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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Well I've heard it all!

30 replies

mincepieprivateeye · 19/02/2016 17:51

I'm going through the long process of getting a court protection order for my dad who has Alzheimer's, has been detained under the mental health act and is now in full time care and under a deprivation of liberty order. I don't have POA which is why I have to go for deputy ship as he lacks mental capacity to grant it. Today I've received a letter and forms which I have to take in person to my dad, a sixty mile round trip, to explain what I'm doing and why! I know it's the rule but seriously I'm having to explain this to my poor dad who doesn't fully realise who I am and talks about his dad who has been dead for fifty years. Seems quite farcical really

OP posts:

SweetieDrops · 19/02/2016 17:53

Would they know if you didn't do it and said you did?

EatShitDerek · 19/02/2016 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

memyselfandaye · 19/02/2016 17:56

When my Dad died the tv licensing people told me my Mum would need his signature to change the licence over to her name.

Words failed me, how do you get through to people that stupid?

seastargirl · 19/02/2016 17:57

My mum went through this with my grandad, it's hideous and so intrusive, plus utterly pointless. Nothing useful to say just I agree and good luck!

Make sure you keep receipts for everything you buy as they'll ask for them!

Sophie38 · 19/02/2016 18:15

Sorry to hear this. Yes, it is farcical.

Katenka · 19/02/2016 18:25

My auntie is going trough the exact same situation.

The forms have had to be filled in three times. It was so long and complicated. Grandad doesn't know who any of us are half the time so filling in the forms and trying to explain it to him is pointless.

On top of this there is another auntie who keeps taking him up to the bank to empty his bank account for her kids. Even though social services have told her to stop. The police are now involved. But the better we get official status the better.

You have my sympathy

Original poster

mincepieprivateeye · 19/02/2016 18:53

Thanks everyone. Sea star you're right, it is intrusive and expensive. I wouldn't dare but go and do as the court ask because I have to sign and date a form and send it back to the court saying I've done as they ask, they could well check with the home to see I've been. I'm keeping receipts for everything. Just for the doctors report and the court fee is over £500 plus there'll be a huge solicitors bill and all the things he's needed since he went into care.

OP posts:

Original poster

mincepieprivateeye · 19/02/2016 18:55

Kate, that's so sad.

OP posts:

Arborea · 19/02/2016 19:13

Hi OP, the reason your Dad has to be informed is that you have been given complete control of all his finances. Not everyone who has a deputy is totally out of it and unaware, so it's important that there's a safeguard so that if your Dad didn't agree then he'd be able to do something about it. Eg, what if the black sheep of the family was looking to access your cash: shouldn't you be told?

You don't have to be the one who gives it to him though. You could ask the care home/hospital staff to do it. They have probably come across it before.

HTH

Original poster

mincepieprivateeye · 19/02/2016 22:16

The court forms were acompanied with dads DOLs report and his psychiatrist report and a report from his care home all of which show he doesn't have capacity, he'd already been detained under the mental health act 2&3 so it does seem rather pointless though. I will do as the court asks but it has clearly been shown by all professionals involved that my dad doesn't and can't understand.

OP posts:

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 19/02/2016 23:10

YANBU and for you.

When my Grandad died, the TV licensing people also tried to insist on his signature to put it into Grandma's name. It seems they have form for this. Insensitive idiots.

incywincybitofa · 19/02/2016 23:17

I can see why when you are under so much stress it is a burden you can do without, Arbore is right though I am afraid, and given the nature of the order then can't have much scope for exceptions. Is having the care home do it an option?

MadisonAvenue · 19/02/2016 23:19

Horrible enough to go through this with a parent without the added stupidity and stress from authorities.

for you

StrictlyMumDancing · 19/02/2016 23:47

I know someone who paid for TV licence twice in the confusion over her DFs death. She had lived with him as his carer for years and the property passed to her. She was told his death certificate was enough but she needed her own licence, so she paid. A short while later notification came through that DFs licence needed renewing and they were insistent about it. She was still so raw she paid up assuming she'd cocked up somehow - took ages for them to admit they'd said they'd accept the death cert as proof.

Some places are too system reliant and have gone beyond humanity. for all of you going through this, it must be heartbreaking.

Fatmomma99 · 19/02/2016 23:56

You wonder where the humanity is in situations like this, don't you.

Postchildrenpregranny · 20/02/2016 00:01

We had this when we registered the POA for my MIL -in a care home and dementia rapidly worsening DH had to write her a letter which he read to her in the presence of her named Social Worker We got the latter to sign it to say MIL appeared to understand it (I'm sure she didn't and couldnt)

Tigger365 · 20/02/2016 02:36

OP. It gets better. I'm 18 months in, I promise it gets better. The office of public guardian will be in touch shortly, they are amazing for help and advice. Please feel free to PM or something if you have any questions at all. It's daunting but you'll get there :-)

MidniteScribbler · 20/02/2016 05:21

Stupidity abounds. When my dad died I had to give him signature to get the telephone service at his house put in my name. I'm not sure how they thought I was supposed to get the signature.

Oncandystripedlegs · 20/02/2016 07:41

Not sure if it is still the case, but it used to be OK for somebody else to go through the details with your dad and sign for the form if you can't get there....Staff on the wards / residential homes have done it before .
....might be worth checking .

Also, make sure you check out whether your dad is entitled to a reduction of fees .The court have forms for this.
Bit late for you but for other people, you do not have to use a solicitor to apply to the court( or to draw up a lasting power of attorney) , there is a lot of guidance on doing it yourself .

littleblackno · 20/02/2016 08:29

Does he have an IMCA (Independent mental health advocate)? They could go through the forms with him. Good luck it is a minefield.

Original poster

mincepieprivateeye · 20/02/2016 08:34

Thanks everyone and to you Tigger, having been through it you'll understand. The court form says I can ask a third party but my solicitor has said for me to do it in person. I'm having to go for an interim court order because I can't find out all the details I need from his bank so I'm having to get the interim order so the bank will then give me all the information I need. It's a chicken and egg scenario. When I went to the bank armed with his doctors report, DOLS , mental health sectioning letter, and explained the situation the person I had the appointment with suggested taking forms for my dad to sign in front of a witness for me to be put on his personal accounts. I was as I kept telling him that my dad lacked capacity and that is what the reports showed. Even the bank manager had to google what they could do, which was what my solicitor had said, interim order. I think it's probably because if this she thinks I should go in person, to show I'm committed to doing the best for dad.

OP posts:

Wardrobespierre · 20/02/2016 08:35

We've just been through exactly the same with my grandma. And yes it's time consuming and ultimately futile and horribly expensive but I am glad these procedures exist. Sadly, a couple of people have already tried to take advantage of my grandma and it's this kind of safeguarding which tries to prevent that.

busyboysmum · 20/02/2016 08:38

I did this for my aunt who loves the other side of the country and the nursing home dealt with reading it to her so I didn't have to go down there.

Original poster

mincepieprivateeye · 20/02/2016 09:06

That was the part that got me at the bank. I could have agreed to taking the forms and tried to get to sign them. As it was I had to keep saying that dad didn't have the capacity anymore to agree to this which is why I couldn't get POA or anything else and why I was going for deputy ship .

OP posts:

VulcanWoman · 20/02/2016 09:09

Red tape! Just say you've done it, unless they need proof that someone witnessed you reading it to your dad.

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