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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that friend stood me up?

28 replies

Samamanda · 05/03/2016 20:51

She was in x city for a few days so I decided to come down to see her this eve (we ordinarily live hundreds of miles away). Had to make plans to stay overnight and buy train fares. Slight mixup during the day when phone died; she didn't hear from me so made other dinner plans and is now too tired to do anything else! I don't think she realises I came down just for her...

OP posts:
TheWrathofNaan · 05/03/2016 20:52

Tell her- don't sit and stew!

sooperdooper · 05/03/2016 20:53

Why don't you tell her you only came to see her?

Skittlesss · 05/03/2016 20:53

Tell her!

ChessieFL · 05/03/2016 20:53

YANBU to be annoyed but it doesn't sound like it was her fault from what you've said.

PurpleDaisies · 05/03/2016 20:54

I agree-tell her.

Why did you start another thread? You should get the other one deleted.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2585778-to-be-annoyed

FigMango1 · 05/03/2016 20:55

Did she know that you were coming specifically to see her? What was the arrangements such that she wasn't concerned when she didn't hear from you?

Original poster
Samamanda · 05/03/2016 20:58

We were originally supposed to be meeting for dinner but no time was set. I contacted her at 7ish to confirm but she said she had changed plans as she was starving and tired! I don't want to make her feel guilty

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 05/03/2016 21:01

To be honest, if have assumed you weren't coming if you hadn't arranged a time to meet and I hadn't heard anything.

Just tell her how you feel and clear the air with her.

ChessieFL · 05/03/2016 21:03

I don't blame her for organising something else - if your phone was dead and she couldn't get hold of you she probably thought you weren't still coming (as you hadn't organised a definite time/venue).

greenfolder · 05/03/2016 21:06

So arrange to meet for breakfast?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/03/2016 21:09

Ooh... your title made it sound like YWNBU, but I think you probably are, with the latest update...

7pm is getting quite late to be making new dinner plans, and if your phone had been dead during the day so you hadn't been talking, she probably presumed that you'd decided not to meet. You can't really blame her for making alternative plans if you had no set plans at 7pm.

Is it normal for you both to have such casual plans? Why didn't you text her to let her know you'd set off to hers/were going to get X train to hers/etc, so she knew to expect you?

honeyroar · 05/03/2016 21:21

She came to the city for whatever reason, and obviously had plans, meeting you was an extra. And really, you stood her up by not answering your phone all day, even if it was an accident. So of course she was going to organise eating without you. Look at it from her side, you've kind of gate crashed her time in the city and then not been contactable until the time when most people would have already met up. She's probably more hacked off with you an you are with her. If you're really good friends you need to ring her and apologise - tell her you'd come all this way just to see her and could you meet up tomorrow?

RockUnit · 05/03/2016 21:25

Could you have found a phone box?

Teaandcakeat8 · 05/03/2016 21:30

You made plans to stay overnight and pay train fares?

Why would you go to all this effort then not fix a time to eat?

sooperdooper · 05/03/2016 21:36

I find it really odd that you hadn't arranged a time and place to meet when you were travelling over and you'd booked a hotel! No wonder she made other plans, she probably didn't think you were that bothered, especially after she couldn't get hold of you today

decisionsdecisions123 · 05/03/2016 21:37

Found a phone box that works? Are we in 1989?

But yes, 7 is very late to be calling to confirm plans to eat is it not?

Original poster
Samamanda · 05/03/2016 21:40

I was at work all day and couldn't charge my phone unfortunately. Was supervising children so didn't have a minute to myself. Then weren't any plugs on the train either. We'd agreed a vague time to meet up!

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 05/03/2016 21:40

So she didn't hear from you all day and now you're annoyed that she made other plans??

Plus, you haven't actually told her that you made plans specifically to see her?

RockUnit · 05/03/2016 21:42

Found a phone box that works? Are we in 1989?

Grin

Or borrowed a colleague's mobile and paid them back?

NerrSnerr · 05/03/2016 21:42

Sounds like she thought you'd stood her up. I would have made other plans it if I hadn't heard from the other person by 7 pm

PurpleDaisies · 05/03/2016 21:43

That does rely on knowing the friend's mobile off by heart though. I've been caught out in the same way before.

Sorry op I don't think your friend did anything wrong.

PurpleDaisies · 05/03/2016 21:44

Sorry that was in response to the suggestion of using someone else's mobile.

GooodEveningMadam · 05/03/2016 21:47

I think you'll have to accept that as she didn't hear from you, she made other arrangements. Not anyone's fault really, but one of those things...

If you really have to say something about it, you could say that you were disappointed you couldn't meet up, as you'd come down specifically to meet her. But leave it as that. There will always be a next time!

FigMango1 · 05/03/2016 21:48

Sorry I don't think your friend did anything wrong.

I don't understand why you would go through all the effort of travelling far enough to book a hotel but didn't arrange a specific time and place?

longdiling · 05/03/2016 21:54

Sounds more like YOU stood her up to be honest!!