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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Your child's birthday

49 replies

Sandinmytoes · 04/03/2016 00:18

You know when people post that their child "lights up their life" or "makes them proud everyday"
Or "makes them smile/laugh everyday"

I feel like I'm missing something cos mine just makes every second of my life harder.
I am overwhelmed with love for him, don't get me wrong, but jeez it's a hard slog.

OP posts:

gymboywalton · 04/03/2016 00:20

how old is he?

the early days are tough

my baby is 16 in a few hours and he has made me smile every single day of his life

Original poster

Sandinmytoes · 04/03/2016 00:21

He's 8!

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/03/2016 00:38

I think you're just a little more honest than other people. It's very easy for parents to put up fb statements about how perfect their children and lives are, but you only live with your DS.
I idolise my DD to the end of the universe and back a zillion times plus, but she's got her faults, she's human.

MillionToOneChances · 04/03/2016 02:08

My children light up my life, I love them more than I could possibly imagine pre-kids, but it can be bloody hard work. I find the quiet moments, watching tv or chatting in bed, are when I appreciate them the most. Not, funnily enough, when they're snarling at me

FattyNinjaOwl · 04/03/2016 02:28

My children do light up my life, they are my world and they make me extremely proud.
They also drive me insane, and make me want to shake them at times (I never would, I just feel like it) they frustrate me and they bug the hell out of me and they are bloody adorable.

My DS1 is 7 and he is hard work. He has one hell of an attitude on him. And he talks back, and argues with me. He forgets to do his chores, he takes his time getting ready for school, he forgets to hand his homework in, he blatantly ignores me at times! But he always buys his sister something with his spending money as he doesn't want her to feel left out
DD is 2 and a typical terror of a two year old. But she shares with the baby, and is generally a happy smiley girl (if you don't count the tantrums)
DS2 is 7 months. He's mobile. He crawls and attacks the cat/his sister/his sisters juice which she's put on the floor...he also decides bedtime is the perfect time to play peek a boo. But his laugh is contagious!

It can be hard to think of the good bits in the middle of yet another tantrum, or argument with the seven year old, or when I've been up for hours desperately trying to get the baby back to sleep!

lertgush · 04/03/2016 03:21

Mine don't make every second harder. Probably every third second....

1frenchfoodie · 04/03/2016 03:57

Perhaps they are just leaving out the fact that as well as making them laugh/smile every day they also make them grit their teeth and wish for an 'off' switch. People edit hugely on fb.

FixItUpChappie · 04/03/2016 04:58

I don't think these are opposing thoughts. My children make me smile and proud everyday.....and it's a hard slog.

Junosmum · 04/03/2016 05:14

Yabu. My DS (8weeks) does light up my life and make me smile every single day. Doesn't mean I don't find the sore nipples, lack of sleep and endless crying unless I'm jiggling him exactly the right way really really tough going. The two are not mutually exclusive.

In the same way, I love and adore DH -but not a day goes by when he doesn't drive me potty.

suspiciousofgoldfish · 04/03/2016 05:55

This post made me . I don't think YABU, you're just more honest than most people.

Having kids is hard work. Yes of course they light up your life, are the best thing that ever happened to you etc. But when you're having a shit day it's easy to feel a bit 'meh'.

I have friends who TTC for literally years, were absolutely over the moon when they got pregnant, and now do nothing but moan about how awful and hard it is. That's because it's hard!

Don't worry about it. I think 8 can be an annoying age? As can 6, 4, 2......

Katenka · 04/03/2016 06:30

Don't pay attention to those posts.

An fb friend of mine did it the other day 'little man is four, perfect child, light of my life, every day is a pleasure, he makes being a mum so easy'

The week before she was posting about how he was doing her head and 'I can't wait for him to start fucking school!'

My kids are fab, I love them but they can be hard work. Everyday of their life hasn't been a pleasure. Some have been downright awful.

