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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is

51 replies

fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 11:55

A complete twat ?

She's so rude when it comes to my 14 week old daughter. Today for example she referred to her as evil. She says she is joking but it is not funny. She has also called her satan before Hmm

She is the least maternal person, and we have never really gotten on, but there is no need for her to be such a rude twat !

OP posts:
butterflylove16 · 25/02/2016 12:38

Maybe I'm very sensitive, but this would upset me too. I only want positive things spoken by others in front of dd, even though she can't understand yet.

Sandbrook · 25/02/2016 12:40

OP only you know whether she was joking or seriously calling her evil.
If you think her serious then twat was about as nice a thing as you can say about her

FellOutOfBedTwice · 25/02/2016 12:41

Fuzzy this is really hard to explain to someone who hasn't seen it in action- so all the posters saying you're being over sensitive probably just have no experience of this kind of bonkers. I totally get it. You're not being over sensitive. Your sister is a jealous prick. Sorry if you've already mentioned this up thread but I bet she's the youngest.

ohtheholidays · 25/02/2016 12:42

No your right OP she is being a complete twat and jealous how old is she 10?

I would never stand for anyone talking about one of my children in that way and honestly if I called someone elses child one of the names that have been said on this thread I'd expect to get a smack in the mouth.

Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 12:43

Context of mum saying how lovely dd is, sisters response of no she isn't she's evil.

I think no contact would be difficult, as I wouldn't want to upset the family, we have minimal contact as it is. I've told her how I don't think it's funny what she is saying, but she just gets defensive when challenged and gets a cob on. I will probably just have to suck it up and hope that it changes before dd is old enough to understand- if it continued then, no contact would be the only way forward.

OP posts:
iyamehooru · 25/02/2016 12:44

I think that's awful. YANBU X

Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 12:44

fell she is the eldest...

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 25/02/2016 12:45

interesting post OP
I am 110% childfree

but I don't like this terminology. it seems very odd. I like new babies (I get bored with them after about 2 months when they start to seem like actual people, lol) - I'm guessing she doesn't like them, but even if she feels uncomfortable around new babies, I think that's a horrible thing to say.

if she's that uncomfortable and feeling obligated to spend time with baby she should either do it with good grace or not do it at all.

it's really horrible to say stuff like "satan". And bizarre.

IJustLostTheGame · 25/02/2016 12:46

Tell her it's fine to not like or want babies. But she doesn't need to slag yours off and you both love and want your baby.
If she doesn't like it she knows where the front door is.

lorelei9 · 25/02/2016 12:46

PS I get that she thinks she is "joking" but it's still grim. I'm trying to think of a parallel "joke" but I can't really.

nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath · 25/02/2016 12:48

Some people who are quite vocal about never wanting children seem to find it necessary to go on at length and loudly to anyone who will listen about how much they hate them and find them pointless and annoying. They will dress it up as a joke but really it's just one long opportunity to sneer and take a pop at you and make you feel that your choice to be a mother makes you some sort of dull idiot.

I totally understand about the jealousy as well. In my experience adults who choose not to have children are often (not always) quite high maintenance people who like to have lots of attention lavished on them by their parents and other adults so they don't take kindly to being pushed further back in the queue.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/02/2016 12:53

I think she's being a bit of an arse.

Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 12:53

she is used to having constant attention. She has a terrible attitude problem and both parents (and her oh) tip toe around her as to not upset her, as the repercussions are not worth the hassle. I'm the only one to call her out on things, and I just find what she has said totally inappropriate and actually quite upsetting. I thought her becoming an aunt would bring us closer together, in truth it's done quite the opposite !

OP posts:
FellOutOfBedTwice · 25/02/2016 13:02

fuzzy surprised to hear she's the eldest. Still a knobhead though! Grin

liz70 · 25/02/2016 13:03

My dad regularly called DD1 "devil child" when she was younger. He was right - she was a little shit. Fortunately my younger two DDs were/are much easier, and DD1 has grown out of her horribleness and is now a lovely, conscientious, polite and well-behaved 16 year old. I really wouldn't worry about your sister's comments, or take them too seriously.

MadamDeathstare · 25/02/2016 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lorelei9 · 25/02/2016 13:05

fuzzy "She has a terrible attitude problem"

oh, there's your answer. I wouldn't be doing bills for such a person. I get on really well with my sister but if either of us did something horrible or full of attitude, we'd call each other out on it.

Sorry but sounds like NC might be an idea....

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/02/2016 13:10

She's calling a 14 week old baby a twat. I don't know about BU. She's being an evil twat.
However could it more deep-rooted than her just not being maternal. Could She want a baby herself and be envious. Even non maternal women can yearn for their own babies,. Of course that doesn't excuse her language about an innocent little baby,

thebiscuitindustry · 25/02/2016 13:11

If you've told her you don't like the comments then she should stop, whether she was "joking" or not. Tell her it isn't your sense of humour and you'd like the comments to stop. If she argues back then say that if she makes a comment like that you'll ask her to leave.

PansOnFire · 25/02/2016 13:13

OP your sister sounds difficult. YANBU but I think she'll end up embarrassing herself with it in the end so I'd just leave it.

butterflylove16 you're going to struggle with that one...

soupforbrains · 25/02/2016 13:32

YANBU or at least not entirely. I appreciate what everyone else is saying about it only being a joke, but I had a not enormously different experience with my sister at one point and I understand how you feel.

Personally I'd be more inclined to see the Satan comment as a throwaway joke than the use of the word 'evil'. That's just not kind, nice or fair.

There isn't a lot you can do about it though, particularly as you've confronted her already. Hopefully since you've said something she won't persist. If she does it again than try to calmly say that you know she's only joking but that you don't like it and can she please stop.

xx

diddl · 25/02/2016 13:35

Jeez, someone refers to any 14WEEK old as evil & Satan, they can just fuck right off!

I DO have a sense of humour, I just don't find that funny.

She's talking about her own niece!

Don't suck it up to keep the peace!

Tell her to stop it!

Doesn't yourmum care?

Blimey, I'd have had to hold my mum back if someone had said that about mine!

Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 13:39

The "satan" comment I shrugged off after telling her it wasn't funny. Like you say "evil" is just not nice terminology to use in reference to a baby. Beings I've told her twice now that it is not funny, if it happens again she will not be welcome in our home.

I'm glad I'm not being totally unreasonable!

OP posts:
Original poster
fuzzyllama · 25/02/2016 13:41

diddl all my family members tip toe around her as they 'don't want to upset her'... But no it's okay, I don't find those things being said at all upsetting Hmm

OP posts:
diddl · 25/02/2016 13:43

Ah well, just upset the new mum instead!

I'd feel like binning the lot of them.

They think it's fine to be nasty about your daughter so they can just suck up not seeing her.

Well, that wouldn't bother them would it, as they agree that she is "evil"?

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