DIY/renovation sloth-husband

[mangocoveredlamb]

AIBU to be annoyed with DH for not ever finishing anything in our house.
Things are starting to break before rooms have even been finished. Our garden has been unusable for 4 years.
He has loads of grand plans but not enough oomph to get the job done.

So why don't you start and/or finish these jobs if they need doing?

DIY as it where!

I have one the same! I do some things myself or pay someone to do them. It is hard to keep up the enthusiasm though when he just sits and watches or has the cheek to criticise!

YANBU if he said he wanted to do them, started and never finished. No lie, I know a couple who for 40 - yes 40 years never had a completed house. The dh 'did all the work himself' - after 40 years they still had wooden boards where stairs should be! Their children grew up in a house never finished - not only never finished but it never had proper floors! It was like going into a hoarder home - I just absolutely couldn't believe it.

They could not sell it because of all the work (basically the whole house) to be done. When the husband died (he was in his 70's) his wife never even gave him a funeral - I think she was so sick to death of nothing being finished that when he was finished - she left it unfinished!!

I'm not handy so when something needs doing and dh is dragging his feet I start calling contractors. That gets him going. And if your dh really hates doing it, maybe that is the best way anyway.

My DH is the same, he cannot follow through on long term projects. I tend to do most of the bigger DIY or improvements now, and he has taken over the more every day things like cooking. Works for us. Can you reassign the household chores to better fit your strengths?

Sounds like my Dad. Our house was called 'Halfway House' and was a local landmark.
That was from when he rendered over the nice yellow brick with cement render and just stopped halfway up, not even in a straight line.

YANBU. Its a drag to live with at the best of times, at its worst can be an actual hazard.

No reason you can't do it.
Amongst his many faults my xh had big ideas but tiny skills and no staying power. With reference to DIY in this instance (although it could be applicable to other aspects). After we divorced I renovated the whole house including rewiring.

Yes, TitClash it was just indescribable. The 'decor'? was all unfinished 1970's. How horrible for the spouse! It's not like she could even finish what he started, - 1970's cabinets half in, etc. Everything had to be gutted and redone. The husband was Very intelligent and just never had time apart from his reading. It would have been a million dollar home if it were ever done.

I don't really have the skills.
He says he does but I think he gets outfaced by the problems.
I'm going to get people in to sort it all out as I can't live with it anymore. Up until now we haven't had the cash but I've had an unexpected windfall. He thinks it's a bad use of the money, but I say you can't buy sanity.

Use the money to buy a good book and a good drill. Most other stuff is practice.

I used to live with someone like this and it drove me insane. At one point the lounge didn't even have joists, let alone a floor and we lived like this for months. Then he decided it would be a great place to renovate a car

Am older and wiser now, new partner, and I sort out the DIY and renovations (DP wouldn't have a clue anyway). Have major work starting next week (structural stuff and new kitchen) and not sure I've even told DP about it yet

""No reason you can't do it. ""

I'm strong, I lift weights, but I haven't got the hand strength for some DIY stuff.

I'm also 5'2, quite slight and don't like heights.

There are reasons why someone can't do some jobs.

Personally, I don't want to invest in the tools and have to store them, so I get 'handy men' in.

I'm reasonably intelligent and I know I ought to be able to do DIY, but beyond slapping a bit of paint on a wall, I just don't. I'm very, very kackhanded.

It would take me weeks to do what a good handyperson will do in a day. What a difference it makes living with effective storage, finished rooms etc. I see no reason why DH should have to do them either if I can't.

I do agree that it's important to get the list of jobs straight in your head and prioritise them - paying someone else to do stuff can get quite addictive and very expensive.

My DH is the same, and he's a builder, knows how to do it, just can't be arsed.

I don't have the skills either, I have tried and failed to do it myself and only really succeeded in making a huge mess.

Just hire someone.

I have the skills and many of the tools, and I can get loads done myself. Given a free hand at it, I actually enjoy it greatly. I have repaired gaping holes in drywall, stripped and refinished woodwork, hung curtains that I made myself, painted walls and ceilings, measured and cut and installed moulding, etc., etc. But I had DCs to take care of, to schlep to and from school, dinner to cook, laundry to get done. I developed my DIY skills when I realised exH was irrationally averse to measuring.

