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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't know what to do

26 replies

Susiesoap7 · 02/03/2016 11:03

Lived here 4 years, no friends, trapped in a flat I hate,too old to get a job, dread getting up in a morning to face another empty day, go to shops just to be among people, is this it for the rest of my life.

OP posts:
lavenderdoilly · 02/03/2016 11:09

Sounds trite, I know, but try volunteering. How old are you?

Original poster
Susiesoap7 · 02/03/2016 11:19

In my 60's, moved 150 miles to be near my grandchildren but they have busy lives , I just get so fed up, I worked for 26 years , so sitting around on my own is hell.

OP posts:
butterflylove16 · 02/03/2016 11:21

Sorry to hear you're so unhappy Flowers have you tried joining a club? What are your intereststudies?

butterflylove16 · 02/03/2016 11:22

Oops not sure what happened there! * what are your interests?

Original poster
Susiesoap7 · 02/03/2016 11:32

I like arty/ crafty things but I don't drive so limited as most things are out of this area and in the evenings, sorry don't mean to be a moan I'm a person who loves a good giggle normally, but it's just a cold depressing day today and I just can't seem to pick myself up.

OP posts:
GoblinLittleOwl · 02/03/2016 11:47

Would you be interested in U3A (University of the Third Age)?
Not as daunting as it sounds, just a huge variety of interest groups run by members.
You will find details in your local library, and it is a good way of meeting people.

Libraries often run groups such as reading groups, knit and natter, art and craft during the daytime, so you could reach them by bus.

Read the local parish/church magazine, which is also a good source of advertisements for local hobby and social groups.

Keep Fit/dance classes in local halls.

Try Open University courses; they certainly occupy your time!

icanteven · 02/03/2016 11:50

How do you feel about children?

At my local primary there are several older (and younger) people in the area who volunteer to listen to the children reading and the school LEAPS on them with joy and delight. The readers also enjoy it immensely and provide a very valuable service, because there simply isn't the money to give every child one on one time for reading aloud.

It all depends on how you feel about children though - it might be your idea of hell! :)

Also take a look on meetup.com - there are oodles of groups aimed at a slightly older age group where you could widen your friendship circle.

Finally, where did you move from? Could you go back? If you're only in your 60's you have a LOT of time ahead of you and there is nothing to be gained by being bored and miserable if your children/grandchildren have let you down socially, as they seem to have.

icanteven · 02/03/2016 11:51

Also, if you can bear the idea, the Women's Institute! It varies a lot around the country, but I would be all OVER it in your position. This is exactly what they're there for.

Women's Institute

TheBalefulGroke · 02/03/2016 11:54

Have you been over to Gransnet? Probably people in similar situations, that can advise.
Volunteering is a good way to meet people, or a local church, or community centre.

TheBalefulGroke · 02/03/2016 11:55

Oh, and I know lots of people in their 70s still working, just one or two days a week. Don't rule it out (obviously depends on local job market), gives a real structure to the week, and friendships with colleagues.

TheBalefulGroke · 02/03/2016 11:56

And MN, of course. Tell someone on here where you are, and they'll be round for tea and cake before you've got the kettle on! Wink

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 12:00

Could you afford to learn to drive/get a car?

Would fill the day and also help get you out and about.

Agree re the primary school volunteering too.

Have you thought about working? There are companies that are happy to employ an older workforce such as B&Q and other shops, it may not be what you are used to doing but would get you out, occupied and earning a bit for those driving lessons :)

Have you tried googling "friends of " ? these are often groups of locals that get together and do community stuff such as gardening.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 12:02

Would you consider becoming a childminder? Always seems to be loads of demand and you could choose your hours to an extent. Such as just doing before school in the morning or pick ups or half days for part time workers.

Original poster
Susiesoap7 · 02/03/2016 12:03

Thank you for your suggestions and help, I moved here from Yorkshire thinking it was going to be a good move, I will look into the things that you have suggested as I spend a lot of time on my iPad.

OP posts:
OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 12:08

If you are good on the ipad, you might be in demand from older people to help with their IT skills :)

Also could you contact local Duke of Edinburgh groups and help either with things like kit preparation and checking or help to be an assessor to sign-off skills in the art/craft area?

Original poster
Susiesoap7 · 02/03/2016 12:36

Thank you all for your help and listening to me and the sun has started to shine 🌞

OP posts:
Original poster
Susiesoap7 · 02/03/2016 12:39

How do you tell someone where you are on here? Do you send a pm?

OP posts:
OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 12:40

Fabby - you are still young and have loads to offer, no sense sitting in the house feeling miserable (though we are all allowed to indulge in it now and then).

You haven't mentioned a partner and in no way am I suggesting that you need one in order to be happy, but have you thought of joining a dating agency just in order to meet a few people with similar interests to you?

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 12:43

I know how to do it on a PC - there is a "message poster" bit on the line with the posters name. But, I think I recall someone saying it's a bit more complicated on an ipad and I don't have one so I can't help, but I am sure someone will be along to assist. If not, start another message in chat asking how to do it :)

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 12:45

If you are in a city/big town you can probably safely just say it on the thread as it would unlikely that anyone could identify you from the details on here, or you could just say the county or area. If you are in a village of a 100 people then PM would be more wise :)

lavenderdoilly · 02/03/2016 12:46

If you have art and craft skills I bet your local primary would jump on you for help. I was looking forward to teaching my dd to knit and she came home one day already able to do it because "a granny" (cringe) had shown her in a lunchtime club.

TheBalefulGroke · 02/03/2016 12:49

There's a MN local- have a look in topics for your area.
Often there are threads in chat about specific areas (often tourist areas) and you can jump on and say hi to people in your area. Sometimes there are threads to make friends too, chat is usually where they are.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 12:52

Our primary does the knitting grannies too lavender - not that my boys ever bothered with it :O. They also had a granddad that ran a savings club for the kids (all legit!). Reading helpers and people that helped in the PTA to run events such as the summer/christmas fair etc.

The Brownies/Guides or Beavers/Cubs would probably also lap up any help offered even if just for the odd "theme" night if you didn't want to make it a regular thing.

catloony · 02/03/2016 13:56

Contact your local Age UK, they have loads of activities for the 50+. It does vary from area to area as some are bigger than others though.

They will also know or be able to help you find any other groups in your area run by other organisations. Often the groups have volunteer drivers that can pick people up.

marmaladegranny · 02/03/2016 14:03

I am in the same position as you OP - I second U3A for lots of reasonably priced sociable activities for older people, and mainly daytime.
U3A and my local community singing group have been my salvation and through them I have established a whole new circle of acquaintances. When I knew I was moving I got a carefully chosen dog as he is a great way of meeting people just to exchange a few words or through dog training classes.

Also you are never too old to learn to drive - my DM passed her test first time age 63, so why not give it a go, though it is expensive.