It's just what people say fb, aka bollocks

Anomaly · 04/03/2016 07:19

People post absolute shite on Facebook. Two on mine are posting regular happy updates on their life. I know through friends that both are having a really tough time at the moment as their respective husbands have been unfaithful.

I can't stand sentimental stuff like this anyway so would never post it but you have to remember Facebook is often far from a reflection of people's actual lives.

I've pretty much stopped posting unless I genuinely think another would find it funny or interesting.

MsJamieFraser · 04/03/2016 07:24

Its individual, no one parents the same, mine children are beautiful, and they do light my life up in more ways than I could say. Yes life is hard, but they are not, they are a joy.

LettingAgentNightmare · 04/03/2016 07:26

Any parents who says every single day of an 8 year olds life has been a pleasure is almost certainly lying. I have an 8 year. He had not made me smile every single day of his life. Some days he had been absolutely awful and I think it a massive sign of other people need to appear perfect that people pretend otherwise.

magratsflyawayhair · 04/03/2016 07:27

My kids have given me a smile and pleasure every day of their existence. It's just I've also torn my hair out and seethed almost every day too.

Bunbaker · 04/03/2016 07:33

"my baby is 16 in a few hours and he has made me smile every single day of his life"

Really?

Sorry, but I don't believe you. DD has made me laugh, smile, cry, grind my teeth in frustration, worry and cheer. She is 15 now and in year 11 and I have found parenting her as a teen far, far harder than when she was a toddler.

I lover her to bits, but I'm not one of those ultra maternal women who feel defined by motherhood, and am able to see parenthood for what it is rather than the rose tinted, idealistic view than some women have.

FigMango1 · 04/03/2016 07:38

Or maybe just not compare yourself to other people and focus on your own family? You don't have to measure your worth against fb posts!

Nishky · 04/03/2016 07:39

bunbaker why don't you believe her? I do and I also think my children have made me smile at least once every day.
I too am not defined by motherhood, just because people enjoy being a parent it doesn't mean they are deluded.

I am genuinely confused by the sneery tone in your post.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 04/03/2016 07:42

Mine are 2.3 and 8 months. Life is damn hard. There still hasn't been a day since they were born that they haven't made me smile at least once. That might have changed by the time they're 8 though!

scrivette · 04/03/2016 07:43

OP I completely understand!

Mouseinahole · 04/03/2016 07:44

My children are now in their 40s. There have been weeks at a time when I have been consumed by anxiety for them and times when they have made me cry. However, they also 'light up my life' and have given me such love and joy that I feel privileged beyond measure to have them in my life. I feel the same about my grandchildren too.

CombineBananaFister · 04/03/2016 07:51

YANBU BUT I have seen those same FB posters who adore their child, screech at them in the street to 'hurry the fuck up' or dragging them along the supermarket floor mid-tantrum, so I'd take what people post with a pinch of salt . Actions speak louder than public declarations of words

Having said that I can say DS does make me laugh at some point everyday even if only briefly, but in equal measure I despair like when I find bits of a washed hotdog he put in the machine to clean the ketchup off it. it is hard but I wouldn't have it any other way.

BertrandRussell · 04/03/2016 07:54

My brother once said, musingly, "The odd thing about children is that you can love them more than life itself, be perfectly prepared to die for them, but at the same time want to throw them out of an upstairs window"

Bunbaker · 04/03/2016 08:11

"I am genuinely confused by the sneery tone in your post."

It wasn't meant to come across as sneery. We have had some tough times with DD - serious medical issues, bullying, friendship issues, depression, self harming, borderline anorexia, referral to CAMHS, and now GCSE exam stress. I can honestly say that there have been many times when I couldn't smile and just wanted to cry, and I find it very hard to believe that some parents have managed to raise a smile every single day.

rainbowunicorn · 04/03/2016 08:30

I would agree that kids are very hard work but on the other hand I can say that my two have made me smile every day. By that I don't mean that I was filled with Joy and laughter every day, just that no matter how bad things get they have the ability to raise a small smile even if only for a brief moment in response to some little thing they do or say.

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