However, I once turned around to reload my roller while painting only to find happy little DD2 elbow deep in burgundy paint. It took easily half an hour to clean her up and mop drips off the floor and then clean up the bathroom.

What you pay for is not just expertise (which anyone can develop) but time, and as you say, sanity.

My house is the same. We've been here for 3 years now and nothing's been done really. It's getting me so stressed out now that I really just want to move to a house that's already at least half decent but DP keeps saying we have to do this house before we can sell it I would do the work myself but I don't have any sort of DIY skills beyond painting and I really can't afford to get someone in to do the work.

Just hire someone.

Yeah, because it's that easy for everybody.

So, learn the skills! You're a grown woman, not a helpless baby.

If this thread were reversed and a man came on here complaining that his wife never finished the housework, called her a sloth, and then said he didn't have the skills to do it himself he'd be laughed off the board, and rightly so.

Look it's not being helpless to know your own competencies. I can do DIY, I own three tool boxes, two drills and a jigsaw. But the bricks in my current house are super hard and we have to warn contractors to bring their strongest hammer drill.

I can wallpaper, but not the overhang of the hall because I don't work well at a height. I can paint but I don't have the precision for a perfect finish. I can take a radiator off a wall but I don't know how much torque to put on the fitting. I won't touch electrics.

It's okay to earn money doing what you do best and pay experts to do what they do best. Assuming it's all doable is what got them into this mess in the first place!

Since you have the money I would just pay someone to come in and do it. There comes a point where the effect on your sanity outweighs the potential saving through doing it yourself.

I don't think DIY is the same as housework

I'm 5ft tall and I can't hold anything above my head and lack the strength to hold things in place. I'm no good on ladders even a foot of the ground. I can't get down and underneath things like plumbing as my hips are too dodgy for the floor and I can't get up off the floor without help.

Last year I tiled the conservatory floor - I had to take prescription strength co codamol for 4 months

Seriously, I don't need to take these risks with my health.

I can work in an area in the middle of the room so building cupboards, painting, stuff I can reach.

Anything else is physically beyond me now.

I think house maintenance is an essential expense of owning a house. If you both don't have the ability and desire to do it you get someone in. Why would you let your partner start a new job before finishing the old one?
We do minor diy and get folk in for specialised or bigger jobs. I wouldn't nag my husband to do diy. It's my responsibility too. If he wanted to do it we'd sort out a timescale though and I'd expect him to get on with it.

Housework doesn't really take any skill. DIY does. Hence you don't have to go to college to learn to be a cleaner but you do to be a builder or a decorator or a joiner.

It's a nice idea that you can just 'learn the skills'. But in reality where people don't have the time or funds to take a course the only option would be to do it from a book or the net. As most people who've seen student bedsit decoration efforts will tell you - that normally leads to a poor quality bodged job. And some people just aren't practical or good at these sort of things, and they're not always women. In my family it was always my mother who did DIY because my father was genuinely crap at it. In my family it's me that's no good at it. I really don't see the point in having a fourth rate crap job done when someone in the house knows perfectly well how to do it properly but can't be arsed.

DH has always claimed he can do DIY, which is true, but he takes his time to 'do it properly ' so:
16 weeks to refit the tiniest bathroom you've ever seen
18 weeks to tile the kitchen floor
22 weeks and counting to replace a fence panel in the back garden

I'm now paying a builder to finish off the utility room that's not been touched from 18 years ago when we moved in 😀
Then I'm decorating the house from top to bottom whether he likes it or not!

I've lived with a temporary kitchen /diner for a year so I know the pain but at least it isn't H's fault. We could afford to get the floor, plastering and Windows done (thanks FIL for the cash and the labour, you're a star) and it HAD to be done as the floor was unsafe. And we've since been saving for the rest to be done in one go. It should be this year.

As for doing stuff yourself. I couldn't tile but I just had a go in the bathroom, followed you tube tutorials, and I'm really pleased with the result. I also laid the Lino which is less good of a job but not terrible, I was happy as a first attempt. Give things a go. We only pay for plastering really, it saves a fortune even on expensive jobs.

Mind you if we did have the cash is probably get someone in. So much easier on my sanity.