all the laundry and lions share of the cleaning.

Every Saturday night we have a takeaway from the same place we both love. We have to collect as they don't deliver.

This week he said he didn't feel like going out (it's literally 2 minutes drive) and said let's order a pizza. I don't really like takeaway pizza. I'm in my pjs as been feeling a bit rough and tired. He orders and I bloody go hungry as no food in the house (big shop tomorrow).offers me slice of cold meat feast

Gets to 8:30, I'm hungry and hormonal. I get dressed and drive to get usual takeaway. Get home and tell him he's selfish got not driving to get one earlier when I spend hours cooking for him every week.

Row erupts. I'm now upstairs alone Sad

OP posts:
TimeToMuskUp · 05/03/2016 22:05

I think (at the risk of being a tiny bit rude) YABU. You can't honestly want to eat the same thing every single week without change? Surely he's entitled to something different?

However, he could have easily popped to pick you something up while he fetched the pizza, so he's a tiny bit U too.

Also, stop cooking so often for him and doing all the housework. He's about to become a father, he can step up and do more for himself in readiness for the baby's arrival.

WorraLiberty · 05/03/2016 22:19

So, I cook every night for DP, do all the laundry and lions share of the cleaning.

Why though? Do you both work?

I'm torn on this really because everyone fancies a change now and then.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/03/2016 22:22

Time I think the pizza was delivered.

OP is there no middle ground between pizza that you don't want and a takeaway that doesn't deliver? Could you not have agreed to something else that could be delivered, or offered to go get the specific takeaway yourself if you wanted it more and neither of you wanted to go?

I think you've been a bit of a martyr, really.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 05/03/2016 22:24

I think you are being a tiny bit unreasonable, but that is probably due to the pregnancy hormones. He should have at least made sure there was something you wanted to eat though, whether that was in the house or another delivery.
The housework/cooking split sounds more of a problem, assuming you both work then that needs addressing.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 05/03/2016 22:27

Yabu. I hate to say so but you are.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/03/2016 22:43

Yabu. If you wanted the food collection only, and he was happy with delivery, it should have Ben you to go and get it.

The hw stuff is sort of irrelevant (though why doesn't he?) unless you have a rule that says you do the laundry, and I'll go and collect all takeaways.

DoreenLethal · 05/03/2016 22:46

You are dead right - use this as a catalyst to stop cooking and cleaning for him all week.

Wolfiefan · 05/03/2016 22:47

Why didn't you explain before he ordered that you really didn't want that?
Why do you sulk until 8:30 before flouncing off to get takeaway?
It's the hormones. I hope!

Wolfiefan · 05/03/2016 22:47

And yes do you both work?

BackInTheRealWorld · 05/03/2016 22:48

So you were both too tired to go out and get takeaway but the fact he was too tired to go made you angry enough that you went anyway? So you weren't as tired as you first thought then? Sounds like problem sorted! And you both got to eat what you both wanted. Bonus.
Glad it worked out.

Maudd · 05/03/2016 22:49

You're not being selfish at all, your DP is! He knows he pops out every Saturday for the takeaway, but suddenly decides he can't be bothered so orders a pizza, knowing you don't like it and also that there's no other food in the house for you to eat? It'd be different if he'd given you a bit of warning, so you could arrange something else for yourself.

HackerFucker22 · 05/03/2016 22:56

You had absolutely nothing in the house you could eat?

Why didn't you say something when he mentioned ordering pizza?

Sorry yabu

WorraLiberty · 05/03/2016 22:57

How is he being selfish?

The takeaway is what...a 10 or 15 minute walk away and the OP has the luxury of a car to drive the 2 minute drive to pick it up.

First world problem springs to mind.

ollieplimsoles · 05/03/2016 23:01

I don't think yabu op!

I'm sorry but its your Saturday night too, why couldn't he drive to the takeaway two mins away to pick up a meal for his pregnant partner?!

