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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dsis too old to need a babysitter?

36 replies

GummyBunting · 25/02/2016 19:34

This is part aibu, part wwyd?

My sister is 14. I babysit her sometimes, and as much as I enjoy spending time with her, isn't 14 a bit old?

Also, a few weeks ago I met her and my dad in a pub, and my dad asked me to take her to the toilet, as her mum won't let her go on her own.

I should point out that we have the same dad, but different mums.

Part of me thinks that if it's working for them, there's no harm. But she is smart and sensible, and it seems insane that a 14 year old requires a chaperone to the loo, or can't be left alone for 3 hours in the evening.

Would you say anything? Do you think her mum has anxiety issues? Will this affect her development?

OP posts:
SeptemberFlowers · 25/02/2016 19:36

That does seem a bit OTT ... Is she allowed to walk to the shops by herself or see friends without a chaperone ?

EatShitDerek · 25/02/2016 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/02/2016 19:38

I would think there's a fair chance that lots of people on MN were babysitters at that age, rather than babysat. I think it seems OTT but I wouldn't get involved. If she's not pushing against it perhaps you shouldn't either.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/02/2016 19:39

That is very ott, especially the loo business, I would be having words with them.

NickyEds · 25/02/2016 19:45

I was going to say that Testing, I was babysitting at not much older than that. Not allowed to go to the toilet on her own, way ott.

Crispbutty · 25/02/2016 19:47

It will probably make her rebel as soon as she can if they restrict her life so much. Im guessing she isnt allowed out with her friends too then.

TubbyTabby · 25/02/2016 19:58

why are they so over protective?

SuperCee7 · 25/02/2016 20:01

Of course it'll do harm, how on earth will she develop a sense of independence? She'll end up lashing out

ImperialBlether · 25/02/2016 20:04

How old were you when you were left alone?

I think at 14 she could be looking for babysitting work, rather than being babysat.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/02/2016 20:06

Why are they so over protective, needing to be taken to the loo is so ott

RabbitSaysWoof · 25/02/2016 20:07

That has to be a bit suffocating doesn't it, to never be alone at that age. Ask her how she feels? maybe it's an anxiety thing of her own because it's after dark or something?
Things do change I suppose. My Mum and Dad went on holiday when I was 15 and left me alone for a couple of weeks it was lovely, I've just come off of a thread where the sis is babysitting an 18 year old while their parents are away.

MammaTJ · 25/02/2016 20:08

My 10 year old DD is allowed to go to the toilet on her own in our local pub. My 9 year old DS is not, he has to go to the ladies with me or his sister or the gents with his Dad.

By 14, I am pretty sure my DS will be going to the gents on his own!

Original poster
GummyBunting · 25/02/2016 20:10

I was left alone properly from 11-12, but I appreciate everyone is different.

She seemed a bit embarrassed about the toilet thing, I didn't make a bit deal of it.

She is her mum's only child, so it may be a case of pfb. I don't know anything about her mum's past, there could be something that's making her over protective perhaps? But either way, it doesn't feel right.

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 25/02/2016 20:12

D is 14, no way would she put up with that.

Nataleejah · 25/02/2016 21:02

Sometimes public toilets are unsafe places, especially in pubs. People have been sexually assaulted, etc.
Maybe thats why parents are a bit jumpy?

Marilynsbigsister · 25/02/2016 21:03

Are her mum and your dad together or separated ?

OzzieFem · 25/02/2016 21:20

I agree with Nataleejah about public toilets being unsafe. A pub with drunks is no place for a 14 yr old girl to go to the loo alone. As for the baby sitting of an evening, there might be some neighbours who could cause a problem. It's a sad society when you cannot even be safe in your own home, but that's the way it is these days with so many people on drugs, looking for easy pickings.

JenEric · 25/02/2016 21:22

It does seem OTT to me but I dare to let my 11 year old go to the loo on her own... I would leave it be tbh if she is happy why bother?

EverySecondCounts · 25/02/2016 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverySecondCounts · 25/02/2016 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 25/02/2016 21:28

In my local pubs, you wouldn't leave a teen to go the toilet on their own, mainly because of cocaine and then aggressive behaviour.

As for the babysitting, read the other thread, were 14 year olds were getting absolutely wasted.

I used to leave mine, with their mates, but wouldn't have on their own.

That depends on were you live etc.

""But either way, it doesn't feel right.""

So when would she be left, 7-10, 8-11? there's nothing were with a teen feeling vulnerable on their own, in the evening.

TubbyTabby · 26/02/2016 18:45

i do know someone who was raped in a pub toilet when he was 11. god - i forgot about that.

BackforGood · 26/02/2016 18:56

Obviously it's going to depend a bit on the pub - but, presuming this was a normal, family friendly eating type pub, then the toilet thing is ridiculous.

My dd started babysitting at 14. All my dc were left without sitters long before that (gradually, building it up, etc.)

Ughnotagain · 26/02/2016 19:06

My mum's friend is really protective of her daughter and even she wouldn't be that bad!

I definitely think they're going a bit far. A 14 year old, assuming no additional needs, is old enough to go to the loo alone!

mrtwitsglasseye · 26/02/2016 19:46

My six year old dd goes to the toilet on her own in a cafe!! Or a family friendly pub at lunchtime.

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