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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to play this with DS(4)?

46 replies

QuickQuickNo · 22/02/2016 13:50

DS is 4, and like most kids right now, obsessed with Star Wars. DH is and always has been a huge Star Wars fan, our house is full of stuff and he's grown up with it. We have a big box full of figures, and another full of spaceships. He wanted me to play Star Wars with him today, but I just don't want to.

I was an only (female) child, Star Wars isn't my thing. I sit down and do colouring together every day, we read all the time (plus 2 at bedtime), we do painting, baking, building stuff together out of Lego and duplo. Racing cars, building enormous twisty train tracks. Etc. I don't want to sit and hit plastic light sabers together for half an hour. So I've got the toys out, said I am not playing fighting, and gone to write this and make a coffee, he's happily playing by himself, sort of with his baby brother.

(I am also totally exhausted as it was a bad night, hence DS1 being off school)

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 22/02/2016 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
QuickQuickNo · 22/02/2016 13:51

Then I look at him sat whispering to himself making up a story and I feel guilty he's alone.

OP posts:
winkywinkola · 22/02/2016 13:52

You sound like an amazing parent. Yanbu.

It's also very very good for children to learn to play by themselves sometimes.

Smellyrose · 22/02/2016 13:54

I can't do imaginative play with the kids - I find it very boring and quite mentally tiring. Both girls have learnt to play quite happily by themselves and I think it's good for them to get their imagination working. I'll quite happily read, colour, etc, it's just the pretending to be someone else I can't do.

Peppapogstillonaloop · 22/02/2016 13:55

It is brilliant that he can play by himsel yanbu at all! I hate pretend play like that just can't do it..you do loads with him don't feel bad!

Original poster
QuickQuickNo · 22/02/2016 13:55

I offered to read to him instead but he said he wants me to play Star Wars, urgh

OP posts:
Fugghetaboutit · 22/02/2016 13:56

Nothing wrong with kids playing alone, I think it's a good thing actually.

Katenka · 22/02/2016 13:58

It depends.

Personally I don't like playing with my kids like that sort of thing.

But ds isn't interested in colouring etc. So I do play with him because it's nice to do something together. I can't expect him to do only the things I like.

It's sounds like you do a lot of other stuff with him that you both enjoy.

It is good for kids to learn to play in their own as well.

But honestly if that's his favourite thing I would do it occasionally.

RabbitSaysWoof · 22/02/2016 13:59

I think you're right to play to your strengths, they can tell when you are bored rigid.
If I feel guilty for not playing some shit train game I remind myself that I built the track with him, I also like crafts, mess, cooking, building, going outside with him to play. But role play is shit.
Our kids will remember parents who loved playing with them if we are not faking it just offer up the things you do like.

Seriouslyffs · 22/02/2016 14:01

Do it as a task. Set a 10 minute timer I read on here what really going on is 'come and sit on the floor and be in my world'

hesterton · 22/02/2016 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
QuickQuickNo · 22/02/2016 14:11

When he plays by himself he makes up proper stories and chatters away being the characters, he just wants me to bang ligtsabrs together which is boring and just rubbish. But I do sometimes.

My mum never played with me and I have no siblings so I'm not sure what 'normal' is- I tend to over compensate I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
QuickQuickNo · 22/02/2016 14:11

Thanks for he great replies by the way

OP posts:
Original poster
QuickQuickNo · 22/02/2016 14:15

I do talk to him/ encourage him. He's just shown me that he's rescues Hans Solo from the carbonite so I've told him he still needs to escape Jabbas palace...

shoot me now

OP posts:
BunnyTyler · 22/02/2016 14:16

I hate playing with kids

That made me actual lol Grin

I have 2 boys, I loved playing light sabre fights etc but cannot stand playing made up games with action figures so always left them to it when they wanted to do that.

I haven't and don't do half the stuff you do with yours, so I do think you're over-thinking tbh - you're a better mum than me!!

It's good for them to play alone and chatter away to themselves, and perfectly 'normal'.

Enjoy some quiet time for yourself! Smile

estya · 22/02/2016 14:18

I agree. You don't have to be involved in everything they do. Playing by them self is good.

