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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to play this with DS(4)?

46 replies

QuickQuickNo · 22/02/2016 13:50

DS is 4, and like most kids right now, obsessed with Star Wars. DH is and always has been a huge Star Wars fan, our house is full of stuff and he's grown up with it. We have a big box full of figures, and another full of spaceships. He wanted me to play Star Wars with him today, but I just don't want to.

I was an only (female) child, Star Wars isn't my thing. I sit down and do colouring together every day, we read all the time (plus 2 at bedtime), we do painting, baking, building stuff together out of Lego and duplo. Racing cars, building enormous twisty train tracks. Etc. I don't want to sit and hit plastic light sabers together for half an hour. So I've got the toys out, said I am not playing fighting, and gone to write this and make a coffee, he's happily playing by himself, sort of with his baby brother.

(I am also totally exhausted as it was a bad night, hence DS1 being off school)

OP posts:

howabout · 22/02/2016 14:53

YANBU Mine generally likes me to leave her to it as long as I am around to keep her company, hence the MN habit.

DD is 4 and off ill as is her big sister. They are glued to the TV and if they grumble will be sent back to bed where my Mum would have put me.

I am having a day off recovering from mopping up sick and getting the laundry under control.

(I did get told I was drawing the horse shoes on the My Little Pony pictures all wrong earlier and we had built a meccano helicopter and taken the go-gos on a magical bus tour all before 9am).

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 22/02/2016 14:57

Omg yes. I thought it was just me!

My DD is almost 4 and pretend play is never ending and just me doing whatever she says. No.Thanks.

I offer colouring, puzzles, Lego, whatever. Pretending to be Anna from Frozen all day? Nope.

And I feel like such a bitch for it.

plantsitter · 22/02/2016 15:05

No, don't feel like you should. Teaches them very important pestering skills imo.

willconcern · 22/02/2016 15:14

I look at him sat whispering to himself making up a story and I feel guilty he's alone

There is nothing wrong with this!!! It's a great skill to have.

I'm another parent who doesn't enjoy getting down on the floor and playing make believe stuff. I used to hate train tracks, lego etc. But I do enjoy board games, and I've always done loads of outdoor stuff with them - so we cycle, run, ski, walk the dog etc together. Like Purplehair, I also enjoy chatting to them. The best times are when they chop veg for supper and I stir, and we chat. DS1 is 11 now, and good company.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 22/02/2016 15:18

Tea parties do my head right in.

JenEric · 22/02/2016 15:45

It's good for kids to have some alone play. DS knows mum doesn't play Star Wars. If he wants to play Star Wars he goes to dad ( then I find my bed strewn with ships and DH going "sorry there was a battle..." He does clean it up though!)

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 22/02/2016 18:06

shops... oh god shops.... and bloody restaurants, hated both of those. lego and playmobil especially I could play with for hours though and the train set. Ds2 used to get out all the animal (amimals) and we would spend ages setting them all up in special corners and settings, by the time it was all done he lost interest in starting a game for them

Original poster

QuickQuickNo · 22/02/2016 22:43

I can do shops, and being a hill is possibly the most genius idea ever but I just cannot be Bobba Fett all bloody afternoon.

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 22/02/2016 22:46

I don't blame you OP. It sounds like a tedious game. You're lucky DS is happy playing alone - DD is 4 and never ever does. Luckily she has her 2 year old sister to play with!

SatsukiKusakabe · 22/02/2016 23:30

You know Boba Fett doesn't have any lines in Return of the Jedi. I think you could be Boba Fett

Fatmomma99 · 23/02/2016 00:25

Everyone's going to hate me.

I read this thread. Massively disagreed with almost everyone and stepped away. I probably should have stayed with that, but it really upset me.

To me, the "take home" message from this thread is if it bores me/is outside my comfort zone/I don't like it
then it doesn't happen.

Sorry, but I think that's quite rubbish. And (honestly) I'm not saying this because I think I'm some kind of uber-parent (I'm so not!). My specific example is that I know I'm rubbish at singing, so I rarely sang with or to my DD (who is now 14). But I now look at this and see this as a massive, massive, massive flaw in my parenting. I should have done it. I just should. It was rubbish I didn't. I was wrong. (even though I'm tone deaf to fuck and murder every song I attempt to croon to). Who doesn't sing to their baby! (me!)

I'm not saying that PP are bad parents - obviously you're good and caring - that comes across from the posts. And I absolutely get the value in both (a) children entertaining themselves (b) being bored and (c) doing things with their siblings.

And I'm posting this from the perspective of only having one child. So if her parents didn't do it, she didn't get it, because there weren't brothers or sisters to do it for her.

I don't want to be flamed, and know I will be, but I think "oh god, I hate imaginative games" is a rubbish excuse not to do it. As someone else says up-thread, do it, but make it time limited (start the game just after you've put the oven on, for example, so you KNOW you've only got 10 - 30 mins and then it has to stop). The fact you don't like it is a poor excuse not to do it - they aren't' a toy, they didn't ask to be born, and curbing their imaginations is horrid to me.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Like I said, I saw this thread and walked away, but it upset me enough to come back.

