Am I being a selfish cow?

[lo0ol]

Name changed as feel as though I might be and its a little petty/embarrassing... I'm also 5 months pregnant and feel a little hormonal.

So, I cook every night for DP, do all the laundry and lions share of the cleaning.

Every Saturday night we have a takeaway from the same place we both love. We have to collect as they don't deliver.

This week he said he didn't feel like going out (it's literally 2 minutes drive) and said let's order a pizza. I don't really like takeaway pizza. I'm in my pjs as been feeling a bit rough and tired. He orders and I bloody go hungry as no food in the house (big shop tomorrow).offers me slice of cold meat feast

Gets to 8:30, I'm hungry and hormonal. I get dressed and drive to get usual takeaway. Get home and tell him he's selfish got not driving to get one earlier when I spend hours cooking for him every week.

Row erupts. I'm now upstairs alone

YABU to do laundry, cleaning and cooking for a fully functioning adult unless there is a massive backstory like he has an oven phobia.

In this situation Yabu. He didn't want to go out. He is entitled to not want to go out.

Unless your pregnancy is causing issues where you can't drive. You could have gone earlier.

He wanted a change and fancied a pizza. Which he is entitled to do.

The housework division is another problem. Why do you do it all? Do you both work? Does he work a lot of hours etc.

But I can't agree that he should have to have what you want because you are pg or because you do most of the housework. It's two separate issues.

established ordering pattern so people must have the same thing every week, even if they fancy something else?

If my DH ordered something I don't like, I'd cook myself something else. Can't believe your fridge is so empty you literally have nothing to eat. Sitting there lke all insulted is childish.

Yabu to insist on the same takeaway and cause such a fuss about the minor inconvenience of getting it.

Yabu to be in a set up with such disproportionate contributions to the household. Sort it out asap!

Deal with the domestic work imbalance now or it will be worse when DC arrives (am assuming it's your first DC).

If you were not pregnant I would say yabu but as pregnant your dp should be looking after you so yanbu

I don't have takeaway that often but I should think that it should be agreed upon by both parties. With the internet, there is no need not to compromise.

I also couldn't order and eat something while my other half had nothing. Doesn't seem nice.

And yes, stop doing everything - that way exhaustion and resentment lies.

Yanbu

But I'd look at it like this. I provide food for you the other 5 days (stop doing that if it's too much by the way) so he provides the dinner Saturday.

But this needs to be clear.

The problem isn't the takeaway the problem is your doing the lions share then feeling like you should be rewarded with your choice of takeaway. If you do the shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry, or most of it, no one else understands it's a chore it seems to happen by magic and its human nature to take it for granted. Stop being a martyr, do your fair share and only your fair share then order whatever takeaway you want. You need to address this now because in five or ten years, you will have even more to do it and even less thanks.

YABU and a martyr.

What is this bollocks about established ordering pattern?

We'll have woken up feeling a bit less tearful and a bit less of a martyr....

Feel a bit silly, we've both apologised....

Thank you for the posts, all valid points

Love a nice resolution.

But please listen about sorting the division of labour. If you do really do it all (I say really because if I am feeling that way out I often think I do it all when I don't ) and there is no reason other than he can't be arsed. You will end feeling resentful.

Glad it's sorted though

I don't know if you are U about the takeaway but why on EARTH are you running round him like a skivvy???

That's got to change.

I just hope you sort out the domestic chores situation OP. No time like the present. Did he apologise for not contributing to the housework?

You need tins of beans and spaghetti hoops in the cupboard and a loaf, oven chips and fish fingers in the freezer. Oh and crisps and chocolate. No need for cooking and angst on a Saturday night.

My lot were organising takeaway for Mothers Day last night. By the time I had nagged them to get on with it for an hour I was starting to wish I had just made myself cheese on toast .

Yes I think he is being selfish and cold. If he really can't understand what its like to pregnant and tired, I think you need to make it clear. Don't do all the chores, order a takeaway for yourself as you'll be too tired to cook.
Tbh, he sounds unpleasant, I can't imagine the circumstances under which I'd order a takeaway for myself and not sort something for my partner. My DH certainly wouldn't behave like that.
I think you should make your expectations very clear, and like I said, stop doing the chores until he demonstrate s that he gets it.

This whole scenario is a bit of a storm in a teacup but why are you doing everything for a grown man? Why can't he occasionally cook or do chores? It's a slippery slope and once your child gets here I can see him refusing to pull his weight in that department too. So you'll end up doing all the chores, all the cooking and all the childcare. Get him to sort himself out in the next four months or it will be very difficult for you. Jeez, why on earth do women enable men like this?