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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Your child's birthday

49 replies

Sandinmytoes · 04/03/2016 00:18

You know when people post that their child "lights up their life" or "makes them proud everyday"
Or "makes them smile/laugh everyday"

I feel like I'm missing something cos mine just makes every second of my life harder.
I am overwhelmed with love for him, don't get me wrong, but jeez it's a hard slog.

OP posts:

Ilovenannyplum · 04/03/2016 08:36

My DS has genuinely made me smile every day.
But equally he's sometimes made me want to shut myself in the kitchen and drink wine after another tantrum about something ridiculously trivial (he's 18 months)

Katenka · 04/03/2016 08:41

Tbf mine have made me smile most, if not everyday. Even if it's just because they finally fell asleep

Equally they have made me cry on some of their days too. Parenting is a constant up and downs. And people on FB who make out its all perfect and gush is a bit odd.

On the other hand no one is going to 'my baby is 16, fuck me he has been a twat'

MillionToOneChances · 04/03/2016 08:43

I love my friends. Far more likely to get updates like this:

ghostyslovesheep · 04/03/2016 08:49

yes - YANBU OP - mine also make me smile and laugh every day but equally they make me want to leave home and/or punch pillows and weep silently into them!

They are a joy and a herd of tormenting daemons - especially the 2 teens!

PutDownThatLaptop · 04/03/2016 08:53

One of my friends who spends an awful lot of time moaning about how annoying her kids are, always posts Facebook statuses about her 'beautiful, amazing, wonderful' children.

RubyRoseViolet · 04/03/2016 08:55

The thing is all kids are different and some are much harder work than others. I found the little baby stage unbelievably tough with Dd but once she was about 1 she was really easy and gorgeous. Besides the sleep deprivation she was a delightfully easy child.

Now she's a teenager she's more trying but still quite mild mannered compared to others. if I'd had another child they may have been totally different. My closest friend has 2, her Ds is incredibly hard work but his younger sister is extremely calm and easy. She loves them both to bits but sometimes runs out of stamina with her DS!

TooGood2BeFalse · 04/03/2016 09:10

My little boy has just turned 4 and is a complete Jekyll and Hyde. He is either the sweetest, cutest, most adorable person or an absolute nightmare. He is incredibly intelligent, but mind-numbingly strong-willed and life is indeed a bit of a battle with him.

I get very tired, I cry sometimes, I have days where I just don't want to be touched or chattered at anymore. But then I miss him desperately when he's at nursery or if I have some rare mummy time away and when I think about him I only remember his wonderful bits! (Until I get home and I'm not fixing his lego fast enough..) I am SO proud of him and everything he achieves.

But yes, sometimes I do think JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP MOANING, YOUR GREEN SOCKS ARE IN THE WASHING AND I CAN'T MAGIC THEM CLEAN, WHY DO YOU HATE ME, WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING OVER SOCKS FFS! Ahem.

You're just honest. Yes, I do think personally some kids are harder/easier than others, but I think every parent finds their kids hard work at times (if not a lot of the time!) Re: Facebook, well, not the done thing to moan about your kids to a wider audience is it? Anyway you can get some 'me' time to recharge your batteries?

LogicalThinking · 04/03/2016 09:30

I think there's more to it than just being more honest, I think there's a variety of mindsets out there. 2 people can have the same experiences and come out of it feeling completely different. 1 might hang onto all the negative stuff that happened, the other hangs onto all the positive stuff.

So parent and child have a day out at a farm, parent 1 reflects back on the day and focuses the stress of the child wandering off, the indecision over lunch and the meltdown in the shop. The other parent focuses on the child feeding the baby lambs, stroking the rabbits and collecting the eggs, the stresses are not a big deal, they are just par for the course.
Parent 2 isn't not being honest, it's just that the same stressful situations are handled differently by different people.

GastonsPomPomWrath · 04/03/2016 09:34

"The odd thing about children is that you can love them more than life itself, be perfectly prepared to die for them, but at the same time want to throw them out of an upstairs window"

^This. 100 times over.

notquitehuman · 04/03/2016 09:44

I just unfollow the #blessed mum crowd on Facebook nowadays. It's utter bollocks. My cousin is one of the worst for this. She posts dozens of pictures daily of craft activities, kids snuggled up watching movies, elaborate elf on the shelf crap at xmas, you know the drill. When you actually spend time with her, she's constantly refereeing fights between the kids and telling them to 'fucking shut up!'

I suppose the mum she pretends to be on Facebook is the image she wants to see of herself. If the compliments from the huns make her feel better about the slog of parenting, then whatever. It's just a shame it makes others feel terrible.

Original poster

Sandinmytoes · 04/03/2016 09:47

Thanks for making me feel little less guilty.

I'm just finding it hard.

It's been a bit of a stressful year and I'm doubting how well I'm coping.

OP posts:

goldensquirrel · 04/03/2016 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaggingTits · 04/03/2016 12:13

It's all bollocks. Took me a while to realise that though

My favourite was recently seeing someone i know take her kids in the park for 2 minutes (literally). Took various picture of the kids on stuff, left as it was too cold. That night on fb they'd had lovely family time at the park...