ChubbyPolecat · 05/03/2016 23:02

No he's a selfish arse it wouldn't kill him to have gone out for 2 minutes considering how much you do for him

pictish · 05/03/2016 23:03

I would have said "Ok you get a pizza if you like, I'll go and get myself the usual."
I wouldn't have sat there not eating anything to make a point before going to get myself some food.

He's allowed one night off from the weekly arrangement isn't he? You're an independent functioning person after all...hardly at his mercy.

I see where you're coming from but I still think yab a bit u. Sorry.

Katarzyna79 · 05/03/2016 23:10

I'm pregnant I side with OP entirely. I'm almost 31 weeks pregnant I have some shitty arthritic or auto immune problem Drs still don't know. Point is I do all the domestics everything yet am I the only one who makes everything dirty? I provide all meals everyday. today I was limping this is normal used to happen to my mum only way to avoid it is less hrs on my feet but that will never happen. I only asked my husband to load dishes 2 nights so far just after dinner for 2 adults the rest was put away but he's pissed off coz I asked that much of him? Today I vacummed this big old house upstairs and downstairs, cleaned 4 bathrooms alone that I don't use on my bloody own, cleaned cooker, waited on guests whilst he mingled like he was a guest himself.

I get severe nausea and heartburn if I don't eat on time whilst pregnant,as I'm sure you do too OP. people saying aww these women are just hormonal and cuckoo basically doesn't help. men complain when they have the slightest cold its like theyre dying. we carry babies for nearly a year and do all the shitty domestics regardless (without moaning), asking for 1 takeaway once a week 2 mins in car isn't asking much at all. He was selfish, sounds just like my husband and all the other men I know ie my brothers, my friends husbands.

how could he sit there and eat when his partner is famished and doesn't want crappy pizza, I don't like takeaway pizza either.

I also have one takeaway I love and will eat every week lovely thai food. so yes he was being unreasonable selfish ungrateful man!

WorraLiberty · 05/03/2016 23:14

If some people on this thread are doing far more than their fair share of housework, that is a problem in itself and needs sorting out.

However, it has nothing to do with expecting someone else to pick up your takeaway when they're not actually going out anyway.

It's a 2 minute drive. Not a half marathon.

Katarzyna79 · 05/03/2016 23:15

no pictish hes not allowed no nights off unless she gets a night off from doing all the domestics she does like a skivvy.

I don't ask my husband to get me takeaways no more because when he does he acts like hes done the most honourable deed ever and I should kiss his feet, course he wont say as much but acts like an ass. I order online or I make something special just for myself he can smell it but he wont get a portion. selfish people need to have a taste of their own medicine see if they enjoy it?

StrictlyMumDancing · 05/03/2016 23:20

YABU but...

Who the hell sits there necking a takeout and lets their other half - who you know doesn't like it - go hungry? By all means deviate from the plan but make sure the other half of the arrangement is catered for, literally!

pictish · 05/03/2016 23:24

Did he lock her in?

Fatmomma99 · 05/03/2016 23:29

I'm with OP, (and not pregnant myself). You're pregnant, and sometimes (like on a Saturday night) it would be a bit nice if DH cherished you a little bit, because it's all going to be very different once baby is born.

Isn't all the pregnancy advice to put your feet up when you can and relax?

DH could have facilitated this. It's not a LTB scenario, but he could have stepped up a little bit more.

I don't think it's just hormonal. He could have been kinder/less selfish and wasn't. Shame!

TendonQueen · 05/03/2016 23:29

Why is everyone so down on OP when on any other thread about takeaway, it's agreed that it's wrong to change an established ordering pattern without the other person agreeing? He wasn't very nice. Is that typical?

WorraLiberty · 05/03/2016 23:44

Wrong to change an 'established ordering pattern'?

So if my DH wanted Chinese every single week in and week out, I'm supposed to suffer it?

Now that really would be selfish.

Vintage45 · 05/03/2016 23:46

So you do the lion share of everything, setting yourself up there then aren't you. All chores should be shared.

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