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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is

51 replies

fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 11:55

A complete twat ?

She's so rude when it comes to my 14 week old daughter. Today for example she referred to her as evil. She says she is joking but it is not funny. She has also called her satan before Hmm

She is the least maternal person, and we have never really gotten on, but there is no need for her to be such a rude twat !

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/02/2016 11:58

So she's joking? I think you're being a bit unreasonable. My dsis used to call ds a 'demon child' because of his awful crying when he was little. It was a joke. She loves him. I think calling her a twat is pretty nasty as well tbh.

ZiggyFartdust · 25/02/2016 12:00

She's joking, lighten up. Or don't see her, since you clearly can't stand her?

wigglesrock · 25/02/2016 12:03

Really, I call my own children Satan sometimes, often one of them is referred to as the devil child, not one in particular, each of them has worn the name with pride. If you don't get on with your sister you don't get on with her - happens to us all. But you know unless she's actually booking an exorcism for your daughter I wouldn't overthink her turn of phrase.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/02/2016 12:06

Incidentally, dsis still calls him demon child, spawn of Satan, fart monster when he's mischievous or farting. He giggles and loves her. It's a joke.

Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 12:07

She's seen her twice... A little unfair to brand her as evil ? Perhaps I've become over sensitive. I think if she said theses things with less grimace on her face I could take it more light heartedly.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2016 12:09

That's a very odd thing to say about a baby. How is she normally? Any issues with having her own kids? Some people really aren't baby people but if you find what she says upsetting just ask her to stop.

Paintedhandprints · 25/02/2016 12:14

Did you challenge her on it? I find it a bit of an odd thing to call a newborn. In fact, I would be offended too. You have no obligation to spend time with your sister either.

Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 12:15

purple she has none of her own, and has no desire. However, she knows that dd was quite poorly in the early days and how it affected me emotionally. I just think she's being a bit insensitive with her attitude towards dd.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2016 12:16

Have you raised it with her at all?

Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 12:17

Yes- when challenged she said she was joking. Quite right on the no obligation so I think that will be the last of it. She invited her self over today so I could sort her bills out for her, so not even like she wanted to spend time with us both.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/02/2016 12:17

I'm not sure if she's being insensitive or if you're being over sensitive OP.

Lots of people say that sort of thing about babies, but of course it's light hearted.

ILikeUranus · 25/02/2016 12:18

WTF? YANBU, she's a complete twat.

PurpleDaisies · 25/02/2016 12:18

I quite often threaten to put my sister's children in the bin but it's a fun game for everyone-maybe your sister it's totally oblivious?

Don't totally rule out her wanting kids of her own but not being able to (either lack of partner or gynae issues). Common defence mechanism is to pretend you don't like kids.

scarednoob · 25/02/2016 12:19

It's all about context - my friend told me to "shut up about my sodding minge demon" - but he was clearly joking as he adores the baby and refers to his own kids in similar loving terms.

In your case it sounds symptomatic of deeper issues in which case YANBU - but you perhaps need to talk to her or cool the contact as you see fit

FellOutOfBedTwice · 25/02/2016 12:22

This sounds like my SIL who is very jealous of my daughter. She comes from a family of boys- children, uncles and grandchildren- and was the only girl until DD was born. It doesn't get better I'm afraid, all you can do is ignore it. It's pretty pathetic to watch a 30 year old woman compete for attention with her 2 year old neice and say things to her Dad like "stop paying her so much attention Dad, I'M your princess" Hmm And yes, she is a twat, YANBU.

Feeches · 25/02/2016 12:23

I've called my own dc satan at times. I wouldn't refer to anybody else's as that though. Not to their face anyway.

Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 12:23

I probably am being some what over sensitive - but I think this is understandable when sleep deprivation is rife.

She 100% does not want children, never has done and is very open about it. She has been quite jealous since Dd arrived as our mum has not spent as much time with her due to helping me out. I just don't think she needs to be rude Sad

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/02/2016 12:25

But she's not meaning to be rude, she's joking! It's you who is taking it in a rude way, it's not her intention.

Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 12:25

fell you've hit the nail on the head there, because my sister acts the exact same way ! Today she had to have mum confirm that she was the favourite.

OP posts:
CooPie10 · 25/02/2016 12:26

Well I don't think it's a nice way to speak about a child. Anyway we don't really speak like that in my family so it would upset me.

Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 12:29

paul I have to disagree, she is being rude. Yes, calling her a twat is rude also, but not as rude as naming an child she barely knows evil, regardless of when quizzed about it saying she is joking.

OP posts:
shovetheholly · 25/02/2016 12:32

"She has been quite jealous since Dd arrived as our mum has not spent as much time with her"

I suspect that may be the problem, right there. It's early days and maybe she's adjusting to losing out as a result of your daughter coming along. If that's the case, it might calm down as she gets more used to the new arrangements.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/02/2016 12:33

There is a difference: you're being mean, she's not. Have you even told her you don't like it? It's pretty unfair to complain about someone doing something (that's quite normal) if you haven't even asked them not to.

AliceInUnderpants · 25/02/2016 12:33

What was the context?

StrictlyMumDancing · 25/02/2016 12:36

When my DD was fresh out of NICU my sister picked her up and said 'oh its a shame she isn't ugly'. I went downhill from there with odd comments that were supposedly jokes. One day I asked her if she could text me some info she was trying to give me over the phone as I couldn't feed and write at the same time - 'that baby ruins everything' she said.

That was one of the last things in a world of bad she did that lead to me going NC with her. But oddly she couldn't pass that last comment as a joke off and denied she ever said it, got a nasty shock when she realised DH had overheard it. At which point she claimed we both must have been too tired and misheard something Hmm

With my sister it was totally that she wasn't the baby of the family any more and she was jealous of the attention I got. She tried to play up with I had DS too but thankfully my family told her to wind her neck in.