ZiggyFartdust · 04/03/2016 12:27

It's both though, isn't it? Yes, its hard work, yes it can be soul destroying, and you can want to sell them to the circus on a daily basis....but if you're not even getting one smile day from a funny comment, or a way they look, or anything, well thats a bit depressing.
Even the most hard work children should provide at least a moment of light relief, if not you need to look at creating a better atmosphere for all of you.

Portraying parenthood as unrelenting misery without a single thing to smile at is just as bad as painting it as all fun and games and precious times bullshit.

coffeeisnectar · 04/03/2016 12:34

Yanbu. I do think that being a parent is the hardest job in the world.

My girls are 17 and 10. The teen is, at the moment, driving me insane with her attitude. Until the age of 11 she was a great kid, happy, polite, sweet but the hormones kicked in and I mourn for the days of the sweet girl who would wake me up by providing my eyes open and shouting "mummy! Are you in there?" :o. Now it's just entitled behaviour, back chat and worry.

My 10 year old has been difficult from day one. She's finally getting an ASD assessment but she is so bloody funny! There are days when she's just on one from the minute she wakes (refused school today - waiting to speak to the school about it and how we can stop it happening again) but there are days when she has us all in stitches and is living and sweet natured.

I've been a parent for nearly 18 years and I'm utterly drained!

CrazyMary · 04/03/2016 12:35

We can love our children and still admit that being a parent can be hard at times. Somedays, it is a case of 'faking it 'til you make it'. Some parents are almost afraid to admit when they need help or are having a hard time as a parent because they fear they may be judged. My advice is; enjoy the good times and they will get you through the hard times. Rather than get annoyed, take 5 and have a cup of coffee and a breather.

Juanbablo · 04/03/2016 12:39

I adore all my children but ds1 is very hard work. He's funny, clever, loving and determined. But he is also anxious, angry, hyperactive and hard bloody work. Despite that I wouldn't change him, because then he wouldn't be him!

gymboywalton · 04/03/2016 18:22

i am sorry but i am not lying-he has made me smile every day of his life!

we have also had tough times-of course we have! Noone raises a child and does it without any hard times. We have had the sleeplessness, the potty training, the months and months of eczema , the trip to a and e where he ended up in resus and scared the life out of us....

but every single day, he has also said something or done something or just ....been...and that has made me smile.

you have to look for the positives in life rather than spending all your time whinging about hard it all is.

Life is hard! But it is also bloody wonderful!

mommy2ash · 04/03/2016 18:47

My dd is nine she has always been a very easy going kid and I can't say she makes my life hard. That's my truth and it is no more or less valid than yours

Hulababy · 04/03/2016 18:52

Why wouldn't people believe that a child make them you smile every day of your life?

DD is pretty easy going, and not really having an attitude and being an only one - so no one to bicker with. At 13y I can't remember a day where she didn't make me smile at least once every day of her life. Yes, some days are harder than others, especially in the earlier years. But never a full day of all difficult - and definitely more pleasure than difficulties.

But then, working in a school, most children there make me smile more than they make me sad/cross/something negative. IME most children have it within themselves to make your day brighter at least once in each 24 hours.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 04/03/2016 18:58

I am filled with awe at how amazing my boys have turned out, but whilst one was quite easy to bring up the other put us through hell on earth. how DH and I are still together after the stress on our marriage bringing him up I do not know, we have had tears, tantrums, violence, damage to our property and home, major trauma, police, the full works. we are still together and finally at 23 he has emerged as quite a lovely human, still with a bad temper when things don't go his way, but generally a very caring and compassionate thoughtful young man. I have no idea how this has happened as a few years ago we thought prison would be his future we love him to bits, his brother does too, they are really good friends, and we have emerged from the hell of upbringing kids to be a loving and warm family.

tryandtryagain · 04/03/2016 19:19

FB is filled with life editing tripe. Motherhood is HARD. I am a mother to a recently ASD / OCD diagnosed 14yr old and stepmum to an 18yr old. It's been amazing and totally dire over the last 16yrs. Ignore the bullshitters as it IS bullshit.

Scholes34 · 04/03/2016 20:34

I did post on FB a picture of DD on her 18th birthday to say "my work here is done". It's quite liberating to let her go off and make her own mistakes, and pick up the pieces herself (within reason - still got some letting go to do), but I am proud and all the sacrifices along the way have been worth it. Still making sacrifices for her and the other two DC. I do look back on the past 18 years and know I do see them through rose-tinted spectacles, but that's good because it has been a hard slog.

MrsMook · 04/03/2016 21:53

Ds (5) is prone to getting very frustrated and still has tantrums over petty things. One day this week after getting into a right tizz about the usual routines of getting dressed, he ended up being transported to school in a flailing firemans lift.

When he's not in that kind of mood, he can be wonderfully loving and affectionate, and it reminds me that in the big picture, I can't be doing badly with him. He probably has made me smile every day. That's more than I've had to take deep breaths and keep myself calm with him.

DS (2) is very different. High octane cheerful thrill seeker. Shares lots of cheery energy in the world, but keeping up with him is exhausting in a different way. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for sprinting or being a human trampoline.

They sort of balance each other out

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