PerspicaciaTick · 23/02/2016 00:47

I think that it is part of parenting to push yourself outside your comfort zone. Play is so hugely important to children and it is so vital for them to know that you are interested and approve of their play. It is really important that children get to lead their play and not feel compelled to do the types of play which mummy approves of.
I do think opting out is unreasonable. I feel the same about parents who refuse to take their children swimming, who don't let their children get messy or who don't read aloud because it is too embarrassing.
But that doesn't mean only playing Star Wars and it doesn't mean never leaving them to play alone. It is great that there are lots of activities you love to do, keep on with them. But do try, once in a while, to join in with the play your DS is asking you to join in. Don't worry about not being very imaginative - that is where you just follow your child.

Monty27 · 23/02/2016 00:53

I couldn't stand boysie stuff either. However, DS used to sit watching me cooking and adding things to the pot, he'd be sitting on the worktop.

My favourite thing with ds was when he was in bed, he was at least four and older, when I'd get a teddy in my hand and make out the teddy was talking to him and he'd have a whole conversation with the teddy. We would both end up laughing and he'd go to sleep cuddling the teddy.

I hope that doesn't sound too corny.

hunibuni · 23/02/2016 00:56

I love make believe but DD (9) never wanted to play with me. DS is always her go to and tbf he's fantastic at it. Don't know what she's going to to when he goes to uni I have absolutely no idea about Pokemon (which is her current thing) and she has zilch interest I'm teaching me but I do other things and that's fine.

Monty27 · 23/02/2016 01:04

OMG HUN pokemon, bionicles, lego (ouch), thunderbirds and star wars......
and that was before that online... ohh I'm trying to remember.... no I don't want to remember...

Boys! lol

He's gorgeous though :)

MattDillonsPants · 23/02/2016 02:28

I feel strongly about this OP. I don't play either. I DO craft with my DC, read to them, make up funny songs with them, act out scenes when they instigate them which is often and also play dressing up....also bake with them but I WILL NOT play "houses" or "Fairies" or sit with dollies making them talk etc.

I frigging hate that shit.

I've explained my position and told the DC that they have one another for that.

mathanxiety · 23/02/2016 03:19

I didn't play much with DCs either, at least after age 3 or 4. They are better off having little friends over and battling it out with them. If a game seemed to be flagging and I was still half way through making dinner, I would supply cues 'what if a mermaid arrived with a picnic basket?' or 'how about enlarging the pirates' den with the big yellow blanket from the garage?' etc., but playing imaginary games is not all about the narrative or making the plot run smoothly, it's about negotiation and rules the children set among themselves and that is where its value lies. When an adult gets involved the children lose that, or the adult loses the necessary distance between her and the children. They would often run up to me to tell me with shining eyes what was going to happen in their game, and I was always happy to hear their news (and sent them back to work it out among themselves.)

I did things like skating and biking and swimming with them, and getting up to my elbows in papier mache and baking, because I was teaching them something, or making something that should be edible, or we were all getting some exercise. But I think it's best to leave imagination games to the children.

When they were under age 3/4 I used to get roped in to tea parties/cooking fests/pretend trips to the supermarket -- and they were fine because 3 and 4 yos generally don't want to keep something like that up all afternoon. I would also build a den or nest using couch cushions and blankets and let small children figure out the rest themselves. Or suggest they get out the blocks or dolls, etc. Favourite game of all mine when they were under age 5 was hairdresser, with me as the victim.

Maybe it's easier when you mostly have girls and they are interested in complex DIY plots? I recall DS got roped into all the girl games as 'dad' or 'fireman' etc. Sometimes DD1 let him be a train or a dump truck but she was pretty strict most of the time. DS loved making paper planes and I did a good deal of that with him, but maybe that counts as crafts.

I knew a child who had been brought up by her grandparents with little or no contact with other children (language barrier on the part of the grandmother) and the grandmother had played with her but not the way another child would, all bossy and rude and each wanting her own way, so the child had always had games her own way. This was a really, really bad preparation for play with other children.

nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath · 23/02/2016 04:18

I hear you OP. I have two boys and I always detested that sort of play. I just couldn't sustain any interest or enthusiasm for it for more than about 30 seconds - it just seemed so daft and pointless.

In fact any kind of acting out or role play bored me witless, shops, teddy picnics, pretending we were being chased by dinosaurs aargh hated all of it.

But I had endless time for reading, crafts, playboy etc.

nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath · 23/02/2016 04:20

Oh bigger that should have said PlayDoh 😂

Well Done autocorrect

nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath · 23/02/2016 04:20

And I meant bugger not bigger.

I give up.

SatsukiKusakabe · 23/02/2016 07:44

I don't think the only value of imaginative games is in children working it out for themselves - I think the reason children are so keen for their parents to play these sorts of games is that there is a value in it for them to be in control in a safe way, interact with their parent on their terms, work out some stuff that's been worrying them, and it gives them a sense of connection with you that I don't think they get in quite the same way if they are playing with you in a way that you've decided. It's a particular way of having a parent's attention that isn't met by playing with other kids, it's not just an exercise for their imagination IMO.

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