AnnPerkins · 22/02/2016 14:23

I don't blame you at all. My boy is nearly 7 and loves light saber fights. I will occasionally relent and join in, and it makes his day, which makes me feel even more guilty. I struggle a lot with the guilt of him being an only child anyway, and this makes it worse.

I just hate that sort of play. Always have. DH and the PILs like it and think I'm mean not joining in but it bores me rigid.

Unlike them though, I'll get all the Play Doh or paint stuff out if DS asks and put it away again 2 minutes later when he gets bored, I'll take him to any park or playground, I'll let him 'help' me cook dinner or make a cake, so I reckon I'm a good parent to him, just not a very good playmate.

FankEweVeryMuch · 22/02/2016 14:25

I'm another who just can't do/ be bothered with this kind of play. Mine all play together now so I feel a bit less guilry than I used to.

I love a good chat about (interesting) things, reading and making things but imaginary play is not for me.

SatsukiKusakabe · 22/02/2016 14:39

It's fine. There's a particular imaginative type of play that my ds 4 likes to do where he pretends you're a witch/baddie/dinosaur whatever and it's really repetitive and boring and when I'm tired I do bail out frequently. I will spend hours building Lego, colouring, puzzles, kicking a ball, reading, hide and seek, but 'you stand there and be the witch while I blah blah' just kills me inside.

What I will say though is, try and do it sometimes. When you're not so tired. Don't get in the habit of just saying no; I feel like I did a bit. It really pays dividends with behaviour and their relationship with you if just for 15 mins occasionally you do the thing they love but you're not usually up for. We were at the park the other day and I was really tetchy and knackered, just wanted to push them on swings etc, and go and he was wanting to play some underwater make believe, when I just thought, what the hell. We chased around pretending to be squid for a bit and actually it wasn't that bad, and I got so many unsolicited hugs and 'I love yous' later, and also he was so happy to do his own thing for a while when we got in, that I thought I'm going to say yes a bit more often Grin

DownstairsMixUp · 22/02/2016 14:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MadamCroquette · 22/02/2016 14:48

I'm terrible at this. My older DS was never into imaginative play really, but me and DP used to trade housework off against having to play "shops" with DD, OMG it was boring. Endless pretending to ring the same few items into the till, get them paid for, and then swap places and do it all again. I used to want to stick pins in my eyes.

Luckily she is now into art and craft stuff which is much more my thing!

I think it's OK to say no to what you really don't want to do. I do say no to playing computer games as I hate them.

After all DD says no often enough to what I want her to do!

KurriKurri · 22/02/2016 14:50

I used to offer to be part of the landscape 'I'm a big hill' - then you can lie on the floor and have a bit of a kip while they park plastic dinosaurs, spaceships and monsters on you and drive toy cars up and down your legs.

You can make an occasional roaring noise if you are a volcano.

Notso · 22/02/2016 14:52

I hate it too. Along with waiting outside a changing room in Topshop for DD to try on yet another pair of black, skinny jeans, reading Cockatoos every single night and being subjected to the sight and sound of a snotty three year old eating a banana.
I do them all sometimes though because it's part of the job.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 22/02/2016 14:52

I think you're either a naturally "play type" parent or not. I am very much not. Could just about manage some craft type stuff and didn't mind hide and seek etc but as PP said the "you stand there and I'll be the witch" makes my blood run cold. I did bring myself to do it for the PFB at least but much preferred to (for example) give them chalks to draw outside or put up a play tent and lie on the sofa let them get on with it.

OP I really wouldn't worry, you sound like you're doing fine and soon his baby brother can be Hans Solo and he can be Luke Skywalker Smileand then they'll have a fight Grin

Seriously, I think some people take more naturally to some types of parenting and this also depends hugely on DCs' ages. I pretty much struggled through from about 2yrs old to about 6 when they became more their own people and I actually love having teenagers. I take heart from the fact they might not remember me playing Star Wars with them but they'll remember being able to talk to me about all the endless teen dramas and that I don't embarrass them (too much) in front of their mates. Oh, and I made One Direction cupcakes for a particular birthday to take into school. Possibly my finest parenting moment, judging by the reactions.

Take heart Thanks

SatsukiKusakabe · 22/02/2016 14:53

Grin at "I'm a big hill".

My favourite is doctors when I'm the patient in bed and they scurry back and forth bringing me medicine.